<p>Of course, one may argue that constantly traveling around the world, trying to visit as many countries as possible – in other words, hitting country by country in a crazed frenzy – defines internationalism. This cannot be further from the truth.</p>
<p>I am the son of an Indian Foreign Service officer, and as a result, I have repeatedly traveled around the world. I have lived in Malaysia, China, the United Sates, India, Egypt, and South Africa. I have had the chance to experience such a wide array of traditions and beliefs that I rejected the notion that all men are the same a very long time ago. However, this is not enough to label me as an “international student.” What one must consider, instead, is the opportunity that has arisen from my international exposure – and my ability to seize it. </p>
<p>They say that South Africa is a melting pot for all African culture – I believe that my own melting pot is comprised not only of African culture, but of diverse cultures around the world. I have played the tablas with an Indian Ustad, drank Egyptian tea while sailing along the Nile in a felucca, and enjoyed traditional Zulu folk dancing. To claim that this does not represent a wide range of activities would be a mild understatement! My incorporation of these very different cultures into my own activities proves that I have not only been exposed to a variety of people, but that I have been able to treat those people with honor and tolerance – always adding to my melting pot.</p>
<p>It is through the presence of this quality that I consider myself an “international student.” An international student is not necessarily one that has toured the world – rather, an international student is one that has been able to consider a diverse array of traditions and beliefs with open-mindedness, and has then been able to integrate those facets of culture into his own. I will bring this melting pot wherever life takes me, and I am sure that I will always continue adding to it.</p>
<p>It's good, but if I were to suggest anything, it would be to find a way to open the essay with this: "I have played the tablas with an Indian Ustad, drank Egyptian tea while sailing along the Nile in a felucca, and enjoyed traditional Zulu folk dancing." </p>
<p>Opening that way is more likely to catch the attention of an admissions officer. </p>
<p>As for some mechanical suggestions:</p>
<p>Change drank to drunk. </p>
<p>"To claim that this does not represent a wide range of activities would be a mild understatement!" That sounds a little awkward to me. I'd change "does not represent" to "only represents," and "a mild understatement" to "quite an understatement." </p>
<p>Good luck with the essay and admissions process in general!</p>
<p>hey, does anyone know what to do with a guote that ends a sentence and ends in a guestion mark... like </p>
<p>"blah blah blah this is a question?". This is the next sentence
or "blah blah blah this is a question?"? This is the next sentence.
or "blah blah blah this is a question?" This is the next sentence</p>
<p>I liked your essay...it was good. But i think you have a wonderful opportunity to delve maybe a bit deeper into that internationalism...U DEF HAVE A HOOK (that is pretty cool that you had the opportunity to live in so many countries...jealous)</p>
<p>well, the only thing I would say is that parts of it are a little dry. You're trying to show the admissions committee what's special about you. Yes, you did live in many countries and yes, that is pretty damn cool. You've just gotta let your voice come through the piece. It sounds a bit analytical. And I agree with Tranorix, get their attention right off the bat.</p>