<p>Your D. has a huge control over how much her college education will cost her family. There are a lot of funds available for Merit Scholarships. If you combine this with attending in-state college, the cost might not be high at all. Investigate, you might be surprised how little you might end up paying. In our case total cost is about half of what we paid for private HS.</p>
<p>Her stats are strong, but not Perfect Wunderkind Genius strong: </p>
<p>o 3.98 unweighted GPA
o Has always taken the toughest classes available to her in every subject (including 5 AP courses coming up in her senior year); she also finished 4 years of Japanese in 3 years.
o Scored a 5 on all her AP tests so far
o Top 5% of her class
o 34 on the ACT
o 1370/2060 on the SAT...but admits she did not prepare for it and wasn't at her best, so she plans to retake in October with a good expectation of a score increase</p>
<p>She will certainly be National Merit Commended, but her PSAT was probably not far enough above the cutoff for her to get further than that. There's some kind of AP honors that she hopes to earn if she continues scoring so well on her AP tests, though--apparently there's some honors designation if you get a 4 or 5 on enough tests?</p>
<p>Her ECs are modest, in keeping with her shy personality: band, literary arts magazine, Japanese Bowl, volunteer work with the Humane Society. She's also held down a summer job the past two years. She is confident of getting strong recommendations from teachers in very different subjects (chemistry, art, and Japanese).</p>
<p>Younghoss, I think you're absolutely right that I'm seeing this emotionally more than logically. The emotion is all bound up in those feelings that I have failed her by not having more college savings ready for her. I know that parents paying for college is a gift, not an obligation--but it's a gift I very much want to give. </p>
<p>Thanks to those who have mentioned honors colleges at public universities; that's not an avenue that we've looked into yet. Much appreciated!</p>
<p>Thanks, lunitari. You have a wonderful D. Her stats should put her in the competitive pool for admission to all universities. In Oct, why not let your DD take some SAT II? Her 34 ACT is very good so I don't think she needs SAT I anymore. Making the cut for NMF means some $$ at top state schools. </p>
<p>Those AP honor designation really does not mean much, in my opinion. </p>
<p>My DD has similair stats like yours. She did not get one penny of merit aid from Duke, WashU, or Vandy. It does not mean your DD will not get $$, just to show you it is very competitive for merit $$ at that level.</p>
<p>Lunitari- the hard part of parenting is modeling kindness, respect for other people, willingness to give of yourself, curiosity, strong character, etc. The easy part is writing checks.</p>
<p>Go take a victory lap that you've done the hard part, and give yourself a break on the finances. There are millions of wonderfully successful people out there who worked hard to pay for college and most of them are grateful to the parent(s) who stressed the importance of education. I predict your daughter will be one of them.</p>
<p>At the end of the day, your daughter's relationship with her father is more important than your EFC (although I know in dual household families that is difficult perspective to maintain during the college years.) Keep on being a good mom, keep on stressing the need for admissions safeties, financial safeties, and a balanced range of college choices and you'll all be fine. And don't sell that extra kidney just yet.</p>
<p>I believe, your D's stats are VERY strong. She definately will get tons of Merit Scholarships. There are schools that pay more Merits than the others. It is worthwhile to investigate. I did it on my own and presented my daughter with my findings. I am sure, you will be pleasantly surprised.</p>
<p>Blossom, you've got me tearing up here (but not in a bad way). Thank you.</p>
<p>Dad II, the schools she's looking at the most seriously right now are Whitman, Pitzer, Occidental, Skidmore, and Willamette, where I hope she'll be somewhat more competitive than at the schools you mention. I don't feel like we've got enough information to go on to be sure yet, though. From what I've been able to figure out, her chances of merit aid are better at Willamette, Whitman and Oxy than the other two, which give mostly need-based aid. Then there are some possible safeties she's looking at also: Seattle University, University of Puget Sound, Santa Clara.</p>
<p>Thankfully she's not even interested in HYPS and other big name prestige schools. </p>
<p>I guess the honors programs are the next stop on our research route. I'll email her to start looking while I get back to work!</p>
<p>I urge you to have your D talk to her dad--not just about the $, but about college selection. Dads who have some input into the decision making process are often more willing to cough up the $.</p>
<p>o.k. My bad, when I saw your statement on
[quote]
She could probably get a full ride to some schools where she's <em>grossly</em> overqualified academically, but that seems like a big waste of her potential.
