Essay for College Admission

College Essays
1

<p>Hi,</p>

<p>Have a question about the essay that my daughter will have to write for her admission to college for Fall 2014.</p>

<p>I hear that there are two essay topics for UC schools: "What is your accomplishment, quality or talent" and "Describe the World you come from".</p>

<p>My question is if my daughter has had health issues (surgery and issues that arose before and after surgery) because of which her GPA has been affected in both Sophomore and Junior years, would she have to write about this in one of the above two essays or would she be writing another essay explaining what happened in her High school years or would there be some comments section in her application process?</p>

<p>My advice to her was to explain her health issues in the 'Achievement' essay but her argument is that it would come out as she is asking for Sympathy but we as a family know what she has put herself through to achieve what she has got so far and so I want to make sure that she makes it known to the admissions decision group. Since she is our first child attending undergrad school in US, we are kind of clueless regarding what needs to be written and what should not be written.
I would appreciate if somebody can tell me what is the best thing for her to do.
And is there anyway, she can get her essays proof read for the contents to indicate whether her essay sounds sympathetic? Are the commercially available essay editors helpful for this and if so, which ones?</p>

<p>I would really really appreciate all the advice we can get for her to write essays.</p>

<p>Also, I have the same questions as above for non-UC schools as well.</p>

<p>FYI: here are her stats and her focus is to specialize in Psychology.</p>

<p>Completed Junior year in 2013.
SAT: 2180 (WR:800, CR:750: M:630)
UC Recalculated GPA: 3.6
Weighted GPA: 3.9
Honors classes: 3
AP Classes: 6 (Completed: WH:3, ENGLANG:3, BIO:3, USH:4, PSYC:5)
and she is planning to take 4/5 more AP classes in Senior year.
Volunteering: Spinal Clinic and Homeless Feeding.</p>

<p>Thank you and look forward to hearing from you.</p>

<p>--RS</p>

2

<p>She could write the “describe the world you come from”, with the health issues being her world.</p>

<p>Ideally, she could write how she grew as a person because of the challenges (overcame the obstacles). Maybe tie in something from earlier in her life or the home/community environment (more of the “world”). It is better to make it an inspiring story, not a sympathy one.</p>

<p>If not, there is usually a place to write about “other” or “anything else you would like us to know”. If not, they usually are happy to accept short essays that explain difficult life events that affect grades.</p>

3

<p>I have no experience with this application, but…</p>

<p>Is her guidance counselor or a favorite teacher aware of her struggles? Usually, it’s preferable to have an adult explain the issues. That way, the college is aware of them, but (a)your daughter doesn’t come across as a “whiner,” and (b) she can use the other parts of her application to tell the positive things about herself.</p>

4

<p>Your daughter is correct. She should answer the achievement question WITHOUT bringing up the health issues. Your daughter’s guidance counselor should address the health issues in the Secondary School Report (SSR). When school starts up again, I would call her GC to make sure this issue is mentioned, as the college will want some sort of documentation from the school anyway. See Page 2: <a href=“https://www.commonapp.org/CommonApp/Docs/DownloadForms/2013/2013SchoolReport_download.pdf[/url]”>https://www.commonapp.org/CommonApp/Docs/DownloadForms/2013/2013SchoolReport_download.pdf&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Although your daughter has different issues, for an example of what a GC could say, see: <a href=“http://mitadmissions.org/apply/prepare/writingrecs[/url]”>http://mitadmissions.org/apply/prepare/writingrecs&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>

</p>

5

<p>Thank you for the response. I will talk to the HS GC like you suggest – she in fact knows all the details of my daughter. The only hitch is that she is now on Maternity leave until Nov 1.</p>

<p>My other questions is: my daughter has written already an essay for the topic ‘the world you come from’ and she is talking about how disability is handled in some South Asian communities and how she had to always hide things that she was supposed to do medically to keep herself healthy. Many times, when we used to go relatives homes, we all used to be very secretive about what she had to go through – thats mainly because none of our community (we too got to learn because of our daughter) knew what it means to have a congenital spinal cord issue because of which come the associated bladder and bowel problems. And because of our numerous hospital visits, we have totally changed our outlook on diseases/ailments but she felt that our extended family or community still is not aware and so she has brought about those ideas of hers in that essay. </p>

<p>Now, her worry is that if she sends out that essay to indicate the world that she is actually coming from, would it come out as she is thrashing out at her heritage ?
And she is scared that might have a negative impact on her chances?
She has not let me read the essay still but she has been expressing apprehensions about her essay content and hence I wanted to ask experienced folks here on your opinions.</p>

<p>Thank you</p>

<p>–RS</p>

6

<p>It all depends on the content – what your daughter wrote, how she phrased it, and the “tone” of the essay.</p>

<p>If your daughter is scared that her essay might have a negative impact on her chances, then she needs to let a responsible adult read her essay. If not you, then she should show her essay to one of her teacher’s who is writing her recommendation letters and ask for them for their opinion.</p>