I recently read somewhere: have your child pay you a small amount of rent (small as in something they can actually afford to pay you). Invest that money. When they are ready to move out, give it back to them for a down payment in their first house.
I thought it was pretty great.
I lived at home for six months between my college graduation and starting my job (I was a March grad). My dad charged me rent $50 a month back in 1972. I was working full time, and paid it. I also bought grocery items that were things I liked and wanted that no one else cared about. Pitched in with housekeeping etc.
When I moved out, my dad gave me all that money…for starting up my first apartment. He made me promise not to ever tell my three younger sisters. I never did…but when he died, this subject did come up and we all were asked the same thing!
Our kids lived at home for varying times after college. We gave them a pass on rent for a period of time…but did expect them to work, and be part of the fabric of the household. Having a job was non-negotiable. It was either that or going to school full time.
I don’t think it is unreasonable to set a timeline for kids to get themselves launched.
I lived at home after college for 2 or 3 or 4 years maybe. I had a job close to home and my (single) mom loved that I was home, and told me to stay there as long as I could and to save my money. No rent payments ever. We really had a great time together during those years, we had our own lives, but it was very nice.
We have told our kids they are always welcome. We would not charge rent, but that’s just us. One has been living on their own for a few years, but is starting a PhD in another city so we will welcome home whenever. The other is in college, and we love the time at home with us.
We have our oldest living at home with us now and our younger one is home from college for the summer.
We don’t charge rent and have no plans to. They both have jobs but the pay is not great. Our oldest has 2 cats and an anxious rescue dog to go along with our 2 cats. The impetus for them moving home was the rescue dog who turned out to not be suited for apartment life. We lost our family dog during the pandemic so it’s kind of nice having a dog around again. We have a big fenced in backyard. My husband is especially fond of the dog even though she has a lot of issues. We require that our kid take care of their animals.
We turned the basement (which was mainly laundry and a huge amount of storage) into an apartment for our oldest kid who did most of the work of painting and a fair amount of the fixing up. The rent on their old apartment was really eating up the paycheck so it just made sense to have them all move in.
We try hard to not be too parental. Every once in awhile I will come down on dirty dishes or things left around. My kids have been doing their own laundry since they were young teens. I do often cook for everyone or we’ll get take out for the whole family. But sometimes they want to do their own thing for food. I am happy to share groceries. Our oldest knows how good they’ve got it and is pretty grateful.
I think a solo conversation with child #1 is in order. Evidently we don’t know everything but living at home forever? For what reason? If your able to share.
All I can say is one child came back for a few months and now will be away internationally for 3 years. My daughter during the pandemic graduated but lived at home for almost a year. What a joy! She worked and we had her save her money. At one point she was out of here and living in Oregon working and working towards graduate school.Using said money. We don’t give her anything. She’s self sufficient. Wish she was back home. She did her own laundry since she’s an adult and why would she want us to do her laundry at this point? She’s a great cook and got stuff she wanted but always asked her what we could get for her. Never asked her to pay rent. It was more then a joy to have her around.
So I guess it depends on why and how long. Temporary till they get on their feet. No problem, how can I help you achieve that goal.
But, living home forever? No, I don’t need a roommate. Let’s figure a way to get you launched and work towards that goal. Oh and BTW - it’s my house. I don’t leave dishes and areas uncleaned all over the house.
My kids are always kinda good telling us when they would be home and where they are going, kinda. We live in a major city so it’s kinda how it goes anyway. Respect is key. Respect for me and my things. Can’t afford food? Great, I will teach you how to make dinner then.
We have an open door policy. I want my kids to know whatever happens in their life family is there for them. You have the key. Use it. Just kinda let me know so you don’t scare me…
We had our older one at home during COVID but finally told her it was time to go back home. Too much fighting over laundry and cooking because STAY OUT OF MY LAUNDRY ROOM AND KITCHEN. lol. I am one of those weirdos that really enjoys doing laundry/ cooking/cleaning up/household chores. She was willing to help but I just don’t want it ( you try having to write a 35 page brief on SEC rules and see how appealing the simplicity of emptying the dishwasher is). Seriously though we felt it was better for her to go back home. She ended up agreeing and it worked out well.
