<p>Could someone provide me feedback about my statement for the common app:</p>
<p>Im hesitant to discuss my grades in high schoolI dont want to make excuses for myself; however, I feel that the circumstances of my past had a significant influence on my behavior. I had difficulty overcoming family issues while I was in high school. When I was eleven, my father attempted suicide, and my mother entered a mental hospital and was diagnosed with paranoid schizophreniathe worst year of my life. Shortly following these events, my parents separated, and I was left to live alone with my mentally ill mother. Confused and frustrated by my situation, instead of focusing on academics, I channeled all of my energy into music and art to escape my home life. Since graduating high school, I have dealt with my past, am extremely focused on my academics, and am determined to succeed on my path to becoming a physician.</p>
<p>First of all, is this an “additional information” essay, or are you intending to use it as a required or supplemental essay? You shouldn’t use it as one of the main essays, but I think that it’s important enough to share on the additional info spot.
As far as critiquing the statement, it is really well written. I think it would be good if you added more on what you have done since that time- how did you deal with your past? What have you done to ensure your success as a physician? I know that you can be on a word crunch, though, so if you have no more space, I believe you could leave it as is. :)</p>
<p>Hey thanks so much for the feedback. I really appreciate it. This is for the additional information section. I actually just edited it. Let me know what you think.</p>
<pre><code>I am hesitant to discuss my grades from high school, as I do not care to make excuses for myself. However, I feel that the circumstances of my past had a significant influence on my performance at the time. When I was eleven, my father attempted suicide and my mother was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia—the worst year of my life. Shortly following these events, my parents separated, and I was left to live alone with my mentally ill mother. Confused and frustrated by my situation at home, I channeled my energy into music and art instead of academics. Since graduating high school, though, I have a renewed focus on my scholarly pursuits and am determined to succeed.
</code></pre>
<p>What’s your overall GPA? If it’s not TERRIBLE then you might stand a chance because of your story. Really milk your story. Talk about overcoming adversity and all of your musical and artistic achievements. Volunteer at a physician’s clinic to get first hand experience. 20 hours a week would be good to put on an application to college.</p>
<p>Best of luck,
-orangesrule108</p>
<p>I graduated high school about 10 years ago. I’m at a community college and am almost done with my Associate in Science degree. After this semester, I have one more class in the summer. I had a 2.0 in high school, and I have a 4.0 in college and am graduating from the honors program. I do not work at a clinic, but I’m a hospice care volunteer. I plan to work at a clinic over the summer. The rest of my application goes into detail about what I’ve done since high school.</p>
<p>I have difficulty writing about that past and decided to not elaborate… I didn’t feel it was necessary, but maybe what I wrote is too objective.</p>