Skidmore is a wonderful place. Fingers crossed she falls in love and then problem solved.
And is it too late to appeal Smith?
That’s a tough one. I think that Smith would be a great place for her. But you have no one to depend on but yourself, financially. Can you reasonably expect to inherit anything to cushion your retirement savings? if not, and your retirement savings are already meager, then I don’t think you can afford to do it.
I don’t know how old you are, or how secure your job is, but we experienced a crushing change in employment which resulted in almost no retirement savings at all during 12 years of what should have been peak earnings time. In fact, we had to start drawing on the 401K early. (We’ve now stopped, thankfully.)
You never know what will happen. I think that Skidmore–or UMass Amherst–is “good enough.”
I would NOT advocate going to a lesser school just for a single major.
My job is secure, I’ve been there 25 years but I’m mid-50s with less than $50K in retirement but honestly, what I make there I can make anywhere. There will be no inheritances lol. My sole retirement portfolio consists of that $50K, whatever I can add to that in the next 10 years and after downsizing, probably $200K in liquid assets. Not much, but I’m not accustomed to much. I’ve been living off less than $50K (including child support) for my entire life, and sometimes much less than that. I have a solid credit score, have never had a problem getting loans but pretty adamant about not going into debt for college loans at this point.
@blossom ~ do you know anything about Skidmore’s science program? I’ve been trying to research but not coming up with much. I’m quite sure they offered her this great package because they are trying to get more science/math students there.
My concern is that the OP’s income with her current-husband is quite modest considering that their EFC is just around the Pell threshold. Guessing combined income is around $60k?ish?
It wouldn’t take much to cause a situation where even the basic EFC is unaffordable, much less more than that.
Since the bio dad has been the one saying that the DD deserves to go to an elite school, I would have him “show me the money” right now and put it in some sort of acct that is safely restricted for use for this DD.
@NEPatsGirl Can you clarify something? Is the biodad going to pay $10k per year PLUS child support while the DD is in college? If so, how much is ALL that?
If you are visiting Skidmore, isn’t that near Albany? Did your daughter apply to Suny Albany? From what I read on a forensics blog it is supposed to be highly ranked?
http://www.forensicscolleges.com/blog/resources/15-top-forensic-chemistry-programs
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I am angry and frustrated that he has had the ability to build his career to a point that he makes four times what I make (we made an agreement that I would be home for the bus everyday and not work nights).
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That is frustrating. Unfortunately, those sort of things get handled during divorce procedures (add’l spousal support), but if I remember correctly, you weren’t married to this person which limits your ability to have a fair outcome.
I would just laugh at his comments about your “borrowing power”. Borrowing isn’t the issue…it’s the ability to pay back those loans. Tell him that he has the assets that could be sold…the second car, an extra Harley, etc. Those would free up some credit. (or just tell him that you won’t have the borrowing power either after you buy yourself the new caddy that you’ve found.) 
That ought to shut his pie hole.
I’d actually prefer UMass to Smith, so you may discount my opinion, but I don’t think Smith is worth it. My daughter really liked the school, the fact that everything was included (like rafting trips), the music stage, but in the end didn’t like the social part and the students seemed angry. My family, also from Massachusetts, really pushed Smith (of course they weren’t paying) because of the name, the reputation but I could see when we visited that it was not the right school. Would she have been happy if she’d gone there? Yes, but not $72k per year happy, or any happier than where she is (free). My daughter is also unlikely to ever live in NE, so the Smith name doesn’t add much to her future. In fact, when we were looking hardly anyone knew where it was, what it was known for, that Barbara Bush had gone there.
What is it that makes her prefer one school over another? If it is just the rank or the reputation, I wouldn’t give that much weight. If it is a particular program at Smith, is it just one course that makes the Smith forensic science program different than the UMass one? If so, she can take that course as a student at UMass. I realize she wants the entire experience, but that’s a high price to pay.
I think she’ll really be happier as a 25 year old without debt.
One of my daughter’s friends went to Skidmore for science and absolutely loved it. She was either a neuroscience or major bio major (I forget) and was accepted to several physical therapy programs. She is currently at a prestigious, well known PT program earning a DPT.
Honestly, in your shoes I would push hard for Skidmore. A full tuition scholarship (even if you pay room and board) vs 30,000 for Smith just does not make sense in your situation (and I say this as someone who had a D graduate from a seven sister college).
Good luck!
And keep in mind- despite what you see on TV- forensics is first and foremost science. Your D needs to take statistics and chemistry and physics and psych 1 and the biology sequence and all those foundational requirements before she can start doing DNA analysis and the cool stuff that the (fictional) people do. The best medical examiners in the country- are doctors first and foremost. So in my mind a kid who thinks she wants this kind of career path is really checking out the ABC’s of a strong science education. Which would likely point to U Mass as the winner here. Depth, facilities, no chance of running out of courses. If she’s more interested in a behavioral science and forensics-- again- she needs depth in psychology classes, applied math, etc.
And of course- she could change her mind.
I’ve been skimming so I’m not sure if your D’s top two choices are Smith and Skidmore, but if they are, I don’t think there’s a great deal of difference in terms of academics. My kid graduated from a woman’s college (Bryn Mawr) and the one thing that’s great about women’s colleges (beside strong academics) is the alumni support for other alums–these women are a great “old girl” network and really do help one another.
