Essay Critique anyone?

<p>I was just wondering if anyone would help me out by critiquing my CommonApp essay. I am really looking for some help because i know that the essay will either make me or break me</p>

<p>If you want to help me out just pm and ill send you the draft.</p>

<p>Thanks alot.</p>

<p>Glad to help if you can be patient.</p>