<p>My daughter is a sophmore and has always been an A student. 1st semester she ended up with 5 As and 2 A-s, which were in APUSH and in Honors English. All of her other classes are honors. Her dad was diagnosed with cancer in January and things have taken a downward spiral for her. She has been very preoccupied and her grades are sinking fast. Do colleges really look at extenuating circumstances when grades suddenly drop? I would appreciate any advice. Thank you.</p>
<p>Stormy -
I am so sorry to hear this - it must be very hard on everyone. Unless a school is entirely number's-based, they will look at personal factors. If your daughter is able to regroup next semester, it will only affect one marking period. Perhaps you and your D could discuss the possibility of dropping a class or making up work with the GC. Your school may have resources to help students live with the stress and keep putting one foot in front of the other. In any case, the GC will be the one that will be addressing these issues in his or her recommendation. If the GC is included in your support team early, he or she may be able to help now and at college time.</p>
<p>Yes, Ohio_mom is right.
In addition, I also suggest that you have your daughter see a therapist to help her through this difficult time. If your daughter is like most teens, she'll resist this idea, however I suggest that you insist.</p>
<p>Most teens who could benefit from therapy are reluctant to go, but the therapists are used to that reaction and still can help them. With that kind of help, your daughter also may be able to get her grades back up despite her concern about her dad's illness.</p>
<p>I'm sorry to hear about your husband, and I hope that as is the case with several of my friends who have had cancer, he responds well to treatment.</p>
<p>Thank you both for your replies. I do need to touch base with her guidance counselor. I just sent an e-mail to her teachers with him copied this week to let them know that she is really struggling right now. I contacted them when her dad was first diagnosed, but didn't update when he had surgery and was in the hospital for a week, or when he recently started chemo. My daughter is seeing a therapist, but I need to get her visits closer together. I would just hate for this difficult time to affect her chances when she applies to college. Thanks again for your help.</p>
<p>Stormy-sending well wishes to your family during this time. My cousin had a stroke during the fall of his daughter's senior year. It was a difficult year for the entire family, but especially for the daughter. Her grades did fall some and her guidance counselor added a note with all of her applications to explain her grades. She got in several schools, even a couple that she didn't think she would be admitted to. Unfortunately, this happens in families all the time and a good counselor will be able to pave the way. I do believe that colleges do take these situations into account.</p>
<p>Best of luck to your daughter and a speedy recovery to your husband.</p>
<p>Stormy,
Please make sure that you, too, are getting support through caring friends and family, therapy or a support group.</p>
<p>I know that this is a very difficult, stressful time for you, and you've got on your shoulders some major decisions as well as being the main person keeping your family emotionally stable. Difficult as it is with all of those responsibilities, make sure to take care of your own emotional and physical health. Just because you're the mom doesn't mean you have to be Superwoman.</p>
<p>My thoughts are with you. Please let us know how things are going.</p>
<p>Stormy,
My son had grade difficulties his freshman and sophomore years - we were taking care of both elderly parents at home at that time - they fought like cats and dogs and he had to be the adult until we got home from work. Anyway, he got his grades together junior year, work hard on his SAT's, enjoyed his EC's .... and the happy ending to the story is that he is a first year at University of Chicago. He was waitlisted at a couple of schools - Bowdoin and Cartleton, and I suspect that his grades were a factor. But - all that means is that you will have to be a little more careful what your D has solid foundation of likelies and matches. To go along with whatever reaches she would like!</p>
<p>Be sure to take care of yourself, and keep us posted.</p>
<p>Stormy, I echo the sentiments of Northstarmom -- it's important to pace yourself, since this may be a marathon instead of a sprint. Along those lines, I agree with Pokey that colleges will most likely take your husband's health situation into consideration. And I'm sure the college search will work out. </p>
<p>In the meantime, though, I'd worry less about grades and more about life issues -- as I'm sure you are. At the end of the day, how you, your husband and daughter are doing emotionally is more important than D's grades this year. I've read several articles recently about the idea that cancer is becoming more of a chronic illness than an acute illness -- there are more and more treatments available. So, good luck and best wishes to you and your family!!!</p>
