I don’t know if anyone remembers me but I once posed about attending UCLA for the summer for Film. Unfortunately I couldn’t attend because, well, I thought I had the money…Just thought I’d give an update on that before getting to the point.
I’m currenty a Performance major. I’m sick of my university (the area, no car, etc.) , but love my department. But over the course of my year there I discovered I have an generalized anxiety disorder, developed severe depression my sophmore to junior year, and also have bipolar disorder. My GPA dropped from a 3.5/6 to 3.0/1. I have one year left and I have not been in a single play and I need three to graduate.
I studied abroad and helped worked back stage at my uni for fun and loved it. My advisor told me I could switch to Production major if I wanted and still graduate on time. When I’m behind the scene and still feel happy sort of…EverytimeI do something I still feel like I don’t know what I’m doing… (I cried one time because I thought a group of majors hated me, haha). I got a small scholarship with working backstage…and helping… Because of my illness I recluse myself more often then I should, but I don’t favor it. So, I spend most of my weekends alone (I’m a year behind b/c of my travels. I love theatre/acting a lot but because of my illness I’m having real hard time enjoying my major because of it–like I’m doing it out of reluctance.
I’ve tried finding internships, but nothing. I’m currently living my mom and trying to find decent work for the rest of the summer. My stepdad asked me what I wanted to do after I graduate and I told him I didn’t know…he says I need to.
I added a second major, computer science/math, midway through and I have two years left for that. I haven;t stared the CS side yet because I’ve been preoccupied with theatre…But, I’ve decided to transfer with that major. If my calculations are correct the highest GPA I can get is a 3.2/3.3. So now I’m looking for colleges that’ll accept me out the state…out the country even… I’ve been playing with scenarios in my head: I could stay in state, get the degrees then leave, I can go out the state/country–New York/London(no needed car)–get my CS degree while implementing my production degree if I change, etc…
At the moment, I’ve been playing with scenarios, a bunch of what ifs, and I don’t know what I want to do with my life at all…I’m just trying to be happy…it’s rather hard… Any advice or guidance would be lovely. And thank you in advance…
I don’t know much about CS but I would hope that you go easy on yourself as much as possible. Try not to measure your self-worth based on your GPA or income (once you get into the work force). Also, keep in mind your step dad is probably trying to help you but if he is pressuring you let him know and maybe he’ll back off a little.
Everyone feels some pressure/stress. That’s part of life. Part of it, a lot of it actually, is the economics of having to make a living so if you can jump that hurdle a lot of other stuff will fall into place naturally.
It’s tough you have medical issues but hopefully you can manage those well. I guess my primary message is don’t rush life. You do have to do certain things but try not to let it all build up. You mentioned you were by yourself some, that isn’t good, not to judge, but see if you can develop some support systems in and outside of your family unit.
Family member worked as a professional theater technician. His advice…if you like and do well at the technical side of theater, you will always be able to find work.
CS is a pretty intense major with a sequence of courses. If you have not started yet, it is hard to imagine you can finish that in two years.
Bipolar most often has onset during college years and can change a lot of plans, sometimes for the better. Performance can be kind of destabilizing (my daughter has bipolar 1 and had to avoid performance for a few years until she got a feel for the new territory). Working production/ tech sounds like a great combination of your interest in theater and interest in technology. It sounds great that you will graduate on time if you do that if that timetable works for you in other ways.
The most important thing with a diagnosis of bipolar is to get the right med or combination of meds, and also learn how to manage the illness day to day, especially keeping regular hours and avoiding major stress. Easier said than done I know. I don’t know which kind f bipolar you were diagnosed with but it does take time to get a handle on your own particular version of this challenge.
It sounds good to stay in state and buckle down while you get acclimated.
I have read a lot of books on the subject and believe it or not “Bipolar Disorder for Dummies” is my favorite.
Your stepfather is expecting a kind of certainty about what you are going to do that is not really reasonable, though his hope for it is understandable. Many many students graduate without a clear idea of what they are going to do and nowadays most 20 somethings zig and zag quite a bit before finding a niche. That said, it might help you to talk with th career office and try to get the beginnings of a path going, because life transitions can be tough for everyone and even more for people with mental health challenges.
