<p>I cannot invite my mother to her grandchildren’s honors day because she is so convinced that honoring one child over another is wrong. Drives me insane and she is so pouty (unless her grandchild gets the award) that we no longer include her. It isn’t worth reasoning with her (she once wrote a note to the principal of the middle school expressing dismay over how the program was run) so she just doesn’t get invited. No idea if she realizes it, she probably thinks they have done away with such days, which in her mind would be a good idea.</p>
<p>Last year, I believe there was a study about the negative impact of false praise on children and I shared it with her. She didn’t like the author’s conclusions.</p>
<p>Could this be just a way to have a big “coming out” on May 1? Everyone gets to wear his/her t-shirt for the first time.</p>
<p>Seriously, the whole thing is rather amusing. Anyone can purchase Harvard apparel. It’s not like you can only magically wear their gear if you’ve been accepted.</p>
<p>If I were the second place girl and got to win because the best girl was not running, I don’t know how good that would me feel. I, and everyone else who was paying attention, would know that I only won because my competition was missing. Nothing would have changed–I’d still be second best and I would have lost the benefit of that faster person in front of me pushing me to a better time. And isn’t the coach inadvertently communicating that he doesn’t believe that the girl can ever beat my D on her own and through her own efforts?</p>
<p>Similarly, in this college apparel situation, doesn’t this send the message that the school acknowledges that acceptances are so very important that we anticipate students getting extremely upset and perhaps not being to exercise emotional self-control, so we are going to censor the information flow to avoid that? I think this policy tells kids this IS a huge deal, when they actually want to help kids see the opposite—that they’ll be just fine and do well wherever they’re going.</p>
<p>Also, I don’t think any posters are confused about this rule not only applying to elite school apparel. The article, though, makes it clear that the rule was instituted to prevent kids from feeling bad about not getting one of the elite acceptances. There is less concern, apparently, about a student feeling bad about not getting into Podunk U.</p>
<p>Does the school really think that the kids don’t know who is going where by now? Is not wearing a sweatshirt really going to change that? It’s kind of like the whole uniform argument where adults thing that by wearing uniforms the kids won’t know who has money and who does not…get serious, the kids all know, and I would think that at a private prep school these kids are pretty smart kids and can figure it out with or without a sweatshirt.</p>
<p>At my son’s “inner city” school, they have a special day (this Friday) when everyone is encouraged to wear clothing from the college they are going to. It’s a pretty big deal. When the recruited members of the football team had their letter of intent signing ceremony, all the other senior football team members were there, too and announced the schools they were applying/or had been accepted to. The attitude here, is if you get into a great school or program, almost everyone is thrilled for you.</p>
<p>When my kids were toddlers, they had cute a little Harvard track suit that I think I passed down to at least 3 of the 4 before it fell apart. We also had an MIT t shirt at one point (H was from Boston, it was easy to get these things.)</p>
<p>I imagine I inadvertantly offended many people… :rolleyes:</p>
<p>High school junior here. This is just ridiculous. At my school, no one holds back, and it makes for a very healthy environment. Everyone is extremely supportive, and are happy when others succeed, not saddened. If I was censored in any way on this matter, I would be very angry. Even if I don’t get into my top choice schools, I don’t want kids who did get in (and everyone knows they did) to not wear apparel sporting their success and happiness.</p>
<p>I think the only kids that are hurt by all the college apparel are those that can not afford to go to any college and will not be attending in the fall. </p>
<p>It seems the high schools that are doing this are the ones with most (if not all) of their graduating class is going off to college. I don’t feel sorry at all for any child that gets this opportunity no matter where they matriculate. Besides the kids that had this typed of environment had a lot of good things in their favor that offset the ultra competitive culture.</p>
<p>ETA: My kids hs is a middle of the road public school and only 3 or so go off to top schools out of close to 600 kids. Many do not even graduate high school.</p>
<p>Maybe with ED and EA acceptances, they didn’t want kids boasting acceptances as early as mid Dec. </p>
<p>I don’t know what to think about all of this. If the school has a lot of high-pressure parents and students under pressure, maybe this is one way that they can minimize some of it. </p>
<p>At other schools, kids wear the hoodies of whatever school they recently visited…it’s not a proclamation of acceptance.</p>
<p>This is a SAD state of affairs!!! Come on, when does it stop? How are we preparing our children, and when are we going to prepare them? We cannot shield them from disappointment. Both and OP’s story and the sweatshirt issue, are examples of coddling our children. If you talk to managers in todays world, they are already complaining that millinneals dont take criticism well, they have been told they are special their whole lives. They have been raised in an environment where everyone gets a trophy, you didnt finish your paper? sure you can turn it in late, I will just dock a few points…We are doing our children SUCH a disservice. I am quite frankly tired of it. I am not sure that the kids were having such a hard time with college acceptance, but the parents make a big deal out of it. When you have parents trying to literally kill other parents over not making the cheer squad, that says a lot. What has become of our society.</p>
