"Don't go to a school too far away in case "something" happens." What is that 'something' if you're of this opinion?

Sounds like you’re pointing something out (“To be fair…”) that I don’t follow.

Regardless, this extends waaaaaaay beyond people I’m close to or know personally.

I would just admit that I couldn’t afford the flights.

Sorry, sounds like I didn’t explain very well and muddied the point. What I was trying to say was that your original question (the subject line) was “what is that something” that causes parents to put distance limitations on colleges. So the answers you were getting were mostly about what that “something” is, if they had those limitations. And that was just reinforcing the fact that some people had limitations because of the “something”. Now that I reread the details of your original question, I understand that you are also asking if parents are just saying that because they didn’t want to disclose there were financial concerns for travel expenses, because in your experience almost nobody said that. Am I on the same page now?

I would say that in my experience, some parents have concerns about the “something”, some about the travel expenses, some both, some neither. So I guess I’m saying my experience is not the same as yours when you say “But I posted the question because never once from all the many parents I’ve heard who place geographical limits has cost of travel been indicated as a reason. It’s - literally - always “in case something happens” they want to be close(r).”

For us, the ease and less expense of traveling by car over the unpredictable nature of flying these days. Let’s hope not, but if Covid is bad, and school closes then want to be able to get my D quickly and easily. I want her to be able to come home for a long weekend or school breaks if she wants to. She’ll be going to school 3 hours away but I wish it was a little closer. It’s fine one way but it’s a long day when you are doing roundtrip in one day. But it’s a whole new area for her and it will be an adventure, I’m sure. Plus there’s always traveling abroad for a semester too.

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Funny (better said, interesting), I went to the state flagship in the 80s. Only 2 hours a way but never came home outside of Thanksgiving and end of semester breaks. Most people I knew did the same. Why would we want to go home? All of our friends were at college or away somewhere.

Fast forward to now. We live in FL and most of the people we know have kids at UF, FSU, UCF or USF. They come home frequently. Several times a semester. They claim to “love” their school and being away, but they don’t seem to stay away. Hard to figure that out. If that was my kid I think I might ask them, “Why are you here? Aren’t you missing the fun college weekends?”

Maybe they just love their families more? :wink:

This is funny- as mine is at UCF and we live in NC. You would think I would never see my kid! It’s been the opposite.

NC public universities have cheap tuition, but expensive room/board, so kids get off campus housing ASAP. D18 lives off main campus at Rosen, so she can get apartment style dorms for 4 years much cheaper than off campus housing. So when that “something” hit called Covid- she came home. All our friends kids stayed at school, because they had apartments!

She went back in the Fall- but only one course was in person. None were this semester and she needed an internship, so she came home and will be with us again until AUGUST!!! :joy:

I think that FL schools and their love of online classes, long before Covid was a thing, gives those kids long weekends. D18 has never had more than 3 days of classes a week. She was able to fly home cheap before Covid for a along weekend at least once a semester.

We didn’t limit our kids geographically, and they did apply to a few “airplane” schools and a 10 hour drive/airplane school. But, happily, they both ended up less than 2 hours away, even in traffic. I will say this is a definite plus for us (although if they loved the far away school, that could have worked, too). We have not had any “emergencies”, and we do not run up there and solve any issues for them. We also don’t crowd them. BUT, we go there way more frequently than if they were far (for shorter duration…no need to take over their [or OUR] whole weekend…we can run up for brunch or dinner easily). It is a joy to be able to get to know their friends, take them out for a meal easily, bring them an occasional treat, etc. If I am in their city for an appointment (a few times a semester), we usually meet up for lunch. I love this. I don’t think they come home more often than they otherwise would; perhaps one extra time per semester (for something that might otherwise be optional if they were a plane ride away such as a grandparents 80th birthday party or Easter), as they are very busy and love it there, but they are always happy to see us. I probably see them on average 4-5x per semester, but again, I am not taking over their weekend when I come—it might be a Tuesday dinner or something else minor. Also, we have usually organized/brought a big tailgate each semester that their friends love. Additionally, at the end of each semester, my older child (the other is a freshman who has only known covid at college, but I expect the same from her) has always invited a bunch of friends to come to our house as there are some fun recreational things around here. I consider it a wonderful bonus that I have built relationships with their dear friends. Is it necessary? Nope. But I sure enjoy it!! :blush:

By the way, I do have a friend whose child was at school on the other side of the country, and suffered a collapsed lung and was in the ICU for a while. Recovered, but then it happened a 2nd time, and then recovered. But in the meantime, not only did she have to fly there and stay in this state for several weeks unexpectedly, BUT, that child wasn’t allowed to fly for something like 6 or 12 months. A big headache, but obviously incredibly rare. But when something happens like that to someone close to you, it worries you!