That being said, if Skidmore is offering a big merit reward and Smith isn’t, then I’d have your D look closely at Skidmore. While Skidmore is generally known for its arts offerings, seems like a good sign that they’re trying to attract science students and suggests that the college may be putting more resources into the sciences. Finally, I’m from Massachusetts and know lots of kids from our town who’ve gone to the Commonwealth Honors program at UMass. I think UMass can work for some kids, but if your D has her heart set on a small LAC, then UMass isn’t it. Of course, she could take courses at Smith or Amherst or Hampshire while at UMass. Good luck helping your D figure it all out. Good that you’re going back to Skidmore.
“and of course, she could change her mind”, YUP. Absolutely one of my concerns. I’m not sure I want to spend an extra $80K because a school has a stronger science program just for this reason. No doubt in my mind she’ll end up STEM but she really is wishy-washy about the exact major, as most kids are I’m sure. I just want to make sure that Skidmore will provide a decent science base for her to jump from.
@bone ~ that’s good to hear. Feedback and reviews (other than from students) is hard to come by.
@blossom ~ no doubt, UMA will provide everything she wants/needs academically; unfortunately, she is having a hard time getting past the size of the school, even now that they have offered her a place in the very selective BioTap program (from what I understand, they select 38 kids from the Commonwealth Honors Program to attend?).
Thank you everyone! Hoping that our visit to Skidmore lends some light to the situation. In the meantime, we have mega stress here…she just tried on a dress for her sister’s wedding Saturday and there is NO WAY it is going to zipper…
I can’t help you with the dress.
And you may think she’ll end up STEM but you’d be surprised how many kids who start out STEM end up majoring in Econ or Urban Planning or Linguistics or Anthropology. And for a STEM kid- there are dozens of cool careers that didn’t even exist when we were in college- Big Data has transformed psychology, biology, genetic counseling, how companies assemble clinical trials or evaluate treatment options, epidemiology, etc. So a good science foundation is important- but lots of places she can go.
Thanks Blossom 
Wow this is even tougher, though in a good way, because of the Skidmore full-tuition.
Frankly, it’s hard for me to see what Smith offers that Skidmore doesn’t. I hope your D see’s the light.
Good luck to my fellow PATS fan.
I always ask “What would Belichick do?”
Belichick is cheap - he’d go for the free tuition, buy a sweatshirt at the thrift store, and cut the sleeves off.
OP- I would NOT take out any loans for your daughters college. I know it’s hard but you have to think of yourself too. Even if your job is secure , How many years do you plan on working? If you take out loans it sounds like you will not to be able to add to your 401K. The Govt keeps messing around with social security…Who knows what those of us in our 50’s will end up getting. I would add up how much he sends for child support and say this is all I can afford.
You sound so nice and genuine
I too want to chime in to say that my friend’s daughter—who also happens to be from Mass— graduated Skidmore in 2013 with a B.S. in chemistry. She was the valedictorian of her HS class and had very high SAT scores, but was rejected at all of her top choices. Skidmore was her safe school, and she was very disappointed to end up there. HOWEVER, she ended up LOVING it! Being one of the top chemistry students at Skidmore opened up so many opportunities that she does not think she would have had if she had gone to a more competitive school. She graduated Phi Beta Kappa and now has a research job in NYC.
Also, downtown Saratoga is amazing.
OP, from what you describe in post #22 I’d be minimizing expenses and maximizing retirement savings right now. No way in hell would I be taking out loans of ANY size for college OR making larger payments than required for roughly equivalent schools.
And I am generally of the “Go to the best school you can get into” school of thought.
@classicrockdad ~ you have a point, Belichick would absolutely pick Skidmore and twoinanddone hit the nail on the head LOL. GO PATRIOTS!!!
@brantly, thank you That is great to hear, those are the stories I need her to embrace. I’m almost embarrassed to say she looks down at Skidmore and feels it is under her, that it is an arts school, not a science school. She has already said she doesn’t want to talk to her friends about it. I don’t understand though. If you go by acceptance rates it is the “best” school she was accepted at. Every other school in the 25-35% waitlisted her. I know that doesn’t mean much but for a kid looking for prestige I thought it might. You friends’ daughter sounds very similar to my D who also was top, either #1 or #2, of her class at the #1 school in Massachusetts (Sturgis Charter) , lots of good that did her 
So,we are off at noon to upstate NY, a mere five hour drive I think, ugg. We’ll spend the evening in town, checking things out (this was one of her “wants”, a decent town, which believe it or not is hard to find in the NE LAC territories) and tomorrow she’ll attend a class while I meet with finaid to be sure they didn’t make a mistake haha, and then a campus tour. Hopefully, she’ll get a chance to talk with a chem professor and see the science building and I can post a facebook picture of her tomorrow in her new Skidmore sweatshirt. Keep your fingers crossed for me and THANK YOU.
Saratoga Springs isn’t that large. I’ll admit we were entranced by having to wait for a jockey on a thoroughbred to cross the road.
In general, most kids don’t spend as much time off campus as they think they will, when looking . Skid may be a little different because its so close. I don’t know, see if you can learn how much they’re in town. But you want to also explore the evening options *on *campus.
Which is ultimately the most affordable? UMass or Skidmore? Because you may think you can live close to the belt in retirement, but can’t know what your needs will really be.
Fwiw, every single person I know who went to UMass leads with the comment, “It’s so big.”. But every one of them loved their time there. A student’s portion of the experience is their dept, their housing/floor, their friends and activities. Plus, you get the option of classes at Amherst, Smith, and Holyoke.
Just saying. Best wishes.