<p>Great thank you!
Bumping it up in case anyone else has opinion/advice. I want to make sure this time my essay is truly effective.</p>
<p>it would be great if the first sentence referred to you in some way, not only to the people of france. Even if only to throw in that you consider that country your homeland.</p>
<p>. . . perhaps begin</p>
<p>“I was a part of the student protests for educational and political change in France in 2010 [or whenever]. . . .” then follow with the rest.</p>
<p>Thank you for the continuous help with my essay leslier I truly appreciate it!</p>
<p>You’re right, that makes sense, how about I have this as my first sentence : “I was a part of the student protests for educational and political change in France from early 2009 to mid 2010.” and then all the rest.</p>
<p>I like your new first sentence, but I would delete the following sentence:</p>
<p>“These people engage in protests, and there is nothing quite like a french protest.” (If not, you definitely want to capitalize French.)</p>
<p>Okay, are you thinking I should delete it because it is basically repetitive?</p>
<p>I’m probably going to be sending in this essay tonight or tomorrow, hopefully admissions will like it!</p>