I agree with compmon that this is not the time for you to be making plans to study, live or work abroad rout of state, switch to comp sci or make other major life-altering changes. It’s time to focus on your health - regular hours and reduced stress. Graduating from your program with a production major sounds like a good way to go - and take the comp sci courses to test your interest. You can always go back to school for comp sci later.
But I don’t think your step dad is asking for a life plan after you graduate. He’s asking what will you do immediately after college. You may not know right now but yes, you need some kind of plan - to find a job, go back to school in comp sci, to get an internship in theater production. You may change your mind, or find that you can’t follow through on the original plan, but having a plan -that is, thinking ahead - is an important adult skill. Talk to the career counseling office while that resource is available to you.
I’d suggest going to Production major and get your degree in something you enjoy . If that doesn’t happen, then take courses for CS later on. They seem like two totally different paths.
Just want to say to take care of yourself first. Avoid stress, get out and exercise even if that is not what you are inclined to do. Try to be proactive. It’s tough I know but do as much as you can manage. Keep a routine.
If you don’t like your doctor, find another.
As to switching schools right now–I’d hang in where you are. It may seem “the grass is greener” but really it would be very stressful to start over even in a good environment so close to graduating. Perhaps there are “uber” services that can give you car service (cheaper than switching schools).
As to never feeling in control or like you don’t know what you’re doing–you’ll never be alone in that. It can be similar to “stage fright”–the body takes over sometimes even if your brain says you are fine.
." Fake it 'til you make it".-- Use that performance training to pull you through. I’m not being flippant (there have been studies) --putting on a confident air (even if you do NOT feel it) will help your body respond to calm anxiety. Deep breaths and shoulders back–do the “Wonder Woman” pose.
I think every parent asks the question “what are you going to do”? Even a partial plan will be helpful. And if it doesn’t work out? Well, it doesn’t. Plan B can be formulated a bit later.
Just want to add that Tufts has a postgrad one year program in CS and I am sure other schools do. A young person I know graduated with a major in dance, and then took summer CS classes to gauge her interest in the one year program. You have lots of options ahead but hope you can finish the path you are on now first
Thank you! I have type II–way more downs than ups as compared to type I.
My doctors are nice, but because I tend to move to a different area, i.e.staying with mom, staying with my dad etc I don’t have the same one for more than a year. I’ve tried working out but ended up reverting back to my reclused ways. So when it comes to taking care of myself I find it hard in that regard it’s rather hard. When it comes to confidence, I feel foolish, haha. Is it okay to try and be confident? I feel slightly narcisstic everytime I try, so I figure I have to improve myself a little. Even typing about it now I feel ridiculous…
The one thing I knew that always made me smile was travelling. I feel like because of my illness I seem to “mess up” in terms of making new friends. I don’t want to be considered that “weird kid”. Once I knew that slot was comprimised I wanted to build my life some place anew. I do like CS though (well, based off of that one class) and I will look into Tufts, thank you.
As for Production, I’m going to orgnise my remainder classes and then email my advisor and talk to them about it.
As someone, I think @compmom , has pointed out, I can use CS/Production together. It’s possible and I like that route too…But I understand…
I agree with those who say stay where you’re at. Focus on getting the degree. It may not be the most exciting time in your life, so what. Getting a degree is a nice accomplishment. If you find it tedious, look for fun, easy ways to reward yourself for completing a semester or getting a good grades, such as an overnight trip some place fun, or treat yourself to a concert or a massage. Get through the remaining time at college one semester, one month, one test at a time. Chunk it down into manageable pieces.
Also, in a way, you do know what you’re doing. You are working towards getting a bachelor’s degree. Don’t minimize what you’ve done so far. You are very young and plenty of time to figure life out.
Join a yoga class. Seriously. Learn to center and focus. Find a friend to join you if possible. And at the very least it’ll will get you out of your room with a purpose. And fun. Put it in your schedule.
Okay to try to be confident? Absolutely. Funny thing about confidence and acting confident–it’s a skill that you need to practice. It does not come naturally to most people. Which is why “fake it til you make it” is my advice based on scientific studies . There is an element of doubt in every decision ever made–no matter how great the decision maker.
Confidence won’t happen over night. Practice makes better. Listen to trusted people around you–if they have faith in your abilities then you should too.
Narcissistic is a very strong word. If you fit that definition you wouldn’t be questioning confidence. Far from it.
Just strike it out. Replace it with need a " healthy outlook on my self worth". A worthy goal for everyone.
