Son is very independent. He has survived 4 years of boarding school and navigates the world on his own (traveling, making arrangements, etc.). I’d say he’s actually more independent than most college students. I laugh at the moms that are worried about packing for their kids and setting up their rooms. We’ve been there, done that, and he didn’t even need help his first year (but of course, I felt like I wanted to do it as he was only 14).
It’s not that I don’t think he can do the travel or needs our help, it’s more of a cost/benefit analysis (something he’s big on) of “is it really worth all the travel and hassle if you have near by options”. In the long run, he could certainly survive without coming home on shorter breaks, but we do enjoy his company and we also like to visit a few times a year and it’s a hassle on our end as well.
He’s actually the one that has gone back and forth on this question. Even on our recent visit to MN and ISU he was figuring in that MN is so much easier to get to.
Those schools would all be an easy flight. For whatever reason, he’s ruled them out. He’s pretty good at the research and knows where he wants to look. It’s more a matter of comparing the schools he has on his list and their benefits vs. travel. I think I could drive myself crazy making a excel spreadsheet of the pros and cons of each school, but in the long run, it comes down to what he wants. He has been thinking about this as well. For now, we are doing the “easy” visits until it comes closer to decision time. I think the question just comes down to when do you let a school go? I tend to research things to death and keep wanting to add more, while he’s very confident with what he has.
So maybe then, since you are looking at cost/benefit, you pick the hardest to get to school and really lay it out. When are the breaks, what’s a typical flight in terms of cost and hours. Then you look at that year, how many trips it would be, would Thanksgiving be worth it, and son can maybe get a better idea of the reality of this part of it.
But as far as “when do you let a school go”, if son has already said he’d be happy anywhere, and is good at the research, and you have these concerns, maybe that’s enough to let them go at this point.
Fair enough, glad he’s figuring out what he wants! I have some professional background, and the places I suggested are very good in wildlife, and have some of the species of interest nearby for field work (and some wildlife profs I know personally). Sounds like he wants to stay mostly east of the continental divide? That is a great way to narrow down the list. Best of luck as he hones in on the final schools!
Minnesota is the state with the most wolves. I would choose U of MN rather than someplace more remote like northern Michigan. At UMN, David Mech is the big wolf guru but he’s in his 80s now. They definitely have lots of research projects there where students could go up north to participate.
Our kid who went to college across the country came home only for the winter holiday break and summer. The Thanksgiving break was one week before exams…just not in our plan to fly the kid back and forth and then do the same 10 days or so later. Kid knew this before they applied. We have relatives in CA and that’s where the kid went for Thanksgiving.
Spring break, our kid’s college had service opportunities that the kid did all four years. We thought that was a better use if time and money than a cross country trip home.
And really, even including the drive from here to our nearest airport, and the flights and layovers, it was never more than 7 hours travel time.
You could say this of anyone who chooses a private college not close to home over a nearby instate commuter school. If he loves the idea of Montana over Minnesota, and you can afford it, and the idea of going to the #1 program for his major is really appealing, then it’s worth keeping on the list at this stage.
From your description of your son and the discussion in your family, I would suggest you rely on his judgment in making the decision. We live in Tokyo and our son is at a school in Ohio. There are no direct flights to Tokyo from Columbus, so he flies through Atlanta, Chicago, Dallas, wherever. It’s a long trip, but I think he’s kind of proud of his “road warrior” credentials, and he’s learned how to deal with any issues that come up. He’s only encountered one semi-serious problem in three years of doing this, when his connecting flight from LA to Columbus was cancelled, but Delta put him up in a hotel and got him on a flight the next day. Another time, when his flight in from Tokyo was delayed, he got a personal ride around the airport tarmac so he could make his next flight - I think he’ll still be telling that story when he’s 80. He has been coming home only at year-end and for the summer and has had other adventures during Thanksgiving and spring breaks, visiting friends in Philadelphia and Los Angeles or staying on campus where he can train and do a little extra work as a tour guide. For him, Ohio has been a good choice despite the logistic complexities.
I went to Michigan Tech. I was in state so only a 9 hour drive. But one positive about the remote location is that kids stay there and don’t go home for the weekend so friends are always around. I know some schools have a lot of travel home on weekends leaving some kids wishing they could also leave. It helps when everyone is from gate away.
