Dropping off first year potential athlete

Athletic Recruits
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<p>Just got back from a 20-hour trip non-stop this morning and can't wait to post the thought.</p>

<p>The school DS attending is so beautiful and so different from the place we are living in. The mountains, creeks, trees and temperature make us wanted to stay with him and didn't want to go home. He had to kick us out literally otherwise he will transfer some where else. So we stay one more day without him and wondering around and he went to backpack hiking pre-orientation trip.</p>

<p>I stopped by two times to evaluate his potential soccer team. I was amazed by number of players at pre camp. There were 36 players at the time I was watching. There were good players and knew how to play. I will say it is a good decent team but compare the size of school(1400+) and academic high caliber and I will say it is an amazing team. I don't know if DS will will be accepted as walk on since he is not recruited. He will have a try out when school starts. </p>

<p>During the trip, my wife told me that one day DS said he wanted to glue himself and his Mon together so she would not be separated from him when he was young. The final day saying goodbye he can't wait to kick us out saying that "Why you are still here? you aren't supposed here now." What a changed from a kid to a young man.</p>

<p>I did not have final words to say to him. I didn't want to show my weakness in front of him because I chocked at that moment. Waked up at 3 am and wrote a letter to him and hoped he could read it when he was wondering on wildness on Smoke Mountains under dazing starts at night.</p>

<p>I did miss him very much and a big chunk of me is out, scolding for missing soccer gears before game, cheering at the sideline, comforting his defeats and joying for his school. I spent one year of helping him to apply schools without work. At the time we were leaving for this trip, I landed a very good software developer consulting work again, what a timing. He is an awesome kid but without me the outcomes will be different. He didn't want to acknowledge it but I knew he agreed with me but sake of argument and pride he think he can do it without me. Now I finish my job for helping him and the money I am going to earn will be put it into my retirement fund instead my kid. I am happy for myself now or AM I?</p>

<p>I like these words from someone posted:</p>

<p>"I was the sun, the kids were my planets.</p>

<p>I wasn't wrong about their leaving.</p>

<p>My husband kept telling me I was. That it wasn't the end of the world when first one child, then another , and then the last packed their bags and left for college.</p>

<p>But it was the end of something. <code>Can you pick me up, Mom?"</code>What's for dinner?" ``What do you think?"

I was the sun and they were the planets.

And there was life on those planets, whirling, non stop plans and parties and friends coming and going, and ideas and dreams and the phone ringing and doors slamming.

And I got to beam down on them. To watch. To glow. And then they were gone, one after the other.

``They'll be back," my husband said. And he was right. They came back. But he was wrong, too, because they came back for intervals -- not for always, not planets anymore, making their predictable orbits, but unpredictable, like shooting stars."</p>

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<p>Sigh . . . . me too!</p>

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<p>Beautiful post, SoccerDad. Congratulations on the job, and on sharing your reflections. I have one more week with D2 and then she shoots away.</p>

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<p>Forgot to mention that we are officially certified as “Empty Nest” now.</p>

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<p>very nice. Made me smile. Please let us know if he makes the soccer team! And best of luck in your new job :-)</p>

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<p>can you share the school? it sounds lovely.</p>

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<p>Congratulations on your new job and your new role. I just wanted to say that I don’t think it shows weakness to show your love for your son. Both your lives are changing forever and it is ok to feel sad and choke up a little. It shows your great love for your son and that is the greatest of all gifts.</p>

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<p>If anyone is interested in a book on this topic, I’m reading “Don’t tell me what to do, just send me money”. It is about the changing parent/college student dynamic and how to handle issues and cope with the seperation. This book was brought up at our parent orientation at my son’s school. I’ve found it an interesting book so far. I figured I better read it as I have to do this again two more times. ;-)</p>

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<p>Thanks for encouragement words from all CC.</p>

<p>Mino, I will not share DS school here since I posted some comments at the beginning which is immature. I don’t want other CC misunderstood the school I love now. Plus I took one year off to help DS to apply school which is like a gambling that I don’t feel comfortable with. If I had knowledge I have now I would not do because it is too risky. The night before DS move in day, we/four watched the movie Lion King. In movie, Mufasa said to Simba “I am brave when I have to.” which is the motto I try to tell my kids and live with. Away from the temptation at the first place because I don’t believe I am strong to fact that is the lesson I asked my kids to acknowledge when they are away from home.</p>

<p>DS is out of shape and probably will not make it for walk on so he is taking a PE soccer and trying to impress coach also volunteer as youth coach for U8-U10 at local community. Any comment?</p>

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<p>SoccerDad – for S to have a chance on making team at some point, he should devote as much time and effort as he can to strength and fitness activities and keep his technical skills up. This is much easier to do for the guys on the team. S will have to be motivated enough to do it on his own for now. Heart, determination and hard work are recognized by coaches, but the college-level game is a completely different experience, even for fit players from top club teams. S should try to stay on the coach’s radar screen, and if the youth team he is helping coach is at a club the college coach has a connection to, so much the better. Good luck to your son!</p>

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<p>Royal, 100% agree with you.</p>

<p>DS’s school started today and did not try out at all so he will not play this year. There are so many things going on and he doesn’t have time. I don’t foresee DS is going to play soccer next year. Pretty much DS soccer career is over now. The priority of playing soccer is low and academic is No. 1 now.</p>

<p>We were troubled to learn that there was a limit of student pool he could make friend from. DS now realizes that is the fact of LAC. Since soccer is out he will have less chances to make friend. During the parent orientation I saw player were eating at the restaurant and hanging out as group. </p>

<p>There are some discouragements over there. He is down but he doesn’t want us to know. Communication between us is limited because he doesn’t want us to worry but I can feel it. Pray…</p>