[/quote]
, I was thinking that you are looking at top 10 schools. I guess not everyone thinks the same way I do. </p>
<p>Best of luck.</p>
<p>One very competitive private school that is known to give out a lot of Merit Scholarships is Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland. Mostly known for pre-med and engineering. Do not be scared by $31,000 tuition!. My D's tuition was lowered down to $5,000 because of Merit scholarships. We did not qualify for need based.</p>
<p>MiamiDAP, if you came across any good ones on the west coast, let me know! Thanks for the encouraging words.</p>
<p>Jonri, that's a great suggestion. I've been keeping him posted on what she seems the most interested in, but there's no question she could get him more actively involved in the research, etc. I know he'll do what he can for her; he's just not willing to be forthcoming with me about the financial stuff until he absolutely has to. I'm not really sure why, either. There is no child support flowing either direction (we just split the time and costs 50/50, or as close to it as not to matter), so it's not like he can fear that I'm going to go demand a child support adjustment from the court. But money is a highly emotional and private issue, especially between divorced folks. So I'll just have to find a way (or D will) to get past his defenses and work together.</p>
<p>Dad II: no, we're sort of aiming to have her neither hugely "overemployed" nor "underemployed" academically. She wants a school that will challenge her but not turn her into a quivering bundle of academic stress.</p>
<p>I've got to disagree to Miamidap. His post 21. I think your daughter has NO control whatsoever over what daughters college costs will cost family. She may decide where she wants to go, but she cannot decide how much YOU must pay, or even if you must pay. That is perhaps how my mindset differs from some on cc. My best friends got married a yr ago. I would have loved to have bought them a modest home. I can't afford it. I would have loved to have sent them on an Alaskan cruise with my compliments. I can't afford it. While a best friend is not an offspring, the principle is the same that I am not obligated to them, and I'll just give what I am willing/able to comfortably give.</p>
<p>^ I think your daughter has NO control whatsoever over what daughters college costs will cost family. - I do not understand this statement. What do you mean?
I was pointing out that it is up to a student to get Merit Scholarships, parents have no control over it. It is also a students' decision to attend the college that offers the best Merit Scholarships package. I agree that Need Based FA and Parents contribution is not what student can control over. My own D. could have chosen to go to college that would cost us $45,000 / year. We highly appreciated the fact that she was much wiser in addition to working very hard to get those Merit Scholarships. As a result of her wise choice and Merit scholarships, that SHE worked extremely hard for, we are paying $6,000 / year. Are you are saying that there is no difference between $6,000 and $45,000? For us, it is a very sizable difference that was produced by our D's efforts, not us.</p>
<p>As to the schools you mentioned, I'd check merit aid again.</p>
<p>It appears that generally available freshman scholarships are limited to: </p>
<p>Oxy-$20,000
Skidmore-$10,000
Willamette -15,000
Pitzer- $5,000
Whitman-$12,000</p>
<p>There may be talent scholarships, unadvertised endowed scholarships, secret alumni schoalrships, geographically limited scholarships , etc. But .....I'd be looking at those numbers again.</p>
<p>If she is looking at Pitzer she might also want to take a look at Scripps. They don't give a lot of merit scholarships, but with her stats it might be worth a shot. The nice thing about Scripps is that even though it's a women's college it's literally right next door to 4 other co-ed colleges, so there are plenty of opportunities to take classes and socialize with men. The other SoCal school that comes to mind is USC, which gives quite generous merit aid, but it may be bigger than what she's looking for.</p>
<p>Scripps is a great idea. It gives a signicant number of JES scholarships worth 1/2 tuition (if that is enough). Dorms like palaces , singles for sophs, Harvey Mudd right next door.</p>
<p>I have an idea - can Dad take her to visit a couple of these colleges, perhaps sit in on the FA discussions?? I know it is a little late if she is applying this fall, but this is more about educating Dad. not the scholarship competitions, he needs to know how much, and that they will look to him to pay.</p>
<p>Curmudgeon, those aid amounts look pretty similar to what I'd found. We don't need her to get a full ride, necessarily (although it'd sure be nice), just a good healthy discount. $5-10,000 probably wouldn't be enough, but anything higher would start to get us into a range we could manage--if she's also got a campus job & summer job, and if I can get rid of my car payment and keep paying down other debt between now and fall 2009, etc.</p>
<p>We do have some ability to pay, just nowhere near what FAFSA and the private schools are likely to assume based on our current household income. As noted in my first post, our current, higher level of income is recent and followed some tough financial times. </p>
<p>MarinMom, thanks for the tip on Scripps--we'll definitely check that out. USC is probably too big for her; she's really shy and is hoping for the small school experience to help her make friends.</p>
<p>A thought for anyone in a "two-household" situation -- If I recall correctly, there is a very wise discussion about paying for college in Judith Wallerstein's book "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce."</p>