emory essay URGENT!!!!! PLEASE HELP!!!

College Essays
1

<p>Please tell me what you think. especially with the conclusion because I feel it is way too brief. I used exactly 250 words, which is this limit. </p>

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<p>TOPIC</p>

<p>Many students decide to apply to Emory College based on our size, location, reputation, and yes, the weather. Besides these valid reasons for making Emory College a possible college choice, why is Emory College a particularly good match for you?</p>

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<pre><code>After spending countless amounts of hours researching schools to possibly transfer to, I found myself looking at the profile of Emory University in awe. Right from the start, I discovered the variety of cultural and religious clubs at Emory University. I found this feature very attractive because I truly love being part of a community where diversity is incorporated and emphasized. By being around students of all different kinds, I can envision myself becoming more educated and tolerant towards different lifestyles, beliefs, cultures, and religions.
I was also pleased to discover the variety of business clubs that Emory has to offer. This aspect of Emory really caught my attention because by partaking in these clubs and organizations, I will have an opportunity to not only surround myself with business-oriented students, but also become involved in the Emory community.
In addition to the business clubs, I also came across the wide variety of finance electives which are offered at Emory. What attracted me to this feature was the opportunity to further my knowledge in the fields of business and finance tremendously. I made it my goal to become a successful businessman when I graduated high school, and by attending Emory University, I can see myself taking a giant leap in becoming that businessman.
Altogether, Emory can offer me a chance to become involved in the community, further my academic and diversity knowledge, and most importantly, reach my life goal. With an opportunity like that, I would be crazy not to apply.
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2

<p>please?? bump</p>

3

<p>Some sentences are quite long. Try shortening them.</p>

4

<p>I think you need to be more specific. I also think that picking out a club or specific, unique facet of their community and then flipping it around and saying how YOU will contribute to THEM might also be to your benefit. 250 words is short but i think you should try and hit on more than just one topic.</p>

<p>given that it’s short, i would cut your setup sentences shorter when you’re going into a thought/paragraph.</p>

<p>best of luck</p>

5

<p>If you can replace “Emory” with any other college’s name, then it’s a bad transfer essay.</p>

<p>BTW:
Becoming more tolerant -> implies you are not tolerant right now.
Partake in clubs -> you “partake” in activities, not clubs</p>

6

<p>You can write countless hours instead of countless amounts of hours. Didn’t bother reading the rest of the essay lol.</p>

7

<p>Although you have hit the word limit, it still seems, as you put it, “short” because as a whole it is very redundant.</p>