<p>My son and his friends would use the grill at his dorm parents' apartment and hang out with the family. It was truly a "home away from home" and I felt the boarders got lots of attention from the house parents. Not much got by them! </p>
<p>Not all boarding schools are created equal. My son attended one for a couple of years that I felt was negligent in its supervision of the boarders. It also had too small of a boarding population with respect to day students. Rules were enforced arbitrarily. The kids were out of control. Some of the dorms were in bad condition and dust filtered in like you were in a sandstorm.</p>
<p>On the other hand, the school my son graduated from AND Interlochen, where my daughter graduated, were the most amazing places. The residential, academic and athletic/music faculty were attentive, nurturing and realistic. Faculty homes were open to students- my son could spend the night in a spare bedroom at his advisor's house if he needed a break from the dorm or a good night's sleep before a big race. There were many checks and balances and a lot of safety nets for the kids. Academics were hard, but the kids didn't compete harshly against each other. College counseling was aimed at finding the right fit for each student- not at making the school look good with acceptances to highly selective schools.</p>
<p>you people may not say boarding school is right for everyone, but 99% of the threads here seem to be about how great it is in every way. i don't see too many about the 10,000,000 different scandals at these places that made or are making the national news.</p>
<p>get both sides of the story. there are a lot of books written on the subject, and you'd be wise to look into them. preparing for power is far and away the best imo. another good one is i am charlotte simmons; even though its fiction and about college, a lot of it is the same.</p>
<p>The reason 99% say glowing things is because we feel BS is a good/best option for either our kids or ourselves. It's not because we don't see that there could be problems or are in denial, it's just that we've already made the choice. </p>
<p>And, if you look closely on the threads, there was one that discussed the recent racial problems at Loomis.</p>
<p>We've discussed these books before. We've linked to news articles, current and ancient, of scandals. From scandals involving students to those involving rifts among trustees/regents. The first thread that I started here was to compile the "dark side" of boarding school that the AdComs will never tell you...and it had numerous contributors.</p>
<p>That's not to say that those things shouldn't be mentioned again. It's to say that all of these things are in context...and the bitter comes with the sweet.</p>
<p>lbftw, you seem to think that everyone here ("you people") are all about sweetness and light. And, it's clear that you are decidedly all about bitter. You seem to think you're the yin to everyone else's yang. You've totally overlooked the fact that there's context provided here to these flaws with boarding school that you're announcing as if they are revelations. </p>
<p>We had a thread here about parents who were excited about their kids coming home for Thanksgiving. Do you think that those parents are clueless that there's a cost incurred that goes far beyond the tuition? Do you fail to apprehend that that thread was not just for Stepford Parents and that the bitter was the mortar of that thread even though it was explicitly couched in terms of being happy?</p>
<p>We get it. Thanks for the newsflash. Boarding school isn't a family trip to the Magic Kingdom.</p>
<p>You're right. It's not going to be the DisneyWorld experience that I, too, believe some kids sort of expect it to be. High school years are tough all over and boarding school isn't a sanctuary and comes with it's own set of sacrifices and problems and concerns. </p>
<p>If you want to actually discuss these things and weigh bitter against the sweet...and come down on the side that there's too much bitter...then welcome aboard. You're far from being the first one to take that position. You do have the market cornered, however, when it comes to just throwing around highly generalized notions of doom and gloom without any context at all. That's why so many people assumed you were a troll. For my part, I find it more disappointing that you're not a troll. You keep sounding the alarm and when asked for directions to the fire, you have nothing more to say than, "Oh, it's yonder. Just look for the smoke."</p>
<p>I don't object to your thesis or your conclusion. I object to your inability to provide directions that take us in the vicinity of where you think we should be going. I'm watching you struggle with this and that struggle is just about the best case you've made that boarding school is not a panacea.</p>
<p>SO YOU HAD A BAD EXPEIENCE AT BOARDING SCHOOL? don't take it out on the people on this board. because from what i can tell, everyone on here want's what best for their kids and best for themselves. </p>
<p>So maybe it wasn't the right choice for you lbftw. But, what about the thousands of kids that want to reach higher and excel? Some people dont live in good areas and dont come from rich families, yet they are smart and can't get all of the opportunities they want at their public schools. And saying, "being forced by your parents" thats not even close to true. I know so many kids that wanted to further THEIR OWN EDUCATION with no real push from their parents. I think that by bashing the world of boarding school, you are ruining peoples chances of finding out for their own. </p>
