Hi I’m a student, but I’m posting in the parents forum because I think you guys would be able to answer my question.
So I’m going to be starting school in the Fall and going to be living away. My parents are no longer together and they live separate, but my dad pays my mom some money every month for child support. There’s no court order or anything, this is just their agreement. Now that I’m going to school, my dad said that he wants to put all of that child support towards the college tuition, but my mom is saying no that she should still get the money and if he doesn’t comply he will take him to court.
My dad’s argument is that I’m the child and college tuition money is the support. My mom’s argument is that I live with her therefore the money should be going to her.
I really don’t know who’s right or wrong in this so that’s why I’m posting this.
Unless you live in NY or one of the VERY few states that requires child support beyond high school, your mom needs to keep quiet otherwise your dad may decide not to pay ONE DIME after you graduate from high school (or turn 18)
In most states, support ends at 18 or high school graduation.
If you live in NY or one of the other FEW states, then your mom may have a case, but only if the rules include that the custodial parent gets the money post age 18. Some orders may be exactly what your dad intends to do.
If you live in a state where support ends after high school, then tell your mom that your dad isn’t obligated to pay anything, so you both need to be grateful that he helps pay for college.
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So I’m going to be starting school in the Fall and going to be living away
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How is college getting paid for?
Your mom likely has come to “depend” on that money. However, if your mom is paying for your college costs, then give some/all of the support money to your mom. (your dad can’t keep you from doing that). If your mom is NOT paying much/anything for college, then maybe only give her money for the times that you are staying at her home.
Or is your dad’s intent to just pay the school directly for your tuition? If so, then how else would your tuition get paid for???
I am moving there by myself. Also, my parents are no longer in the picture. I have an uncle (not blood related but close) that lives in MA that I will be staying with. I cannot attend any school here, because I cannot afford to live on campus and for personal reasons that is my only option. I do not just plan to stay in Mass just for school, I actually want to LIVE there.<<<
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Are you an int’l? If so, what are your country’s laws about support. You’re from Canada?
Or are you also a US citizen?
If you’re not a US citizen, who is paying for your college so that you can get your Visa?
I live in Massachusetts and I am a rising college sophomore. I went to community college last year and lived at home with my mom so there was no problem with the child support issue but I transferred to a UNI.
My mom isn’t contributing at all to my college costs, I am paying her FAFSA efc that calculates to about $1000 because she says she can’t pay it. However there is still a gap and If I don’t use my dad’s help I will take out more loans I guess.
OP- hug to you. This is a tough situation for a kid to be in.
The bottom line is that informal arrangements like your parents agreement become very tough once the children leave home and/or start college. It all sounds great to work out a flexible deal without lawyers and a legally enforceable decree except when it doesn’t.
I’m not sure from your description whether your parents are married and just haven’t bothered or haven’t had time to get divorced, or whether they were never married.
But bottom line- I think you might want to consider having a discussion with each parent, individually, where you outline the total cost of your education for the next four years and ask for their input as to how you guys (as a team) are going to make it happen. At the end of the day, you can’t move forward in limbo without each parent making a commitment as to what they can afford and how those financial obligations are going to be met.
Did you apply for/are eligible need-based aid? Merit aid? Did you qualify for work-study… are there loans in the picture?
Give us a more complete understanding and maybe we can help you figure out the best way to approach your parents. Without knowing their legal status (married to each other, never married) it’s hard to know what each party is “required” to do. If your parents were married and then divorce, your dad may or may not be required to pay your mom alimony. (Money that goes to her, not for your support). If they don’t divorce, your dad may or may not be paying for her support… but he can’t be compelled to pay what he owes her if he just hands her a few hundred bucks every now and then.
Is your mom actually paying for anything for you? Are you spending time at home where she’d be subsidizing your food or anything like that? If you’re not living at home at all and she’s not paying for tuition, I think your dad’s money should go to the tuition. If you are spending even the summer at home, it does add something to her household budget.
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I live in Massachusetts and I am a rising college sophomore. I went to community college last year and lived at home with my mom so there was no problem with the child support issue but I transferred to a UNI.
My mom isn’t contributing at all to my college costs, I am paying her FAFSA efc that calculates to about $1000 because she says she can’t pay it. However there is still a gap and If I don’t use my dad’s help I will take out more loans I guess.
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you can’t take out more loans.
does your mom live in MA? Where do your parents live? That will determine what the support laws are. In another post it sounds like your parents don’t live in the US.
Your dad can send you the money as long as the court system that governs where they live allows that for kids over 18.