I want my kids to know they can come home, if they need to. We love having them home, but permanently? Umm. I don’t think so.
If they had a job and were just trying to save $$$ for something specific, I’d be ok without charging rent. No real ambition, I’d probably charge rent and save it while gently nudging them out the door, gifting it back when they did so.
I would likely insist on some type of job, or doing something productive in the community. They can’t just play video games and stay out all hours of the night. I’m big on plans. They would have to have one. But sort of funny, we had a midnight curfew for the kids growing up. We never insisted on it (or even asked) while they were in college, but both stuck to it themselves when they were home on breaks. We don’t stay up, but either wake up when they come in or see it on the ring doorbell later. My kids know what we like and tend do it without grumbling. We are lucky
Younger S stayed with a friends family last summer and will stay with GF’s family for a few months until they figure something out together. I made him offer (multiple times) to pay rent and also told them to give him their least favorite chores to do. Friend’s family declined. I’m not sure if GF’s family will or not. He can at least help buy groceries and mow the grass. And he is good about cleaning up after himself
My kids did chores growing up so even on school breaks they did their own laundry, cooked (they are better cooks than me), grocery shopped, cut grass, etc. I would certainly expect them to pitch in if they were to live at home. I am not a servant.
As for rent, it really depends. I would expect them to do something productive (school or a job). The rent (if any) would depend on what they were doing. Full time student or part time minimum wage job- no rent. But full time salaried position- yes (though I might set it aside and gift it back when they move out). My kids did not have student loans to pay down so they should contribute to household expenses.
D2 lived at home for 2 years while she was a paralegal at a DA’s office before she went off to law school. She paid rent to me ($1000/month), which I gifted her when she left home. We kept each other informed if we were go8ng to be home for meals. We let each know when we were coming come. We split our chores around the house.
Lots to think about here; thank you!
Kid #1 I am very cognizant that life in general is a bit of a struggle or this firstborn of mine, but… everything is a battle! It take a lot of prodding to get her to clean up after cooking; keeping her room clean etc… To me, she is struggling to find a place in life. She does work freelance, if and when jobs come in, however, the main source of income is from H’s business!!! Kid#2 recently had a very good job offer out of state, but has decided to come home instead. I do not worry for this kid’s future, and do not concern myself with him reintegrating into home life. He is not a passenger, and I know if I said ’ OK, you have to pay $200/mo towards your upkeep, I would not even have to say it - this kid would be right there with ‘mom, let me help out a bit’
For me, it is not about the $ with my kids, it is about responsibility and accountability. We can easily afford to have both kids living at home, however, it’s not just living at home - it’s the health insurance, the car insurance, the mobile phone, the internet etc etc. As I do not treat one differently over the other, I think both should start to understand what it take to run a home, and run a life! If you are paying a portion of expenses and utilities, perhaps you wont take 30 minute showers; perhaps you will switch off lights in your room when the midday sun is blinding everybody else. Perhaps when there are no clean cups, you might consider unstacking the dishwasher etc etc. Ramble, ramble, ramble…!
Anyway, I have very much enjoyed reading your responses, and certainly there is a lot of food for thought in each 
I guess the answer is different for each family situation and persons.
In our case, I know my daughter would not WANT to live at home – so if she ever had to, it was for an overriding need to do so.
Whenever she had been home from college, or during CoVid, she had done her own laundry, cooking, cleaning - so she knew how to be respectful based on how she was brought up. It didn’t have to be spelled/spelt out. She was an adult, so came and left whatever suited her - my wife would be sleeping way earlier anyway, but she would advise if she was planning to stay over somewhere - again just basic respect…
There would be no rent, because that would likely defeat the purpose of having to stay at home. Besides, what’s the point paying me now, just so that in 20-odd years, she can get it back after estate tax? If I managed without her rent for the first 22 years, and before she was born, I certainly can now with the mortgage long since paid off.
