<p>Big coming out party for some. If your family doesn’t have money it can be very very hard. Not festive, but in your face. My d had a friend with a learning difference that was discovered in high school. It limited her college choices. It was hard to say, oh imaging here because they have a special program for people with learnting disabilities. Some had to go to cc because of finances. Some had to stay local because of family. Yet you had these jocks dumb as doorknobs going to amazing schools because they rowed real good.</p>
<p>I went through a conversation like that with a woman when I asked her where her daughter had gone to college, although it started with “going to college back east” so we had a lot more steps to go through before she got the fact out that her D had attended Harvard.</p>
<p>I told her, for heaven’s sake, just spit it out! It shouldn’t be a state secret and it isn’t going to make me feel bad if your D went to Harvard. </p>
<p>But trying to hide the ball made it seem more pretentious than actually attending Harvard.</p>
<p>in my opinion, get over yourself and be happy for other people. my bff was extremely excited when he learned he could transfer to UT. I’m sooooo happy for him. Everyone has their own path, just be happy with where you are at and where you are going. Obviously there will be some tension, but most likely after 4 years you won’t care where some people from your high school ended up going. college is what you make of it anyways - you can be the hardest worker at a safetly and do better than someone who doesnt have the same drive/creativity at an Ivy.</p>
<p>One of my top schools was Vanderbilt, and because someone got recruited for Basketball, no-one else from my HS got in. I got into Brown as rank 17 and our Valeldictorian didn’t. But by the same token she got into Harvard and Princeton. Honestly why can’t people just be happy for each other.</p>
<p>And to be honest, to the people who are complaining, you should either work harder or realize that the school you are going to is the right fit for you. Like I said, get over yourselves.</p>
<p>^ By the way, the above was a covert way of bringing greater attention to this thread without actually appearing to do so. It’s my very FIRST featured thread! But none of you get jealous, OK?</p>
<p>When my daughter got into her dream school, she was bursting with excitement. She very thoughtfully, however, contained her enthusiasm the following day at school, because she knew that there would be people who did not get in that college or other colleges that they wanted. It was at least a week before she wore a college t-shirt (and she’d been wearing that college’s t-shirts for years) – only after she saw some of her disappointed friends wearing the shirts of the schools that they would be attending.</p>
<p>Necessary? No. Considerate of others’ feelings? Very. Follow-up: Her friends who had to “settle” are now quite happy with their schools and wouldn’t choose to be anywhere else.</p>
<p>33 years ago, a friend of mine in high school applied to the same college I did. I got in, and she didn’t. I was always careful to not to say anything to make her feel bad about it. However, every time I’ve seen her for the last 33 years, she has brought it up. </p>
<p>Now, her son is going to that same college with my son.</p>
<p>Sounds like if you go to Harvard, you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. If you are open and direct, you’re accused of being an arrogant braggart; if you try to be discreet, you’re pretentious.</p>
<p>I told my daughter to follow what I called the UCLA Rule. If it was okay in the social situation for a UCLA student to say or reply that s/he went to UCLA, then it’s okay for her to say she went to Harvard. Be neither shy nor boastful about it. Just say it in an even and matter-of-fact way. If someone is going to offended by the fact that you are a student at Harvard (and there are a few who for some reason get greatly bothered or even stunned by that fact), it’s their problem and not yours.</p>
<p>I definitely think this is true. In the case with my professor, it was obvious he was a bit uncomfortable and he wasn’t sure what to say-- I don’t believe he was trying to brag at all. He laughed at himself along with us when we called him out on having been to Yale (sort of a "oh, like we don’t know what you’re talking about <em>nudge nudge wink wink</em> moment) after a moment of looking genuinely uncomfortable. I feel like in our case he shouldn’t have felt weird about it, we were umich students and while we weren’t yale we were certainly nothing to sneeze at and I know he felt that way too, but if I had to guess I’d say he’s had uncomfortable past experiences and he wasn’t sure how best to be gracious. Some people most certainly do brag, I think others may be genuinely concerned about how they’re coming across and feel they have to tread lightly. I don’t believe for a second this professor would ever, ever have said something condescending on purpose, especially not to his students.</p>
<p>This kind of information is received differently all around the world, too. While I was still a student at umich, there were times I preferred not to admit that I went there around my hometown in Michigan because of the way people reacted. You don’t have to go to the ivy league to get the, “ooooh, you must be SOOOO smart!” reaction and it’s just embarrassing and weird.</p>
<p>I don’t see how wearing college apparel is any different than wearing a letterman jacket. Many kids in the school were cut from the sports team. Many did not win in individual competition sports (tennis, wrestling, etc.). Similarly, some got into their first choice colleges, some did not.</p>