<p>Boarding school IS NOT right for everyone. Its for kids who want to push themselves and reach higher goals. Sure, scandals happen, but you think they dont happen at public school? Bad things happen at EVERY SCHOOL. Open your eyes, the world is full of bad things, threes no way to escape. But it doesnt have to be that way. If you went to boarding school and ignored all the social distractions and scandals, you would come out with an amazing education and would probably go on to do what you were supposed to and change the world. Sure, you can do this at public school to, but there is so much negative energy from the kids that dont like school. I went to public school. I know this to be true. You get held back. When you go to a school that you love, that you are going to BY CHOICE AND EFFORT, the benefits are much greater. So, while you may be set in your ways as the anti-boarding school person, I am going to say that sure. Boarding school was NOT the right thing for you to be put through, but to ruin the chances of others who may not be anything like you at all, thats just wrong. </p>
<p>And for every parent that sends his or her unwilling kid, sure that kid is going to get in trouble. Its the parents fault, thats why scandals happen. But its not boarding school, its the rebellious kid. And for every parent that doesn't research high school scandals and inform their kids that its not worth the money and time to screw up like that, then thats a shame. And, you mentioned earlier that you make bad mistakes with out your parents. what about the kids that are mature enough to handle it? they should be given the chance to find out for themselves what it's all about. But to say that 10s of millions of scandals take place at only boarding schools (which is how i'm interpreting your last message) you are horribly wrong.
watch what you say, you could fake someone out of getting a really great experience. you get what you put into it, if you went into BS thinking it was a load of crap, thinking that it was all just grade-grubbers and richies, then thats the impression you got, for thats what you were looking for. if you went in with a better attitude, you would have a better time. but maybe not.</p>
<p>apparently, i'm expected to give a full name, social security number, and 3 signed and sworn affidavits to substantiate every claim i make. how dare i want to protect my own privacy.</p>
<p>all the problems are those of any high school, but keep in mind, it isn't any high school; all the druggies, jocks, rich snobs and other people you couldn't stand are your room, dorm, team, classmates and you interact with them whether you like it or not. the school basically forces you too, and most of these schools are fairly small too. no going home at the end of the day, no doing what you like on your own time: you have no choice but to join the fray.</p>
<p>well. the greatest part is, you dont have to go there if you dont like. you dont have to like it if your forced to attend. but, you also dont ahve to hang out with the druggies jocks and richies, because you can make other friends. normal people attend private boarding schools as well. i guess you didn't notice that?</p>
<p>It seems like most everyone else here can provide examples and articulate points without resorting to giving out their SSNs, on the one hand, and making broad-based, overgeneralized and highly conclusive claims on the other.</p>
<p>You joined the fray...because you had no choice? So since I assume you couldn't become a rich snob, did you become a druggie, jock or one of the other people you couldn't stand...since those seem to be the only types of people who populate the boarding school in your head. No, you couldn't say, "I had to work hard to find down-to-earth people whose company I enjoyed." You have to create a laundry list of "types" of students that excludes people you would regard as decent. Once again, you overstate your case and undermine it, while -- paradoxically perhaps -- convincing me that you were definitely poorly served by your choice of boarding school.</p>
<p>i said there were down-to-earth people in previous posts. but there aren't enough of them that you can surround yourself exclusively with those types, and a lot of them will end up getting sucked into all the bs as well.</p>
<p>lbftw, like i've said in previous posts, i'm glad your saying what your saying, but i would also really like to know what school you went to. I'm not asking for your SSN, address, name for even what state you live in. i'm just curious and cautious as to whats chool you had such a bad experience with.</p>
<p>Nelly - I think you will find students at every school that don't like it. A friend of ours had a tour guide at Loomis who had transfered from Salisbury. We toured both and all of us - including my son the student - felt Salisbury was head and shoulders a better place for my son. I'm sure Loomis is a fine school, just not for us. Obviously, this one young man felt otherwise.<br>
A young lady I know absolutely hated Deerfield and transferred, yet I know several others who love it.<br>
I say this because where lbftw went is really less important than it might seem. You will find miserable, snobby, grade-grubbers, jocks at *every *school (public included) and it is up to you to not "give in" and become a person you don't want to be. I bet if he/she told us the school, we'd get a whole bunch of replies disputing his/her claims that nearly all the kids are as he says.</p>
<p>Exactly LindaS. I think all lbftw's criticisms are fairly generic and apply to most boarding schools. You going to find rich, preppy kids at most of these schools - they are after all expensive and it's kind of naive to expect there to be no preppy kids at a prep school.</p>
<p>As for scandals - it seems to me anytime you put together several hundred to a thousand horny teenagers getting their first taste of freedom there's bound to be a scandal or two.</p>
<p>Nelly, it is good that you are listening to lbftw (granted, it's with a well deserved grain of salt).