Again - I realize that’s because of our family situation and personalities - it’s not meant as a comment about anyone else needing to approach this differently.
What happened to we are all sad our kids go away.
Now you have the chance to get them back and don’t want them
If I said that, I misspoke!
Not you. Was a total thread response.
Mine is off to Utah. But it’s July 4 weekend and he’s in Cleveland for work. Coming for four days tonight b4 he goes back
He’s been gone 4 years for school but was home two of three summers. And was home for a month after school b4 he started work two weeks ago.
I’m jazzed for him to be back even for four days…
I lived home after being away for two years and floundering. Was home 3 years. No rent.
I remember saying to a co worker - it’s embarrassing.
She says when I’m 40 I’ll look back and say smartest thing I ever did.
But my note was to the board - not you.
Sorry.
I’d so love my kids to be here. Or near here. It’s not best for them I know. But best for me
I don’t think I read anyone saying they are locking the doors on their kids especially in circumstances like just graduating, a job change, a pandemic!!
I love my kids and I totally enjoy them as adults and love spending as much time as possible with them - in my home or theirs. But I am not looking for 20 or 30 somethings to come back to mama and let me again treat them like they are 12!
My recent college grad is home and I love it. He doesn’t need to be told to do things and he has taken over weed whacking and other yard maintenance. He helped my H put a draining system in the backyard and plant trees. He’s involved in all DIY projects. We spend a lot of time with our adult children, as I still do with my parents.
He’s working part time and working an unpaid internship. I expect he’ll be here a few more years and I’m 100% ok with it.
My kids have both lived at home from time to time. Both lived with us for about a year during covid while still paying rent at other places far away where their stuff was stored. Both helped around the house, and importantly with my frail mom, as well as doing grocery runs and buying food if nothing appealed to them.
We never charge them as they help us and they are already renting their places in other cities and honestly we don’t need any $$$ from them. In fact we financially support D because she continues to be medically disabled but is a delight to be with.
Well said! We had those same expectations too!
Thank you 
Our 27 y.o. daughter is living with us but hoping to be able to afford to move out by next summer. She’s had a lot of expenses in the past 2 years (education courses and knee surgery) and used up most of her regular, non-retirement savings. She has to build that up again before she can get an apartment. She really wanted to move out this summer – our house is too small for 3 adults to live comfortably-- but we all get along well, so it’s not bad.
We are retired now and live on a modest budget; we do not have the luxury of supporting her. So we figured out a way for her to pay her share of whatever she uses. The idea is that after she moves out, our spending will be much the same as it is now; our budget will still work. And she will have a pretty good idea of what her COL will be, apart from her apartment and related costs.
Whatever we spend each month on food and other shared consumables (detergent, paper goods and such), she reimburses us for 1/3 of it at the end of the month. If we all go out to eat, she pays 1/3 of the total. She also pays 1/6 of the electric bill and 1/6 of heating oil. (She uses hot water, I cook more when she is home, etc.) We don’t charge her for things that won’t cost any less after she leaves.
She also pays for her own phone plan, everything to do with her car, her clothes, health insurance / health care, and any other purely personal expenses.
Chores: She cleans her room and does her own laundry. If she uses dishes, she washes them, and unloads the dishwasher if she sees the cycle is done. She helps with snow removal and mowing. If we ask her to vacuum or take out trash or whatever, she does so without complaint, but does not initiate. I think she is not a natural homemaker. But then, neither am I!
I’d love for her to cook dinner occasionally, just so she’d become more adept at it, but she doesn’t volunteer. She will do it if I ask, but I don’t tend to ask; I have the time to cook and her schedule has been busy. I was similarly disinclined to cook at her age, and when I moved out I had to learn in a hurry! She will, too. I’ve gradually compiled my own little “Mom’s cookbook” with all her favorite foods that I make, so she won’t have to go hunting for recipes unless she wants to.