<p>The only way I cope with depression is coping by myself or just hang out with my friends if things get to hairy. There are times when I have thoughts of suicidal but really...... there is more about life waiting for me than ending it shortly. </p>
<p>As long you support them and follow the example of what jespere just post, they should be fine and have a better life later on ^^. At least they got you as a friend right?</p>
<p>Well, my Asian sister confides in her father about everything. They literally talk for three hours a day. Granted, the discourse is mostly about grad school and other such academic nonsense.</p>
<p>I used to confide in my parents a lot, but then they stopped understanding me:</p>
<p>"aaaaagh, my chaotic barbarian just got instakilled by a giant eel!"
"psht. go do something useful with your life."</p>
<p>-_-</p>
<p>A lot of asians are pressured to be the best of the best during school by their parents. It's based on culture. Some kids can deal with it. Others cannot. I won't say that every asian kid is like this, but there are indeed enough so that these aren't isolated incidents. Asian parents can indeed go too far, and that disgusts me. </p>
<p>My parents used to be very hard on me to do well in school. Now, they kinda backed off. But I can imagine some kids cannot handle the pressure. Asian parents constantly make their kids study to become the best. Obviously, not all Asian kids can become that. You always hear stories about Asians who worked their asses off in high school, and they pretty much crack and party like crazy when they get to college. </p>
<p>Although I do not know many kids who have emotional problems, I can completely understand the possibility of this happening.</p>
<p>dont worry, explode, sometimes i totally feel that way too, even if i am asian american myself. </p>
<p>i'm really lucky to have a mom, who though does expect me to get great grades because as she puts it, i'm "perfectly capable", but always encourages me to explore my own interests, and never forces me to participate in an ET/class i don't want to take. </p>
<p>however, i do know a great deal of asian american kids whose parents are terrifically strict about their grades, etc. my aunt pretty much controls her kids' lives. and while my cousin is a bubbly, popular, well-dressed girl, sometimes i feel like she does have lower self-esteem than i do, as a result of her mother always putting her down.</p>
<p>but i also know many loose, easygoing, socially competent asian kids, too.</p>
<p>so u should understand that it has nothing to do with genetics, etc. many asian-american families in the U.S. are only second/third generation, and as a result, tend to be hardworking and pressure their kids to do the same. you could also say something similar about ANY race nowadays in our hyper-overachieving society.</p>
<p>I'm asian and I don't talk to my parents because all they care about is money and reputation. My dad tells me about how his family want money from him. My mom gossips with her friends. The only thing that my mom talks to me about is how smart, pretty, skinny other people are. My parents expect me to get into a good college with out any help or understanding from them. I guess I will have to wait two more years and then I'll be in college, away from my crazy parents.</p>
<p>Sorry to get a bit off topic here, but I was just wondering something. I'm terribly sorry if this sounds ignorant or whatever, but I've noticed that not many Asian married couples ever get divorced. I dunno maybe it's just me, but why is that?</p>
<p>Because it is not "honorable." In Asian culture, getting a divorce is an embarrassment to your family. And when children are involved, they become the number 1 priority, so they pretty much have to stay married, for the kid's sake.</p>
<p>yeah, i agree w/ what Metorain said.
... I didn't think it had anything to do with genetics.. I know some third generation kids and they're just like any other kid.