<p>Stormy, I'm sorry to hear this. We're in a similar situation with my daughter. She is a junior. She has always been a straight A student. Now she has 3 failing grades. I'm not even worrying about colleges or grades anymore--just focusing on what I can do to help her. She is receiving outside counseling also. I am even considering pulling her out of school for a semester--something I will do if it is best for her emotionally. Best wishes to you and your family.</p>
<p>Stormy, my sympathies. My husband has non-Hodgkin's lymphoma (currently in remission) which was diagnosed just as my D started 9th grade and my son was in 8th. My D's grades slipped somewhat in 9th (first round of chemo) and in 11th (second round). Son's grades didn't slip--but they weren't very good in any case. The colleges did not seem to care about my daughter's grades; her admissions were certainly in line with her ECs and SAT scores, not her grades. Ditto for my son.</p>
<p>It was a very rough time for all of us, and I'd like to stress the advice my sister gave me: "Take care of yourself first, because you're going to have to hold everything together." I tried to make time for small pleasures in my life every day; I found a long walk very helpful.</p>
<p>I concur with what sjmom said about cancer becoming a chronic illness; that's certainly been true for my husband, and I hope you're at least as fortunate as we've been. Feel free to IM me if I can be of help.</p>
<p>Stormy,
I echo what has been said on this thread--please take care of yourselves first. Good college choices will be available, but you all have to weather this as a family.
Schools can be very supportive at times of crisis, and GCs can be very helpful in their letters of rec that go to each college. I know our GC was able to do this to the benefit of several kids--one whose parents were going thru a messy divorce & many other kids going thru other situations.
I believe smaller schools are less "numbers driven" and more inclined to consider extenuating circumstances about what each student would bring to the school & community.
Good luck to you at this challenging time. There are some amazing resources you can find by googling Bernie Siegel (sorry can't post websites here). He's a retired oncologist & has an on-line forum/support group & motivational resources.</p>
<p>So many truly fine posts here for Stormy. How wise you are to make sure your D has a counselor so she does not have to mask her own feelings a couple hours a week if she is also worried about your emotional health being under duress sometimes. Even if you are holding yourself together right now, don't overestimate your reserves and consider finding someone or at least a support group where you can also vent without worrying about affecting your D or your spouse in a burdensome way. </p>
<p>Be proactive for yourself is what I am saying because you will be needed in so many ways as a parent and a spouse. Don't wait for a reactive depression, just prepare for one by establishing a private lifeline for yourself ahead of time.
Be creative about spreading out the academic work with her understandable level of distraction present. Look into not overloading, or picking up a foreign language or math requirement in a summer session for instance or take a tough course at the local Community College over a quiet summer. </p>
<p>Senior year AP exam grades for instance..to steal a rock song..What are they Good For. They will let you place out of intro courses and then have more room for minors and double majors etc.
Admissions decisions though are settled when the AP tests are graded and at many colleges later, you only get "credit" for say two classes and otherwise you simply get to accelerate if you have accrued AP credits.<br>
Is Accelerating in curriculum smart and necessary this is an issue that comes up junior and senior years? That is the question.
Ask yourself at different points in the next two years..is acceleration in this set of circumstances with someone we love fighting cancer really got a cost benefit weight to it or are we just jumping through hoops on AP tests for no real solid reason?<br>
I think many colleges will weight the fact that her family is fighting cancer and not penalize her.<br>
If she is sad and broods too much to prepare for her PSATs or some other benchmark exam next year, consider getting her into a structured review course so review is "fed" to her.<br>
Get her into some emotionally fulfilling activity like a sport or a form of art to keep her emotionally open and more balanced.</p>
<p>Your emotions and health also must be preserved because your D needs to see you are OK in order for her to lean on you. My advice echos the above..Get some great Match schools in your mind for her and then get out there and get Attached emotionally to Match colleges first. This may take off the pressure to be "superlative" when dealing with a major illness and does not mean you still can't guide your D to preparing a couple thoughtful reach applications, too.</p>
<p>Admire your ability to think ahead about her welfare. We hope you are enjoying your husband's recovery some day soon.</p>
<p>Write,
you care care of yourself, too, and virtual hugs for you and all your family.</p>