<p>Home sweet home, Wellesley sweet Wellesley! You step onto its threshold and are welcomed by numerous inquisitive eyes of potentially close and distant relatives. As you start getting to know them, your Big Sister stands up and takes you under her wing. As she gives you flowers, you know that shell watch over you for as long as shes here and hopefully even after. First day of classes, youre anxious with anticipation, yet when you enter the room it all fades away. Professors like Mary Allen whove been teaching for decades now know just how to bring you out of your shell. They question your point of view, debate over your reasoning and urge you to design your own experiments. After a while you realize youre now part of quite a smart family, and it makes you swell with pride. However, all work and no play make life a bore. Hence there are plenty of opportunities to have fun, starting from tennis to debate, theres something for everyone. The one thing that everyone looks forward to the most though is the family-gatherings. Theres Step Singing, during which they all congregate and every generation clad in clothes of their respective class colours sing their hearts out. Then theres Hoop Rolling where the Big Sisters take a final stand as they race down Tupelo Lane for the title of the first to achieve success. As time flies by the Little Sisters themselves grow into Big Sisters. You learn how to be responsible not only for yourself but also for the new girl who now looks up to you as well.</p>
<p>This is my image of Wellesley, not just one of an intellectual community but one of a huge extended family. Its a humble home where lessons are learnt, bonds are forged and personal values are upheld. Its a place where I can evolve but not transmute, a place where my mind can wander but not lose track. Wellesley doesnt just seem like another college, it seems like a place where Id like to plant a tree as well and say, home sweet home.</p>
<p>I'm a little unsure about how good or bad it is and all...would really appreciate some criticism...thanx!!</p>
<p>First I have three things to make wordings less awkward:</p>
<p>"Hence there are plenty of opportunities to have fun, starting from tennis to debate, there’s something for everyone. The one thing that everyone looks forward to the most though is the family-gatherings."
Hence there are plenty of opportunities to have fun, from tennis to debate. There’s something for everyone, but the one thing that everyone looks forward to the most is the family-gatherings.</p>
<p>"It’s a humble home where lessons are learnt..."
It’s a humble home where lessons are learned...</p>
<p>"... it seems like a place where I’d like to plant a tree as well and say, home sweet home."
... it seems like a place where I’d like to plant a tree and say 'Home sweet home.</p>
<p>The second thing is a grammar thing, because I think the past participle of "to learn" is learned, not learnt, but I could be wrong. The first and third things are just because I found the wording a little bit awkward.</p>
<p>The essay itself is okay, but I worry about making so many statements about Wellesley. Obviously, you're just trying to show your point of view; trying to explain how you feel about Wellesley, but I wonder if the admissions office will like that you made so many statements that you don't necessarily know are true.</p>
<p>I love the second paragraph, though. It really shines through that you care about Wellesley and have thought about what it would do for you.</p>
<p>It's great that you're showing such an interest in Wellesley, but the thing is, the admissions office already know all of that. The first paragraph seems like it's an introduction to Wellesley for high school students who have never heard of the school. The admissions people, however, do know about the traditions, the professors, the community...but what they're really interested in learning about is YOU. After reading through the essay, I still have no clue what kind of a person you really are. </p>
<p>Try talking about yourself more, and then describe how you would fit in and what kind of contributions you would make to the school. Mention some of the clubs and activities that Wellesley offers or some courses that you're especially interested in. That allows the admissions people to discover your interests and talents, which is definitely a great aspect of your personality that your transcript and test scores don't show.</p>
<p>But I agree with telianathegreat, the second paragraph's beautiful.</p>
<p>purplesquiggles, you said exactly what I wanted to say but couldn't figure out. Thank you.</p>
<p>thanks alot!! i'm working on the 1st paragraph again now..:)</p>