<p>PS. one plus sign, there are a lot of musicians at his hall. One day DS and other guy were playing a grant piano and other people passed by and started to joint and brought in other instruments. DS is planing to form a band/group to entertain other students at his hall. Nice…</p>

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<p>Soccerdad, don’t worry. There is time, just encourage him to get involved in some other way, such as the music. He will find a niche. And if he is truly unhappy, he will let you know, and I assume he did not sign a four year commitment letter! Lots of kids have early disappointment as they get acclimated, and maybe he is feeling unhappy about not playing soccer. Either way, things will work out. Hang in there!!</p>

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<p>Updated:</p>

<p>One more good side. DS visited the school’s clinic and doctor referred him to see a specialist few days ago.</p>

<p>Today school contacted a doctor and arranged someone drive him to near by hospital, 45 minutes away and done all paper works. DS school really take care their students. Nice…</p>

<p>According the specialist visiting, he had a fracture on his right hand beside his thumb and needed a hand surgery since fracture was not heal right from before. He told the doctor that injury was occurred last year December during soccer game. He hasn’t complained too much as I recalled. He still continue do all kind of activities, writing, playing senior recital piano and cello, playing volley ball and snow boarding which broke his collar bone in March. So how is it possible that he has hand fracture on his right thumb and still have so many activities without knowing? Only thing he complained was he couldn’t set the volley ball in the air because he felt hurt. He is not happy about us so ignorance. What should I say?</p>

<p>Need advice? He needs the surgery and cast for 6 weeks and can’t use hand for writing. Doctor recommend him done during the break. During the school he needs to write and play cello for the class.</p>

<p>I know that DS and I have accomplished a lot since last year. We argued, played and joyed together. We planed and worked hard to reach the point he found the perfect match school that he could study and play the same time for next wonderful four years. As yesterday he informed me that he didn’t go for try out. I was chocked</p>

<p>I know he is doing the right thing. I just could not swallow that he even had “try to”. The roster list was out today. There were 10 freshmen players on the list. There were total 30 players on the list and 6 were cut. </p>

<p>I post info here because I know there are a lot of very dedicated parents who try to help student athletic and also can understand the effort we put into it for son/daughter. I am lost. DS is really walking away from me and has his independent thinking. My soccer boy is gone forever. Now he is a young man who tries to fly freely.</p>

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<p>SoccerDad,</p>

<p>It sounds like your son is going through adjustments and taking some of his anxieties out on you. Hang in there! I feel like a punching bag myself these days and my daughter is still in high school.</p>

<p>As for the hand, of course I would get a second opinion before proceeding with any surgery. If he needs the surgery, have it done on the break as you said.</p>

<p>How does he feel about not going out for soccer? If he is not feeling badly about it, then you will have to learn to feel OK with it too. Good luck with the whole situation!</p>

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<p>I stood up on the pitch and looked around, beautiful green and lighted fields(18). Weather was nice had morning breeze. There were parents standing beside the sideline and screaming, sibling playing on the ground or chasing each other, players dribbling or running after the ball. That was the scene I was familiar with the last 10 years. This morning I went to the first season game without DS to deliver his jersey to someone for his old team. There were 7 or 8 player left still playing U18/19. People were shocked hearing DS was not playing at the college.</p>

<p>Looked through the stuff he left behind last night when I searched for jersey. Different size of cheats, shin guards, shorts, tops, winter gadgets, trophies, tournament souvenirs and balls were laying there. I realized that this was just beginning of change for his life and my life. Senior recital was mark of ending youth music career. This was a good ending and a nice put ‘.’ period in his life because many people just quit playing and went on other thing. In May the last tournament he walked out of the field. He exclaimed that “it is so much fun to play around ball again” that was the first time he played with his club team since the season game ended in last November. I thought college could be the mark of ending soccer career that was I hoping for, even I have bought his college soccer team hat and was going to book the airline ticket to see him play. Now I can save money to my retirement fund.</p>

<p>I am looking forward to my gran kids playing soccer if… This time will be more than one if one fail then the other one will pick up the load and I will stand/sit there screaming again like many years ago. Got the picture?</p>

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<p>“I realized that this was just beginning of change for his life and my life.” You’re right, Soccerdad. It’s hard to let go of the parts of your shared life that you really loved. Right now you’re probably really feeling those losses, but there will be great parts of your life with your S to come - they’re just not so obvious yet. Hang in there and look for the new opportunities to come!</p>

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<p>Back from parent week. This is the first time since we drop DS off for move in day.</p>

<p>We are happy to see him and at the meantime we not happy that he tries to show how independent he is sometime overboard.</p>

<p>During social event party we met the soccer coach. Actually he did not know me but since I put my soccer hat on he was politely to start the conversation with me. During the conversation I did solve my my puzzle why DS was suddenly out of his radar last year this time.</p>

<p>During the party He encouraged DS coming out for try out next year Spring training.</p>

<p>DS is a little disappointed for the music program, however he manage the best out of it. DS formed the group playing Jazz for some school events and got paid for it. DS doesn’t drink and doesn’t like party but He is enable to find enough people like him and hanging out with which is good.</p>

<p>We asked if he is happy there and we are willing to support his decision if he decide to go somewhere but he ensure us that he is happy and ask us to save money for MD school in the future so we stay put.</p>

<p>Generally speaking there are many talented kid there and away different from his public high school. I jointed one CS class without DS and tried to reconnect the past and present also tried to see how well present students and professor. To my surprised there were two students and one professor in this 300 level class. I sat there all 50 minutes and wondered how lucky DS has this kind of education. How unforture I was when I was his age. At the same time I felt how luck I was I did not have to compete to the whole world as today’s graduated.</p>

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<p>Sounds like he is doing well, soccerdad…you will get used to having him there soon! And glad you got to wear your soccer hat to a party, too!</p>