Essays (especially geared towards admitted students)

Colleges and Universities A-Z Brandeis University
1

<p>Oy…well, this is my first post here, so pardon my lack of knowledge of CC’s rules of the road. Let me preface by saying I -love- Brandeis. It is perfect for me in every single way. </p>

<p>I am having a huge dilemma with writing my common app essay though. I’ve written one which I am extremely proud of and two english teachers are in love with. However, I might be a bit risky in my approach–I use UPenn’s “submit page 215 in your autobiography” prompt because it was the easiest way to say what I wanted to. In my essay I used the year 2018, and I illustrated 3 events in my future life: working on a hired labour team in California, being a war correspondent in the middle east, and living on a commune. In each of these I describe my journey with, respectively, John Steinbeck, Ernest Hemingway, and Henry David Thoreau. But I conclude with my writing style, which is very similar to Jack Kerouac because he’s influenced me so much, talking about being on the road and being “finally free”.</p>

<p>And yes, I want to study creative writing and english and I can only wish to be published one day. But, I define myself by my interests and my dreams, not by my past experiences. My mother is on a holy crusade against my essay saying that the admissions people will take one look at it and say, “who is this girl?” and reject me.</p>

<p>This is why I really need some input by kids who’ve already been accepted/attended…do you think the premise of my essay is not acceptable for Brandeis? That it’ll just hit the bottom of the reject bin? I’m also really big into social activism and humanitarianism, but I planned on talking about that in the “expand on an extra curricular” mini essay and sending in a short supplemental “why 'Deis” essay.</p>

<p>just to give you a better picture (like, say I was debate champion with perfect SATs, my essay wouldn’t matter that much):</p>

<p>4.00/4.00 Unweighted GPA
31 ACTsuperscripted
6 APs total
3/266 in my class
multiple MVP, all sectionals, conference/regional champions, varsity captain in scholastic bowl
founding member of model un, 1 award for being Iran, vice president sophomore and senior years
founded, president, and urgent action coordinator of school chapter of amnesty international
organized/will organize various projects for activism, including Genocide Awareness Week fundraiser, Holocaust education, and running a mini Students Taking Action Now: Darfur (STAND) chapter
i do WYSE, and have won 2nd place regional in English and 3rd place in Physics</p>

<p>i have a huge private portfolio of creative writing (mostly poetry) some of which I was considering sending in as a supplement. i want to study creative writing and i think the mini portfolio might make the case for my essay?</p>

<p>i go to a rural public school surrounded by corn and no, I’m not Jewish.</p>

<p>i interviewed, went to an information session and tour on campus over the summer; i’m visiting again first week of november to sit in on a class, maybe talk with department people, have lunch/hang out with a student. </p>

<p>i want to apply ED and would appreciate any sort of input!</p>

2

<p>If you are bold and creative, you will be fine. </p>

<p>Might I suggest not posting details of your essay online.... I mean, just in case somebody tries to copy your idea~~~</p>

<p>If you have any personal questions about Brandeis or anything, PM me! I'm a freshman. I never visited campus and really only applied because someone suggested it. I'm very happy with my choice.. it exceeded my expectations.</p>

<p>Good luck~~</p>

3

<p>your essay sounds fine and wonderful. no school would reject you just because of your essay unless perhaps if it were littered with spelling/grammatical mistakes or disturbing on some level. </p>

<p>I think you are freaking out - you sound like a great applicant and to be honest, a bit of a shoe-in for Brandeis. so please stop worrying, and best of luck with your application!</p>

4

<p>I agree your chances at B are good-especially ED. You should rework your essay so it is not a direct response to the prompt about the autobiog. You could say something like here is the kind of future I would like to imagine for myself.....and then keep the essay as is....my D was accepted ED and did not write a conventional social justice-oriented essay--she tried to say honestly what defined her as an individual within her particular set of life experiences..</p>

5

<p>Once again... I am terrified of these people who seem to have much better stats than I do.</p>

<p>I too am applying ED.</p>

6

<p>Aw...I too am guilty of letting CC distort my grasp on reality--all these kids who've cured cancer and won the Nobel Price for Peace scare me so much...which is why I'm kind of panicked about admissions. It's bad, I know. </p>

<p>Anyway...pyewacket, I think your suggestion about changing my prompt/purpose was a really good one! My angle would be less literal and it would be more obvious what I'm trying to achieve, that my aspirations really define my personality.</p>

<p>and thanks guys. although writing is a constant process and editing is but a daily task, i'm keepin' my essay. i must say being told that you've a definite shot of getting into your dream school is a minor comfort. i just can't wait to (hopefully) go to 'Deis!</p>

7

<p>Did you get in hemingway? If so, we should be friends.</p>