I am a homeschooled rising senior. I’m trying to write as many admissions essays during the summer and had a few questions about overused essay topics and subjects to stay away from.
-I am African American. For my Common App essay, I picked prompt No. 1. I’ve written about my family’s overcoming slavery/civil rights and my struggles to fit in in my suburban environment. I love the essay, but do you think the topic overused? I want to emphasize being a URM (it’s a big part of my life), but should I avoid writing an essay about my family’s heritage if all the other minorities are?
-I’ve won 3 national awards for volunteering, and it is something I genuinely enjoy. I know better than to write the haggard “mission’s trip essay,” but I’ve added some aspects of how I’ve benefitted from serving as a teen attorney and working with inner city teenagers to a couple essays. I have read in several areas that any reference to volunteering is cliche should be avoided. My dilemma is that most colleges say that they like students who are “involved positively in their communities/ enjoy serving in the world.” Do you think I should remove any aspect of volunteering in an attempt to ‘stand out?’ How could I show my aptitude for being an involved leader without referencing volunteering.
-For the ‘why _____’ essays, which are the most overused examples? I’ve mentioned my desires to join each school’s respective speech&debate/mock trial teams and pursue advanced undergraduate research.
Thanks SO much for all your help- I appreciate any advice!
Remember, it’s not "an essay, " in the conventional sense. It’s for a college admit review. So ask yourself how your family’s overcoming slavery is relevant to what the college seeks, what it shows them about you, today and over the past 3 years.
And your "struggles " aren’t exactly it, either. Otoh, what about your triumphs in fitting in, being some bridge, or having some positive impact. See the difference?
Once you have some idea of the qualities Penn looks for, it’s easier.
And remember, it’s “show, not just tell.”
For the ‘why _____’ essays I think its important to tailor it to the school as much as possible. It’s best if you can reference a professor or particular research objective that is a focus of the school. If you have the opportunity to visit the school, try to reach out to people involved in your area of interest and then reference those discussions in your essay.
Make sure it’s about YOU and in your voice. Our school pretty much forbade essays about service trips and volunteering and several AOS counseled against “big game” and “first kiss” essays. Also avoid any thinly disguised as “I learned souch the one time I didn’t get an A.”
Perhaps, through your racial identity and your volunteer work, was a discovery of who you are or of something that is profoundly significant to you.
You may need to work through several essays and several iterations, but I think this is a critical component of the app because it is really the one place you have to tell your story. Don’t worry about what they want to hear. Focus on what you want to say. I also think that you can be pretty relaxed in how you interpret the prompts if it makes it easier to tell your story. If you think everyone else is writing something, it’s not unique enough to reflect the unique person you are.
Writing about volunteer work is perfectly fine, IF you get the point of this part of the app. (Any writing, in fact.)
In contrast, writing about how your vol work (or clubs or sports or some petty “passion”) makes you a savior is not. That would reflect poorly.
The narrative should speak for you, “show” what they need to see. Craft a nice tale that shows.
First I want to say from reading a couple of posts on your background and varied interests, you sound like a great candidate to become a Penn student!
DO NOT CHANGE OR DOWNPLAY any aspects of who you are in an attempt to stand out.
In fact the aspects that you mentioned -your extensive volunteering in your community in order to make an impact for inner city teens in the legal system is one of the things they will probably most be interested in. Penn has a program called Civic Scholars where selected students learn about the problems facing marginalized communities through pro-seminars, academically based service classes, dialog, volunteering, and research. Over four years they work to actively empower these communities. They have connections with inner city schools, legal aid groups and incarcerated women advocacy groups etc that students volunteer through. Your extensive experience sounds like you might be a great fit for this program. Please read on the website about this program and if it interests you include it in your Why Penn essay. Fill your Why Penn essay with what specific things like this at Penn interest you and how you see yourself partaking/why you think you’d be a good fit. Explain how the things that Penn offers fit in with your interests.
Also- absolutely use your essay about your family’s overcoming slavery/civil rights and your struggle to fit in your suburban environment! The black/ African American perspective and experience with systemic racism is a hot and valuable topic on campus right now. Penn needs/wants black voices to share their experiences to help shape conversations on race to empower future initiatives and leadership. They are looking for students who can articulate their experiences in their community. This is very important on Penn’s campus right now.
Were you or your parents restavecs? Did your family escaped the California fields or an El Salvador drug lord? If so, it’s okay to talk about escaping slavery and civil rights.