haha! I know a lot of my (asian) friend's moms talk to them about being pretty and skinny too. And the gossip... that's definitely there. My mom's friends always have to compare their kids. ("what did she get on the SATs? see, she'll get into Harvard. I don't think you even stand a chance.")</p>
<p>Lets just be all happy when we get into college and our parental issues are solved for good. If you guys have great parents that supports you a lot(not in the negative way), then I salute to your parents.</p>
<p>While there are some, there are very few gothic asians while most goths are stupid white kids. I'm glad goths dont exist in elite colleges but elite colleges know that they're a bunch of freaks</p>
<p>My parents don't really care whether I go to Harvard or not. Maybe its because I'm Christian but they told me many many times that I should be self-motivated to do well and serve God better. They gave me the "Harvard talk" but it wasn't as serious as some of the other non-Christian asian parents (no offense). They honestly told me that as long as I'm happy and am serving God to the ** best of my ability **, they don't care if I go to Community College (of course they EXPECT a lot more of my ability but w/e).</p>
<p>Mainly, they told me that while it would be nice to go to Harvard, you don't need a good degree to change the world ( exact words - in Korean of course ^^' ). Using the anecdote of my father having HYSC doctors working under him as post-docs, despite being a non-ivy graduate, the "Harvard Talk" is not really emphasized in our family. Happiness and Religion prevail! </p>
<p>Generally, the people in my family (who are all taught by this method) are all pretty well off. I have a couple cousins in i-banking and business (that donate 70% of their income to churches and such), medicine (two cheifs of medicine and a bunch of medical professors), and law (couple high ranking prosecutors in Korea). They were all self-motivated (no forced SAT classes, no locked in study sessions etc.) and none of them had any emotional problems. And last time I checked, we're all pretty happy with our lives. Heehee.</p>
<p>I guess it all boils down to the parenting style and what your family believes.</p>
<p>I don't think you can accredit your faith as the reason why your parents aren't as die hard strict as others. The craziest asian parent I know is heavily involved in his Church, and his daughter is the most religious person i know. Yet, he still does the whole nine yards: Gossiping, bragging, etc. etc.</p>
<p>hmmm...</p>
<p>Then, maybe it's because my family was "americanized" at an early on (1950s as opposed to the "regular" 1980s and 1990s), breaking themselves apart from the "evils" of traditional collectivist cultures. =D</p>
<p>Asian parents tend to be helicopter parents who gossip with each other about who got into harvard or go on online forums where parents with insatiable pride post their children's success stories. Thats why I try to keep my life as far from them as possible</p>
<p>When I was a child my father would come home from MIT every day and tell me, "that's where you're going when you're older." When my friend was a child her parents drove by Harvard every day and said, "Look, that's Haaaarrrvard."</p>
<p>Last year after visiting a slew of colleges in California, including Stanford, Cal, and Caltech, I told my mom I wanted to go to a small school, with a veritable English and Social Sciences department, which effectively ruled out schools like the Ivies, and schools like Caltech. And she said, okay.</p>
<p>Of course, we still ended up visiting schools like Williams and Amherst, but we also toured some other less prestigious small schools. (By less prestigious I mean schools like Wesleyan and Wellesley, which are still up there) I told her I didn't like Amherst and I liked the other schools better, and she was fine with that. So even though she referred to Wellesley as a safety for me, and still talks using Harvard as a gold standard, telling me about the essays of kids who got in there, we've achieved some middle ground. Even stereotypical asian parents have other depths.</p>
<p>I’m really surprised at the number of Asians on this board who say they have an open, honest, and emotional relationship with their parents. I definitely do not, and most of my Asian friends are similarly distant from their parents. The asian culture really is one of restraint and emphasis on academic success where I live.</p>
<p>As a Korean-American, and I’m proud. I have a neutral relationship with my dad,and I’m actually closer to my mom. Sure, we do talk a lot about school related things, but that’s because that’s my first priority right now. She just wants her children to be happy while still pushing us to have the best possible future (but definitely not with a bamboo stick… I don’t EVER recall being hit or abused in any other way as a child).</p>
<p>About the low self-esteem thing… I do have low self-esteem (as those “How’s Your Mental Health?” quizzes in health have repeatedly told me), but in my head when I listed all the reasons WHY I have low esteem, there were no “Asian” reasons. And ironically I am outgoing. you’d think that low self-esteem and being self-conscious would make one scared to approach people, right?</p>
<p>Well I have low-self esteem and an awful relationship with my parents, but I don’t think being Asian was necessarily the defining point. I’ve got low-self esteem because I’m currently attending my 10th school (and none of them for more than 3 years in a row) and the awful relationship is due to the language and generational barrier. I don’t have the Chinese skills to effectively communicate my feelings and they don’t have the English skills to understand me. We drifted apart over the years.</p>
<p>And re: Harvard, my parents drilled the whole you’re-not-successful-unless-you’re-#1 thing into me in elementary school and dropped it in middle school but it’s still sticking with me even though my mother now claims that her only goal with me is for me to be happy.</p>
<p>Aaand I think I just saved myself a few bucks on therapy.</p>
<p>teaspo0n reflects my problems with my own parents quite effectively.</p>
<p>For example: I’m SCEAing to Yale, 100%. I’ve told my mom this several times.
So every day, my mom comes up to me and says, “I just want you to be happy. ED to UPenn/Dartmouth/Columbia/Princeton (lol) and be happy already.”</p>
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<p>I’d be pretty damn happy too if my family had that much money. :P</p>