<p>These are young men and women ready to head out into the world. I would hope by age 18 that their egos aren’t so delicate that they can’t see life from the perspective that everyone has a unique set of abilities. Or realize that they did not put in enough effort.</p>
<p>Dealing with disappointment in a healthy way is a necessary coping skill.</p>
<p>I love coureur’s UCLA rule. Why would you have to be worried about how you’re “coming across” if you answer the question, “Where did you go to college?” with a statement of fact? There is no call for anyone to be coy, boastful or ashamed about his or her undergraduate education, no matter what the alma mater.</p>
<p>P.S. I was at a meeting yesterday where one of my favorite colleagues came in sporting a Notre Dame lanyard and carrying a similarly branded water bottle. I simply thought, “Oh, now I guess I know where XXXX went to college.”</p>
<p>I love the Notre Dame spirit. I really do. I think it’s quite nice and quite enviable. I love how generations of families are part of Notre Dame to a level you don’t often see with other high level schools.</p>
<p>My D’s school has a “post when you’ve committed to a school” Facebook group. A couple of days ago, a young woman posted her decision to go to Harvard. She’s received more “likes” than anyone else, although the virtual high fives have been flying for everyone, whether they’re going to Harvard or Southern Illinois University or wherever. One guy who posted his decision to go to UVM the day after Miss Harvard logged her decision got this message from a classmate: “Shoulda waited till the Harvard water settled, my friend.” You ask me, we should give our kids the benefit of the doubt. I think the vast majority of them (cobrat’s uncommonly bellicose high school classmates notwithstanding) have the good sense and good breeding to sort this stuff out just fine all on their own. </p>
<p>The only person at my kid’s school who didn’t get any “likes” is this one kid who has been kind of a pill since first grade. She announced her decision then signed off, “good riddance, #$Xm$#$ *$@&f@!”</p>
<p>Well, “pretentious” is not quite the word I was looking for, because she wasn’t acting pretentious…she’s a nice lady. She didn’t want to admit that her D had attended Harvard because…well, I’m not sure why. Because it was such an achievement and she didn’t want me to feel bad in comparison? Because she didn’t want for me to have pre-conceived notions about her D (and her, derivatively)? I’m mystified…</p>
<p>School spirit can be obnoxious too, if taken to an extreme. One extreme is when it becomes exclusionary, such that you can never be “one of us” if you didn’t got to X college or university. I haven’t personally faced this, but hear it happens in families with regard to schools like Penn State and Notre Dame–I guess because of football? There were plenty of divisive discussions at Thanksgiving this year about the Paterno scandal.</p>
<p>Another obnoxious aspect of school spirit is when the person seems to believe that any awesome thing about his school somehow confers that quality on him personally. While it’s great that your school produces, let’s say, lots of Rhodes scholars, that doesn’t mean you yourself are smart and accomplished enough to be one, so stop strutting! The reverse of this is probably worse. If something bad happens at my kid’s school, there are people who call them out on it, and me too sometimes, as if they were personally to blame or somehow tainted. A friend’s son got chewed out because he attends a school that didn’t want ROTC on campus. People seemed to think he, by extension, was anti-military. And then there’s this acquaintance who makes sure to comment on the slightest negative thing about my D’s school. If there’s a flood 50 miles away, then the school is in a bad location. Last night she was watching the NFL draft and texted me about how ugly the player was from D’s university. Her school, apparently, had a better-looking player with a nicer voice. </p>
<p>Obviously, the brand means something. If you went to Harvard, people can pretty safely assume you’re not stupid and you had access to a quality education. But you really shouldn’t take the association to imply much more than that.</p>
<p>Weird. In my area of the world and high school years, UCLA wasn’t looked upon very different from the elite universities/LACs…especially considering it was just as difficult to get in as an OOS student. </p>
<p>My California cousins also found they had to temper their UCLA spirit at times for fears of causing unanticipated offense…especially those who attended lower ranking UCs or worse, USC. The latter not only had a deep-seated rivalry with UCLA…but from even my own limited observations during my '90’s family visits to California…a palpable inferiority complex. </p>
<p>This even caused a few UCLA alum cousins/their friends to lose potential dates/cause them to go off on them…a reason why they became wary of dating USC grads after a while. </p>
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<p>I wear a lot of college t-shirts…regardless of the logo/prestige of school if friends/relatives gave them to me and it happens to be a “whatever shirt” I randomly drew out of my drawer for the late evening/weekend. They range from Oberlin to Northeastern and UC-Davis…two colleges friends have attended. </p>
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<p>There’s a possibility the student didn’t fit into the mix of classmates from first grade onward. Sounds like many undergrad classmates I knew who were considered “pills” or “misfits” during their K-12 years. </p>
<p>Out of curiosity, is she heading to Oberlin? :)</p>
<p>Also, one high school classmate had the following yearbook quote: “Joy to those who wish me well and those who don’t can go to hell.”</p>