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I know you’re joking…but we just want our kids to love what they are doing and where they are doing it so much that they don’t want to be somewhere else. Knowing that brings us much joy!

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My daughter went to college about 4 hours away (by car or train). I did rush there once for a medical problem she was having (was able to get on the train the next morning). She did an internship on the opposite coast for 6 months. I again had to rush there once for a medical issue. It was a little harder than hopping on a train, but I was able to get a flight the next morning.
Now, post graduation, she still lives in that city 4 hours away. During the worst of Covid, I felt very uneasy not being able to just cross state lines by car or train and visit her. Luckily, she didn’t have any emergency that I needed to get to her. I guess if she had, I would have just violated all the rules and gone anyway.

Growing up, I lived along the train line into NYC (could be in Manhattan in an hour). In HS, my friends and I (with our parents’ blessings) would take the train into NYC in the morning, wander around all day doing museums, theatres, parks, restaurants, etc. and come home on the last train out. This was early 1980’s - no cell phones - no communication with our parents for 12 hours at a time. As a mom now, I admit that I would have to work up the courage to let my high school daughter do that same thing in 2021 - even WITH cell phones!

My oldest studied abroad one summer in the Netherlands. One day she was lawfully crossing a street and was hit by a motor scooter whose driver wasn’t looking. Thankfully she just suffered superficial bruising and scrapes (was taken by ambulance to the hospital). She didn’t call me to tell me until after she had been taken back to her dorm. If she had called me right after the accident I know I would freaked out and tried to get over there as quickly as I could. I give her a lot of credit for holding off on the call - by the time I talked to her she was calm and could give me all the details of her injuries and recovery (& sent me pictures and the hospital report). Of course I still would have gone if she needed me, but at least I wouldn’t have been completely frantic, not knowing the severity of her injuries. Nonetheless, it was hard to absorb the shock of something like that happening, in another country, thousands of miles away. Still, I wouldn’t deter my kids from studying abroad.

As far as going a long distance from home to college here in the U.S., I think success depends largely on the personality of the student, their ability to solve problems on their own, handle loneliness/homesickness, and if they are ok with only coming home for major holidays/breaks. Some kids thrive on a maximum level of independence, others aren’t quite ready.

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We limited to our ability to drive there and back in a day. My oldest came down with Lyme disease 1st semester freshman year. My 2nd has a lot of medical issues. Both were a little over an hour away. My 3rd was maybe 2 hours, and my “baby” will likely be 4 hours away. I’m pretty anxious about it, but we have a plan in place and can get there by car or public transportation if needed. I think it will be ok.

We aren’t putting any limits on our junior son’s college search. We are going to check out a few CA schools while we are on vacation this summer as he has expressed an interest in heading to the West Coast. We are in MA so it’s far - my heart sinks thinking of him so far away because we are close, but I have been nothing but extremely encouraging since it is about him and not about me.

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For us, it’s more about cost. My friend’s D had a housing disaster at U of Colorado. She hopped on a plane and helped back her up and move her to another residence hall. We don’t have that kind of money to drop. It’s also the prospect of airfare for Thanksgiving and Xmas breaks, peak travel time - $$$$. Had she had the stats to get a super deal somewhere far away, we would have let her go, but that wasn’t our situation.

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But that was probably a ‘want’ to help, not a ‘need’ to help. Many students move dorms all the time without a mom flying there to help.

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We’ve done canceling cards, dealing with insurance claims, leaving the dorm in a hurry due to covid, all from the opposite coast. The only time I’ve had to rush across the country for an urgent medical reason was for my father, and i got the news at 6 or 7pm and was there with sunrise the next morning. I do think it’s different when you are flying between two large urban centers with many options of direct flights, but yeah… distance was just never a big issue other than normal cost/logistics.

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My first thought would be medical emergencies. But kids do have to grow up and take care of themselves eventually. I can totally understand wanting to be there for your 18 year old, but when do you eventually accept the fact that you will not always be there to protect them?

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There was more to the story - but i can’t remember. I think it was freshman year and kid had a broken leg or foot from skiing too…and a car was needed for the move.

For me, it’s for financial reasons. What if something happens to me? Like a layoff or something similar. The money well dries up fast and if kid is at an exotic school, they’re transferring home, like it or not. At least if they’re in-state, they can finish a degree on student loans.

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Could it be that more kids these days have cars or access to cars? In my day not everyone had a car and a lot of us were paying for our own college, so it wasn’t always a good use of money or gas to be coming home every weekend.