I find the whole correlation of drinking under 17 to later addiction interesting. I am not saying it isn’t true, but in my small sample I don’t find it true.
I was first introduced to alcohol by my older brother. He was a freshman in college and I was a freshman in HS. I went for a weekend and a football game. I drank like all the other college students that night. I didn’t feel great for the game the next day. While in HS my friends and I drank plenty mostly beer. We found places we could buy or get it from other people. I went down a few more times in HS to visit my brother even going to a frat party. We knew the kids that were doing drugs in HS, but we didn’t hang with them. I honestly can’t think of any of the HS friends that ended up with a drinking problem. These days I am lucky to finish a beer if I open it at home. I really only drink in social situations and with kids that is few and far between.
On the other hand my D19 can easily get drugs while in HS. She was joking with me about 2 months ago that she could get me some weed if I wanted. She says it is harder to get alcohol while in HS than drugs. I can believe that. My D19 doesn’t run with the party crowd in HS. She keeps herself plenty busy most of the time. I am also not one of those parents that will provide alcohol at my house for HS kids. I have heard of some parents doing that and taking everyone’s keys away. I am not going to break the law for other kids.
When the time comes to drop my D19 off at school next fall I plan on arming her with plenty of strategies while facing the party scene. Like never take a drink or open container from someone. Pour your own drink or open it yourself. The later you start drinking in the night the more likely you won’t be plastered early in the party. Don’t be afraid to skip a round of shots if that arises. Overall just be smart.
As a counterpoint many schools teach their students about safe consumption. It’s almost unavoidable on campuses. It’s best to be responsible when drinking but you have to remember the people drinking are just normal students justmlime everyone else. It’s not a crazy taboo.
@ucbalumnus , the research I had read was more about the effects of alcohol on a developing brain and it made a compelling argument for saying “it’s fine when you are older but none now”. And it was very much against “a little under parental supervision” when they are still teenagers. They likened this to telling your daughter that sex was fine when she was older and in a mature relationship , then saying "it’s nye! You can get laid but just tonight. " The logic just doesn’t work.
I am not disputing the value of experience – but I think most of the alcohol educators feel that approach is not helpful and they point to evidence that places that allow youth drinking end up with high rates of adult alcohol abuse.
I suppose too there is a big difference between a glass of wine with dinner (alcohol as a beverage) and drinking to get drunk (alcohol as a drug). If you read a book like “girls and sex”, it describes many using alcohol as a way to steel yourself for social encounters and/or to relieve oneself of responsibility for them. A glass of chardonnay with dinner isn’t going to educate around that at all.
The challenge around this topic is that alcohol use is generally just a piece in a much bigger puzzle that can involve self confidence and social norms. AND unlike slicing yourself with a razor blade or throwing up after binge eating, it can be part of a normal, healthy lifestyle for an adult so it’s not black and white good or bad. With that said, I do think there are ways kids use alcohol (shots as pre-gaming) that most of us can agree will not fit into any healthy lifestyle model.
Fwiw, I found this to be one of the more challenging topics to navigate as a parent…
We live in Switzerland for the moment, and the drinking age is 16 for beer and wine, 18 for hard alcohol. D19 goes to an international school, and while there may be a hard-drinking culture in parts of the student body, there isn’t really among her friend group. They’re able to have a pretty mature approach – definitely alcohol as a beverage, as you put it, @gardenstategal. I haven’t seen any evidence that parties or dinners she’s gone to have gotten out of hand, nor that she herself has overindulged (though I know she does enjoy and appreciate white wine).
She’ll be going to Parsons next year, where I understand there isn’t much of a party culture per se. Perhaps part of that is in the gender mix, nearly 80% women. The workload can also be intense, so people rarely seem to devote a full weekend to socializing. I’m glad she won’t be surrounded by raucous fraternity parties, though I think she would have avoided them even if she’d gone to a school with a more traditional campus.
S22 doesn’t like the idea of drinking very much, though that of course might change. He frowns on overindulgence by his parents, which isn’t frequent but has been known to occur. I’ll be interested to see what kind of high-school drinking culture he finds when we relocate next summer to Boston. (It’s possible he’ll be with a slightly younger cohort. He’s young for his year, and we’re considering whether he should become our S23, mainly for sports reasons. We’ll see.)