Not everybody likes boarding school, and it's not the worst thing in the world to have somebody challenge you to really think about the negative sides of attending a boarding school. </p>
<p>I'm currently a first year at a boarding school (it's only for high schools juniors and seniors, though, so first-year/ hs junior). I'm not at a prep school, but it is boarding (and, from what I can tell, they are EXTREMELY different experiences). There are students that really don't like it.
I'm not trying to scare you out of it, because I think that (from what I can tell by reading your posts), you have enough initiative to make a decision for yourself, and you're smart enough to make the best of your situation.
However, if lbftw worries you with something he says, it would be wise to ask more about it from other people.</p>
<p>oh no, i didn't mean to give you guys that impression at all. Nothing that lbftw said is new at all and it doesn't change my decision at all. Boarding school isn't right for some people. it doesn't sound like lbftw even wanted to go in the first place. I am definitely still applying and still as excited about it as i ever was. In fact, i've got a phone interview with st. pauls coming up pretty soon. any tipd for phone interviews? i've had a couple face to face ones already but i know the phone is going to be a lot different.</p>
<p>I am thirteen years old, and I started the whole boarding school idea. I would love to go to boarding school, and not necassarily one 20 minutes away like you suggested. I know I am replying to one of the first posts, but I had to point out that I am honestly thirteen and in the eigth grade, and I want to go to boarding school. I'm not a parent pretending.
That would be weird.</p>
<p>Hi. Oh, thanks. I know this is a little off topic from the thread title, but what schools do you have an experience with and has it been good or bad? Deerfield is my top choice right now, but I'm not sure because though I do have mostly As, and take an upper school class, I also have a C in Algebra. I think I can pull it up, but my math is pretty weak. What schools do you know about and what do you think of them? Thanks, by the way.</p>
<p>i'm not saying there are no kids who come up with the idea to go to boarding school. but it is rare, and also might be a very tough sell if your parents aren't on-board. you read some of the posts here, and you would literally have to be the most thoughtful, well-spoken thirteen year old in human history to write them.</p>
<p>good luck with your applications, and i mean that seriously. i hope you like it better than i did. one thing you should try to do (that i didn't) is go on a lot of second visits and ask good questions of as many kids as possible: not stupid stuff like "how is the food" or whatever, but more along the lines of "do you like it; do most people like it; what specifically do you like/dislike; should i come here/would you come here again?".</p>
<p>My son "chose" bs on his own. He found out about it at a young age from me, though. I am the one who introduced the idea to him. Once the seed was planted, it becase his thing. He looked forward to it all through middle school. His best friend was also going, and the friend and his mom actually brought my son on several early visits....as the friend was moving (we were already living in New England) and it would be difficult for him to visit after 7th grade. These visits are what definitely convinced my son that he absolutely had to go to bs.
HOWEVER, 4 years after my son graduated, he did tell me that he feels it would have been better to wait a year. He feels that 14 was really too young (at least for him) to go away from home. No one who knew him would ever have though that. He was always extremely mature-acting. He was supportive of his younger brother attending the same bs, but encouraged us to wait a year (which we did).
On another note....my daughter, who is a college freshman, tells me that the word is to stay away from the hockey team as they are "scummy". I am certain there must be some "un-scummy" guys on the team, but I guess this is the reputation they've garnered at this university. I thought it was an odd coincidence, since lbftw indicated this about bs hockey players.
A disclaimer....I have nothing against hockey players and am sure if one of you out there has a son who plays hockey or you are a (male) hockey player, that he/you are a true gentleman. I am just passing along something I was told (which does sound a bit exaggerated).</p>