Does this make me a "bad" parent? Should I feel guilty

Cooper Union tuition, from website.

  • The cost of tuition at The Cooper Union for the 2022 – 2023 academic year is $44,550. Each admitted student receives a half-tuition scholarship valued at $22,275 per year.

Room and board 18k+.

https://cooper.edu/students/financial-aid/coa

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Another one to consider - Case western.

My daughter had similar stats from an NYC stem school and had generous merit to bring down to Cooper levels.

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I went to both Binghamton undergrad and Buffalo grad. They are most def damn cold. Buffalo was worse because I was off campus as a grad student in a house and responsible for shoveling snow etc. I loved my time at Binghamton though - you really don’t need to spend much time outside, everything is walkable on campus and even for off campus housing, we had shuttles to campus. There was only one day (like the first week I transferred there) that the heat went out and I waited for bus which was late to boot and I thought what the heck am I doing here. I am not a cold person at all but that’s not what I remember about Binghamton.

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This is a great “problem” to have! She loves an affordable safety - that means that her current default plan sets the bar high in terms of what else is worth considering.

That said, it’s worth your (and her) due diligence to see whether there are other schools that are within budget and that could potentially lure her away from her current favorite.

One that comes to mind, with a near-MIT-level reputation but within your budget, and in a warmer climate, is Georgia Tech. She might or might not get in but it could be worth floating an application and making a visit if she’s accepted. Purdue is another that could be worthy of consideration. (They also have some great Mech-E-adjacent alternative paths like Industrial Design, if the design aspect of MechE appeals to her.)

Olin College of Engineering is another top-notch school that (like Cooper Union) gives half-tuition merit to all accepted students. It’s very small and has a highly innovative, project-based curriculum. There are cross-registration opportunities with Babson, Brandeis, and Wellesley. It’s Boston-area cold but not lake-effect-Upstate-NY cold. A reach but, like GT, potentially worth running up the application flagpole if she could see herself there.

When you acknowledge her need for alternative paths… are all paths you can imagine her taking within STEM? Is she artistic? Does she enjoy humanities and social sciences as well as STEM?

A default plan that is hard to beat is a great starting point! But that default plan requires no particular early commitment, so she has plenty of time to give a few other options the chance to win her over.

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If planning grad school, I think state school is a smart idea for undergrad. Even now when I’m starting to think of my own kids going to college, I think one of the best things my parents did for me is help make sure I didn’t start career with debt. I guess it just makes sense to visit some SUNYs and see if they’re a good fit?

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What kind of graduate school?

PhD programs in ME worth attending should be fully funded, although having extra money can be helpful if the student finds that the living expense stipend is not as much as desirable.

However, professional schools (e.g. law) can be very expensive.

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Georgia Tech is definitely worth considering but will be a reach on admission, and would expend all resources. To add, we had some basic questions of their admissions staff and I was surprised how little response our calls and emails got. They were really off putting.

UB might be an impossible sell- Bing a tough sell.

But I agree- and affordable safety as option #1 is not a bad place to be.

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And if ME did not go as planned, she would very likely get a degree in Physics or math- likely in that order of preference.

It keeps striking me that my questions is a bit atypical, and sort of the opposite of this:

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Case…very mixed feelings. I was so high on that school, then became aware of all of the yield
management games. It was a real turnoff. Might be a great school, and after merit, might be a value school- but it sounds like they really make you run the gauntlet. Shows of interest, being deferred or waitlisted- or outright yield managed out.

It’s all anecdotal from CC- but enough smoke to assume a fire. No thanks. Same of NEU.

So my daughter applied to both NEU and CW EA with zero demonstrated interest, and got into both with merit. You never know.

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No fire from my perspective. I know lots of kids who applied to Case, got accepted to Case, attend Case. I don’t think it’s onerous to show up on a Zoom tour for a college that’s out of state (yes, they take attendance) or to go through the website in order to write a “Why Case” essay. None of these kids did anything out of the ordinary to get admitted.

More important than your smoke/fire assessment- what does your D think about the colleges that are being suggested? Missouri M&T? Great for ME, Physics OR math… no demonstrated interest required, the application process is pretty straightforward.

I don’t think your question is atypical- your situation might be atypical if your D genuinely doesn’t care about looking at or researching colleges. Most kids start to get excited about learning more at this stage of the game…

Agree. She will get into safety early and have time to think.

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Without reading all the messages and maybe someone has said this…why limit her to SUNY?

With her GPA and merit aid she will have loads of options for much less. Much much less

Are you needing her to stay in NY? Does she have a test score ?

Tons of options!!

Bad parent. Let’s see. You love your child. You are guiding best you can and also thinking about your financial future.

Nope. You’re what a parent should be.

I’ll read the chain but hopefully you can open up your search more. With a 3.9 you can be under $30k

But you have to open your geography some.

Good luck.

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I know you don’t want to play the games. But find the right school for your student. Don’t worry about the games. You put your best foot forward and you land where you land. As long as the school can get within budget, it never hurts to throw an app. And you’ll find 80% of schools use the same supplemental.

Forget the noise. Apply to where may be a good fit and may be affordable. In the end, only one wins.

Don’t let the game eat you. Play without being obsessed. But not playing just bcuz of admissions processes is a mistake. Imho

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Agree 100%.

Nothing wrong with a mid tier SUNY for engineering.

Engineering is a major which is populated by 75% males in colleges across the country despite the fact that the college population in general is about 60% female. A female with your daughters grades and test scores is in high demand. She will undoubtedly be eligible for a merit scholarship at all kinds of colleges private and public which are not “too close or too cold.”

By the way, what are the mid tier SUNYs which are not too close or too cold? I’m really having trouble thinking of any.

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You are not wrong. Albany, New Paltz, Maritime. Stonybrook less cold which might negate how close.

Totally agree with the women in engineering comment. I don’t know if it’s still true today but the female male ratio was the most skewed (more males) in mech eng.

if there are non SUNY’s that have the possibility of coming in near a SUNY price after some sort of merit (not need) for someone like her, for ME, I am all ears. I do want to expose her to other options that are affordable and check off all of her boxes.

As for strongly suggesting she consider her brother’s school- you have made me feel a bit more comfortable with that. Its an option, and there is nothing wrong with it being a strong one.

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