It’s definitely tough to get to and having a many hour drive after a flight probably means having a car. But also consider Milwaukee, Minneapolis, Green Bay for airports.
Hearing parents agonize about the travel issues to my daughter’s OOS university (missed connections, canceled & delayed flights, cancelations of the bus from the airport to campus, etc.) makes me thankful that we’re an easy 3-hour drive (and a 3-hour drive from the “right” direction, as driving in from the north & east is evidently a traffic nightmare).
BUT - it sounds like your son would be able to roll with it, and because it seems he will be able to attend college for free or for a low amount, you could possibly dedicate extra money to travel expenses. As long as he understands that it may limit the number of times he can come home for short breaks, and the number of times you can come visit - then I would take travel out of the equation and let him pick his favorite.
When I went to college it was 13 hours by car. We didn’t really have the funds for plane trips. I flew home at xmas break using miles from my aunt. I had a car soph-sr years. I went to friends places for Thanksgiving and Easter. I don’t like a college that you can come home all the time on the weekends for my kids. D19 is 4.5 hours away. It is just enough where she doesn’t want to come home on weekends. She just got back from 2 months in Spain for a Summer study abroad program. No issues there.
If the college is worth it don’t let distance dictate where you go.
Just one other data point. I went to a “pretty hard to get to” location in a very small town and I did have a medical emergency in college. It would have been preferable if I were near a city to (a) allow my parent to get there quicker, and (b) have surgery in a city instead of in the middle of nowhere. Medical issues for college students should be limited of course, though with covid the perspective may also have shifted.
But there are a number of hospitals in Missoula. It’s not isolated from the world.
A medical emergency can happen while on vacation or at home, which may not be located near a hospital. Do young people, barring a known medical condition, need to base their choices on access to medical care in a major city with large airports?
I agree. It is all about individual comfort level. Since the poster’s child has been living away from family for years, the decision may be easier. ■■■■ does happen and I for one would not send my kid to a remote location that is difficult to access. Nothing to do with comments about coming back for weekends - both my older two were a few hours away and neither of them did that. But I want my kids to come back for thanksgiving and other breaks and I want to know that I can get to them or vice versa ideally in several hours but certainly in a day or less via one nonstop flight. Not true for every family but true for ours… I also do want decent hospitals however unlikely he is to need one.
Of course not. My point is that things can happen anywhere and the location isn’t that remote. It just happens to be a hassle to get there from where the family lives. The question is will the OP’s kid be comfortable knowing that parents can’t get there right away.
You’ve probably already done this, but count the number of times your son will actually come home once he is in college- no matter where he goes. There will probably only be a few breaks that the travel distance will be a factor in whether he comes home.
Just going by my own 10 hour travel to get to school back in the day, I had summer gigs after sophomore and junior years, went to Thanksgiving at friends (friends came home with me sometimes instead) and spring break? I went to Florida twice. The travel isn’t a big deal in summer, it is really winter break travel that is the issue- more so considering the weather where wolves are.
If he gets into doing field research, he isn’t coming home for as many breaks.
Point is, moving in, freshman breaks, winter breaks and moving out are really where travel distance are a factor. So like 6 round trips and two one-way trips. 4-6 trips risk weather complications. Is that enough to change the equation of whether it is worth it for him?
From the parent side, my parents had no desire to visit me at school, but if they did, the adventure would have been fun for them once or twice, but that’s it. Is going there move in, move out and maybe one other time a deal breaker for you?
This can happen even near urban locations. My kid went to college less than 10 minutes from the airport in the metro area. BUT we lived across the country. She had a medical emergency and surgery was scheduled for 7 a.m. the next morning. There was no way for me to get there in time even though I was near an airport and so was the kid. But yes, the kid did have excellent medical care but only because she researched hospitals in the area BEFORE any emergency and when she had one, she knew which hospital to go to.
Yes that is definitely one of the scary things about letting a kid go so far. At least some colleges of my kids list are on the other coast and although they are all a nonstop flight away (requirement I imposed) this is the scenario that scares me. I have two older kids and I know sometimes you do need to get there in a big hurry.