If you mean your grand parents or before, that’s not what the colleges want to know. They don’t want to know how what your grandparents did makes you so proud. They want to know what makes your grandparents so proud of YOU. Your family history can be mentioned in one sentence, but you could have terrific grandparents and awesome parents… That’s not who they’re admitting to their college.
Regarding volunteering of course include it, especially if it is important to who you arare.
Remember that the why essay isn’t just about the college. Penn wants to know whether you’re a good fit - in other words, can you identify some characteristics of the university in general and your chosen college in particular, and prove that you’re a great match because of what you’ve already proven you are or can do or have done?
^ yes. This is not a civic essay writing contest. How you choose what to write about will reflect what you understand about that college, what it values in applicants and how you match. And the level of your thinking.
I don’t know how kids can jump into writing app/supp essays before they know what the college values. The savvy try to understand this, first. Same for the Why Us. It’s not a rote naming of profs or programs. Nor what classes you’d take. It’s a chance to show your match- you to them and them to you, and again, the attributes.
And, “but I’ve added some aspects of how I’ve benefitted from serving as a teen attorney and working with inner city teenagers to a couple essays…”
That’s an example of “telling them.” You’re asking them to take you at your word. They want to see it through your narrative. “Show, not just tell.”
I am not suggesting anyone write a civics essay, BUT if your family and your experience relating to growing up black in America (with the racial and civil rights implications that you suggested) have helped shape you and your passions and led you to activities, then by all means write about it!
They want to know “the what” about you but they also want to know “the why”… why have you done what you have done, what drives you… what is your story? How do you relate to your community and what drives you to volunteer in that particular community?
For instance, you are home schooled. I really haven’t met very many home schooled black students to be honest. This seems kind of unique- Why did your family choose to home school?
I can totally see an essay that connects your family’s experience of racial inequities/civil rights to what has led you to where you are today. For instance, something like “the school to prison pipeline was alive and well in my suburban district which is why Ive been homeschooled since 5th grade. My parents had “the talk” with me when I was twelve. The talk that told me the police …”… “which is why I have been passionate about helping my inner city peers work towards justice in the legal system” .
Or say your background is that your grandparents were slaves and your dad is a civil rights attorney. You can write an essay like “Years of slavery in my family tree has ingrained in my family a passion for civil rights. My father has been a civil rights attorney for 25 years and my childhood was spent in the backroom of courthouses listening to him argue cases from housing discrimination to how a lack of bail is affecting African American communities …” “This experience has led me to know, even though I want to become a chemist, I will always have a passion for civil rights advocacy and activism.” “I have seen first hand as a teen attorney advocating for my fellow teens in the legal system…”
The point is to use your experiences of race and civil rights etc to show how its shaped you and your passions into who you are today. Tell a story, tell your story- don’t print a resume or civics lesson type essay goes without saying I think. .
When I used the word civic, I meant the sort of local essay contests from Rotary, etc. Not your comment on Civic Scholars.
Right now, we don’t know what OP did as a teen attorney, whether it means the local teen court many communities have, what impact she actually had. She needs to id the attributes Penn wants and show those through a nice tale.
Thanks SO much to everybody for your time! I didn’t expect to get this much advice and I’m really grateful for it. I’m not a natural writer so I find these essays pretty challenging.
@runswimyoga - I don’t know many other black homeschoolers either. I’m kind of hoping it’ll make me stand out 
. One reason (not the main reason) we chose homeschool is because it’s easier to raise proud, minority children. Not that we live in a racist school district or anything. And it can even be hard in homeschooling because none of our homeschool groups are diverse either. Penn asks all homeschoolers to write an additional essay telling them their reasons for homeschooling. Would it be redundant to say this there AND in my Common App Essay?
You gave me a great tie-in idea for my essay-my grandmother and her family were imprisoned for participating in a civil rights protest. And while my dad isn’t a civil rights attorney (unfortunately!), he was involved with a program in Philly to mentor young black urban boys without male role models.
@lookingforward -Teen court is conducted just like a regular adult court session. As a volunteer attorney, it is my job to represent or prosecute a teen who has committed a non violent misdemeanor. Most times, the teens are black. In lieu of jail time, I argue in front of a judge for a constructive penalty such as community service or mandatory school attendance. In exchange for participating in the program, the teenagers get a second chance at life without a criminal record or jail time. I get the satisfaction of lowering the minority teen incarceration rate for my city-one kid at a time.