essay advice?

<p>So I have finally started to think about what I should write about for the common app essay. My idea right now is to talk about when I went to Pakistan. Pakistan is a dilapidated country and I was really changed by it. I would also tie this in with the volunteer work I did there with orphans. How does this sound? Is it cliched? Thanks!</p>

<p>On the one hand, the “I went to a poor country and realized how fortunate I am” essay is cliched. On the other hand, your description of your experience in Pakistan can be compelling if 1) you focus on what, exactly, you did (instead of where you did it) and 2) you relate that description to a larger theme. I am not sure which prompt you are answering, but an example of a larger theme that could work for you is community service, especially if you pursued community service activities before and after your trip. I know these comments are broad, but I hope they help.
JP</p>

<p>yeah, I am writing about how it changed me into giving back to society. Ever since then, I have volunteered a ton and that was the main point of the essay. Oh and that essay is propmt #1 on an experience that has changed you</p>

<p>To be honest, the essay has a weak start, and has quiet a bit of gramatical errors.</p>

<p>how did u read it?</p>