Anyone know what the CS laws in Mass are? These parents aren’t divorced, so any court procedure at this point would be dealing with a child of majority.
If the law doesn’t require support for this adult-child to go the CP, then it should go to the student. She can choose to give some to mom when she stays with her on breaks.
They are both Mass residents. They are still legally married. I have all need based aid and with subtracted I will need to pay about $4k. I have $2k saved up. I will pay my moms efc and then the rest but I will still need money for books as well. My parents don’t talk to each other directly, they use me as the messenger so it’s kind of difficult to make a compromise. Also my mom claims that my dad has to pay her until I am 23 according to the law. I don’t know if this is true
If there is no formal legal arrangement, I don’t thin the law applies.
Your parents need to get this child support straightened out…and formalized. You should not be in the middle of this…and you should ask them to please remove you from being in the middle.
There is no according to the law if your parents are married. A parent has the right to decide that they are paying zero for their child’s college education. It might not be fair, it might not be just- but the state can’t compel a parent to pay tuition. A parent is required to send their kid to school up to a certain age- but there is no law requiring a college education.
Were your parents to divorce, they would need to hammer out an agreement as to who pays what. But you are all in limbo if they have chosen to set up separate households, stay married to each other, and just informally pass cash back and forth.
Also, there is no such thing as your mom’s FAFSA. Your parents are married, and presumably, your FAFSA application reflected that. So your family’s contribution is based on your parents earnings (together) regardless of how they divvy up the earnings to support two households.
I agree with Thumper that you should ask them to take you out of the middle. Nobody likes paying a lawyer, but in the absence of an actual divorce, you are going to be a ping pong ball here…
It looks like the default in Massachusetts is that child support obligations terminate after a child is 18 and finishes high school. The statute indicates that a family law court could order a contribution to college costs depending on the circumstances.
As the student/child, one just does the best one can. Who knows if the parents will ever decide to go through any legal changes in their relationship. Probably know it is $$$ to attorneys and staying legally married even living separately isn’t having either to decide to go with any further legal relationship changes.
Hope you have enough $$ for school OP. I am guessing you have to show your mom the numbers, then with your dad show him the numbers. Maybe they have some kind of solution for you.
OP, take the money from your dad and use it wisely for tuition. I also suggest you take a stand with both parents and tell them you are no longer a messenger. They are married, whether they like it or not, and they are adults who should be mature enough to have some kind of communication without involving you.
Unless you have siblings who are still minors, you mother has no standing to take your father to court. You are an adult. There is no longer a basis for a custody or support hearing.
You should tell your Dad “thank you very much!” for whatever help he can give you. Keep up good communication with your Dad - tell him what courses you’re registering for, what you’re learning, what grades you get, etc. Keep him involved.
Your Mom doesn’t know what she is talking about. She should support herself and not use you to try to extort money from your Dad. She should also talk to a lawyer and have her own legal situation explained to her; if possible, you should sit in on that meeting.
Note that, according to how much support they are each providing you (not just directly for school, but the cost of rent/mortgage for a home with your own room, car payment/insurance, clothing, food when with them, gifts, etc.) it may be the case now that your Dad is providing the majority of your total support, in which case he could/would/should legally claim you as his dependent on his tax returns. The IRS doesn’t care at all now who had primary custody when you were a minor. Your Mom is probably not aware of that if she believes she can get him to pay child support to her when you’re an adult; that’s something else she needs a lawyer to explain to her, too.
H and I visited my parents (we were married for at least 5 years an no kids) - mom was very angry at dad and acted very inappropriately with her anger. H disappeared from the room. I was crying and telling them both they needed therapy! Marital counseling!
The next day they acted like nothing happened.
This student IMHO cannot ‘fix’ or even do anything to help make communication or parents’ relationship better. They are living separately because that is what they have decided and evidently that is what is comfortable or what works for them.
The parents are deciding how they want to act and paying what they are wanting to pay. It seems the father may be in a better financial situation to be helping with these school expenses, and maybe helping the student develop a good plan to being able to finish school with the current money situation.
My advice is for the student to only continue to deal with 1 on 1 with parents as it sounds like has been happening. “I don’t know” can be the answer to a lot of questions dad may ask or mom may ask when dad and mom should be communicating directly. Who knows, they might be talking some but we cannot be super correct in any speculations.
Relationships can be weird and can still move forward like that.
If the student’s parents are living in separate households, and are separated, the student can use this status on the FAFSA and only list the custodial parent (but would need to include all child or spousal support).
But I digress.
The mother cannot force the father to give the money to her u less she is willing to go to court and get a formal child support situation set up. Until now, the mo has not been willing to do this, it seems.