essay about siginificant/influential figure...please help!

<p>I wrote about my teacher at an academic summer camp
it's still a draft but I REALLY need help making it flow and conveying what I'm trying to say-well, you see, my first 2 years of high school were pretty bad in terms of my dedication and focus (and grades, slightly), but i completely changed after this camp (and it is evident in my grades), in any case, would someone care to not only read it, but critique it extensively? I feel the essay is the make/break factor for me in all of my applications...
thank you so much everyone!</p>

<p>bumppppppp</p>

<p>some1 help plz, its a pretty short read</p>

<p>ok sure :</p>