<p>Case in point, my kids attend one of the top suburban school districts in the city. Well until this year, there was zero tolerance for cell phones. Now, after many complaints the kids can use their phones doing the day. Most of the complaints came from the tethered parents! Heaven forbid that you would have to call the office and leave a message for your child, or you could send your child a text, and they would see it after school. Apparently thats not good enough.</p>
<p>I am sooo over the parents raising kids with this sense of entitlement. You want to be first in track, then practice! What a novel concept. I remember when my d completed an art project in 4th grade, that would be displayed at the hs art show. The teacher sent a note home asking that I not announce it, because they didnt want the other childrens feelings hurt. What about instilling a sense of pride and accomplishment in my daughter? OK, my rant is over…</p>
<p>First, GFG, so sorry for your struggles with your daughter, her horrible coach, and best wishes going forward with her.</p>
<p>Secondly, as for clothing, when a kid wears a T-shirt, it may mean nothing about his/her affiliation. When my sons wear their Phillies T-shirts, I don’t think anyone assumes they are major league ball players :)</p>
This is the case at my kids’ high school as well–it’s especially tacky to wear it the day after decisions come in. But this is a magnet school where there may be a dozen kids applying to (say) Princeton, but only a couple will get in. Most kids are quite solicitous of their friend’s disappointment, and hold off on wearing the t-shirt. Not until May 1, necessarily, but at least until a bit after all the decisions have come in. After May 1, they put up a big sheet of paper, and the kids all write the logo of the school they’re attending and sign it.</p>
<p>I agree. It’s absurd of a school to set up a policy like that but some kids could use better manners. My kid’s HS had a kid going around announcing how their grandparents spent x million dollars and secured a spot for the kid at an Ivy in the early round. Needlessly to say, there were plenty rejections from the same school who everyone, right or wrong, thought better qualified than this kid. Not a pretty sight.</p>
<p>^ Wouldn’t that make the rejected kids feel better, knowing he bought his way in–that it wasn’t because the Ivy thought they weren’t as strong an applicant as he? At least he was honest and gave credit where credit was due. Others in his shoes might have acted as though they were smarter and more accomplished even though they weren’t.</p>
<p>The facts are what they are and we all have a choice in how we process them and react to them. Personally, I’d much rather be empowered with the facts than have someone try to “protect” me by keeping the truth from me.</p>
<p>It’s one thing to know that Johnny got into Harvard–it’s something else for Johnny to wear all his Harvard regalia the day after decisions come out. At my kids’ school, it would be no problem for Johnny to tell people he got in, and even to post it on his Facebook (as long as he doesn’t scan and post the acceptance letter, as one kid did for another selective school). But wearing the shirt too soon is considered indiscrete.</p>
<p>^^NO, I think kids feel better if they fought a fair game and lost. Like you weren’t up to it, Deserving one got it, Congratulate them and move on. My take was this incident turned them somewhat cynical.</p>
<p>I think schools are between a rock and a hard place. They don’t want excessive distractions going on at school, hence they attempt to make these rules.</p>
<p>I think they know that they can’t prevent all hurt feelings; after all, some kids didn’t have any good college choices work out. </p>
<p>And, what about all the scholarship announcements? I went to one and nearly every child had some scholarship announced. Only a tiny handful had none. I was embarrassed for those kids and their parents. </p>
<p>As mentioned earlier, anyone can wear any schools’ spiritwear. Many kids buy a hoodie at every school they visit and then wear them to school. It doesn’t mean that they were accepted.</p>
<p>Besides, what’s to keep a kid from wearing a Harvard shirt on May 1st, when he’s really going to UMich or somewhere else?</p>
<p>mommusic - I am guilty of that, too. When my kid was two, we made a snowman and draped it in an oversized Princeton scarf. We were oblivious to Ivy fever.</p>
Fear of being mocked? Every couple of years at my kids’ school, a kid will claim (as a joke) that he got into Harvard–it always backfires on him embarrassingly.</p>
<p>I lived this experience at a college graduation! Before the diplomas were handed out, it was announced that only academic awards would be recognized. Many students had contributed to the college in other ways, but except for one special male/female award for the student who has contributed most to the life of the college, only academic awards would be announced.The way this was announced, you just knew that there had been complaints in the past. </p>
<p>After the ceremony, the father of my kid’s freshman roommate went up and complained how unfair it was! His kid was a varsity athlete and captain of a team. Now, dad was complaining that it was unfair to announce which kids graduated cum laude, with honors in their majors, had been elected to Phi Beta Kappa, won major fellowships like the Fullbright or a Rhodes, etc. because all the graduates families were there and it was wrong to single people out for their accomplishments!</p>
<p>His kid’s name had been in the college paper at least once a week during the season for that sport for four years. I’m not begrudging that–I just found it hilarious that it was the father of the captain of a varsity sports team who complained about graduates being singled out for their achievements!</p>