<p>Have a question about the essay that my daughter will have to write for her admission to college for Fall 2014.</p>
<p>I hear that there are two essay topics for UC schools: "What is your accomplishment, quality or talent" and "Describe the World you come from".</p>
<p>My question is if my daughter has had health issues (surgery and issues that arose before and after surgery) because of which her GPA has been affected in both Sophomore and Junior years, would she have to write about this in one of the above two essays or would she be writing another essay explaining what happened in her High school years or would there be some comments section in her application process?</p>
<p>My advice to her was to explain her health issues in the 'Achievement' essay but her argument is that it would come out as she is asking for Sympathy but we as a family know what she has put herself through to achieve what she has got so far and so I want to make sure that she makes it known to the admissions decision group. Since she is our first child attending undergrad school in US, we are kind of clueless regarding what needs to be written and what should not be written.
I would appreciate if somebody can tell me what is the best thing for her to do.
And is there anyway, she can get her essays proof read for the contents to indicate whether her essay sounds sympathetic? Are the commercially available essay editors helpful for this and if so, which ones?</p>
<p>I would really really appreciate all the advice we can get for her to write essays.</p>
<p>Also, I have the same questions as above for non-UC schools as well.</p>
<p>FYI: here are her stats and her focus is to specialize in Psychology.</p>
<p>Completed Junior year in 2013.
SAT: 2180 (WR:800, CR:750: M:630)
UC Recalculated GPA: 3.6
Weighted GPA: 3.9
Honors classes: 3
AP Classes: 6 (Completed: WH:3, ENGLANG:3, BIO:3, USH:4, PSYC:5)
and she is planning to take 4/5 more AP classes in Senior year.
Volunteering: Spinal Clinic and Homeless Feeding.</p>
<p>Thank you and look forward to hearing from you.</p>
<p>My usual recommendation for circumstances beyond the student’s control that affect grades is to have the HS GC address these issues. I think that having a third party discuss the situation is more objective and there is less of an impression that you’re trying to play the ‘sympathy card’ or make excuses. </p>
<p>That doesn’t mean she can’t talk about how she’s dealt with these challenges in her essay, but it should address other aspects, not impacts on her grades. I tend to like the essays to be about something that hasn’t been covered elsewhere in the application, so that the adcoms can get as full a picture as possible about the candidate in the small space available.</p>
<p>There are plenty of essay services available, but use them at your own risk. Individual businesses will not be named here as it is a violation of CCs Terms of Service, we work hard at preventing commercial admissions/test prep/essay/etc. services from using this as an advertising opportunity. The first place to check is your HS GC, they usually help with admissions essays. You can also seek help on the Essay forum here on CC; check out the forum and see how people do it, as it’s not recommended that you post essays on open forums.</p>
<p>Thank you for the response. I will talk to the HS GC like you suggest – she in fact knows all the details of my daughter. The only hitch is that she is now on Maternity leave until Nov 1.</p>
<p>My other questions is: my daughter has written already an essay for the topic ‘the world you come from’ and she is talking about how disability is handled in some South Asian communities and how she had to always hide things that she was supposed to do medically to keep herself healthy. Many times, when we used to go relatives homes, we all used to be very secretive about what she had to go through – thats mainly because none of our community (we too got to learn because of our daughter) knew what it means to have a congenital spinal cord issue because of which come the associated bladder and bowel problems. And because of our numerous hospital visits, we have totally changed our outlook on diseases/ailments but she felt that our extended family or community still is not aware and so she has brought about those ideas of hers in that essay. </p>
<p>Now, her worry is that if she sends out that essay to indicate the world that she is actually coming from, would it come out as she is thrashing out at her heritage ?
And she is scared that might have a negative impact on her chances?
She has not let me read the essay still but she has been expressing apprehensions about her essay content and hence I wanted to ask experienced folks here on your opinions.</p>
<p>It sounds like an appropriate essay topic that fits the prompt very well and is central to her experience. There are ways to write that are reporting a story from a personal viewpoint and experience, then there are ways that are trashing. It depends on which tactic she takes. There is no taboo of being critical of social attitudes that are wrongheaded.</p>
<p>I don’t remember the UC application since the time has passed since my daughter applied, but usually applications have an ‘additional information’ where she can briefly report a major health issue to deal with, which they should know about. And she can report that she was not always able to attend class because of it which made managing schoolwork difficult. Avoid saying how great her grades would have been if she didn’t have this issue.</p>
<p>Then let her decide what essay topics to pick. You’d never want an explanation of grades to be a central part of an essay. In the essays you want to show what kind of person and thinker you are, and use that time to highlight your strengths.</p>
<p>It is too bad her GC is gone during the critical period of college applications. Maybe there is an English teacher who will read it. Certainly she should share it with an adult reader before sending it. I can see she might feel hesitant to share with you as she may feel it is personal or she may not want you to be overbearing and insistent about what you think is the right way or better way to approach it. However, there is going to far and making something inappropriately personal for this exercise. It isn’t a diary entry, it’s an application for college.</p>
<p>Skim through the essay section of this forum and you will see many kids working on and fretting over their essays. I don’t know how much help they get when they ask for readers, but I read some and try to give general feedback on content, appropriateness, pointing out use of cliche and I think it helps some a bit. Mostly I encourage editing and focusing.</p>
<p>@BrownParent: Very nicely written response. Thank you so much for your views and inputs.
I will share all your ideas with her. It is awesome to have a forum like this for first-time-undergrad parents like us :)</p>