FA Dependency Override, Emotional Abuse

Paying for College
1

<p>At the present, I am a high school senior preparing my FAFSA; fortunately, my parents have agreed to contribute their financial information. </p>

<p>However, throughout the course of my life, I have witnessed domestic violence. Typing these words is incredibly painful. This is not a subject that I take lightly.</p>

<p>I do not view the entrance of college as a clean break from the malign forces which afflicted my childhood (although, I have not applied to any colleges near my home). I view college as an opportunity for recovery and regrowth. I now realize that is neither my responsibility nor within my capabilities to mend my parents' relationship. </p>

<p>As a child of immigrants from a very family centered community, this decision was very difficult to come to, but I feel that it is necessary. My sister's completion of a domestic violence course at her university and our subsequent discussions strengthened my resolve. I do not believe that I will permanently sever ties with my parents, but I do believe that I need time to heal. </p>

<p>The purpose of my post stems from confusion regarding proper documentation of emotional abuse for the purposes of dependency override. I understand that this will vary per university.
I am rarely, personally, physically abused. </p>

<p>Presently, I am prepared to report the following:
- Police reports (indicating frequent visits to our home over the last two decades)
- Voice recordings of my parents arguments (explicit, demeaning)
- Personal explanation (bearing anecdotes and my purpose in requesting)</p>

<p>Additional Notes & Inquiries:
- I live with a chronic illness. Chronic stress can incite chronic illness, as well as, exacerbate symptoms. Is this something I should attempt to include documentation of?</p>

<ul>
<li><p>I feel that I need another source to corroborate my account. I have considered clergy and my guidance counselor, but I have no desire (whatsoever) to bring charges against my parents...Additionally, would reporting this information to financial aid offices necessitate investigation by CPS? </p></li>
<li><p>Is it vital to have submitted all of my evidence prior to financial aid deadlines? </p></li>
<li><p>I feel conflicted about reporting my parents' voice recordings; it is not my intention to disrespect them. What is your opinion?</p></li>
</ul>

<p>Thank you for reading this post in its entirety. Whether you feel that you are qualified to answer my inquiries, all feedback is welcome...I feel very lost at the moment, but I feel that I must act quickly. </p>

<p>(Due to the sensitive nature of this topic, I have created a new account, if one was were curious about my lack of prior posts.)</p>

2

<p>I know you will get responses from some of the very knowledgeable posters who often comment on dependency overrides (I’m not one of them), but I just wanted to get some clarification so you get the correct answer. Are you saying that your parents are willing to supply you with funds for college, but you don’t want to accept them because you want to cut ties?</p>

3

<p>MommaJ, I believe they are willing to supply funds. </p>

<p>They’re very private about their specific financial problems. Our house has come close to foreclosing a few times. Money is tight; they both have bad credit and too many loans.</p>

<p>I’m accustom to empty promises. I believe they would be willing to, but I’m not sure if they can (for the full duration of my undergraduate experience).</p>

4

<p>Keep in mind, that even if you should get a dependency override for federal aid, it will most likely not happen for schools that give their own institutional aid.</p>

<p>Part of getting an override is based on your family being irreparably broken.</p>

<p>some of the reasons for a dependency override are </p>

<p>

</p>

<p>about emotional abuse</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>It is not easy to get a dependency override, you must document, document, document. </p>

<p>What does the emotional abuse consists of?</p>

<p>CPS reports would strengthen your case especially since the GC would be able to corroborate this. </p>

<p>If there is abuse going on in your home, be advised once you tell your GC, as a mandated reporter, s/he will have to report the incident(s) to CPS.</p>

<p>Where will you live? You cannot be still living in your parent’s home, or getting any kind of support for them while at the same time ask for consideration for an override.</p>

5

<p>How did your sister pay for college? Did she seek a dependency override?</p>

<p>Your situation will be evaluated by each college. They will take the information you provide to them and they will make a determination.</p>

<p>How will you pay costs not covered by school financial aid and federally funded loans? If you get the dependency override, I don’t believe you can then receive support from your parents…and this might include things like your insurances.</p>

<p>I hope Kelsmom sees this, and can clarify.</p>

6

<p>You’ve all raised very valid concerns. </p>

<p>Thumper1, my brother and sister’s educations have been funded by my parents. It hasn’t been easy for my parents. </p>

<p>Financing my own education has been a serious source of anxiety. Presently, I have committed to completing one “small scale” scholarship a week. I believe I can earn decent merit aid (high GPA, high SAT, URM). I’m working and saving my income. I should be able to purchase health insurance through some of the universities I applied to. My medications are low cost and generic (w/ insurance…). I’ve always managed and researched my chronic illness w/o my parents’ guidance; nutrition, exercise, and low stress are truly key.</p>

<p>EDIT: I’m also learning about web design. I try not to be too idealistic…but it would be wonderful if that could provide a potential source of income. I’m also a very frugal person.</p>

7

<p>Sybbie, I have no plans to live in that household. I think all my sibling would agree on its toxic nature. I plan to pay to live on campus during breaks or travel abroad for internships, if my finances permit.</p>

8

<p>On many campuses, you will not be allowed to stay during breaks unless you are an international student. Even if you earn"decent merit $$" it will not be enough to cover the cost of attendance. Your small scale scholarships in addition to any monies you earn may end up reducing your aid.</p>

<p>Where is the $ for health insurance, almost 3k/year coming from?</p>

9

<p>Whether or not you decide to file for a dependency override is something only you can determine. Students do not always find they get better aid as a result. If you believe you must break from your parents, there are consequences (such as lack of insurance). </p>

<p>Should you wish to pursue an override, you will need to lay your situation bare for the aid officers at each school. You will need to write a detailed personal statement outlining the issues, and showing that the relationship is either too dangerous for you to remain part of or is irretrievably broken. You will have to provide statements from others - preferably professionals (guidance counselor, therapist, court advocate) -that support what you have said in your statement. Each school will review the info and make its own decision - some may give you an override while others may not. Overrides may take time, and you may not know the outcome until summer.</p>

<p>You may wish to discuss the situation with your school guidance counselor.</p>

10

<p>You certainly can apply for an override, and as others have said, having official reports regarding the abuse, regardless of the ultimate police, social worker or court decisions about them, would only help your case.</p>

<p>Most young people that I know, thankfully very few, who have had to cut off parental/home relations found it difficult enough to just get independent, never mind school. Unless you find a college that will meet full need or close to it, that will accept your dependency overrides, support your independence move by financial aid is not easy to do. When you are age 24, you can officially be independent and actually be it as well in terms of having supported yourself and knowing the ropes to do this. You are trying to use college money as a means to make this break, and the kids I’ve known who have tried to do this have not succeeded unless they make the break later in their school careers, usually out of necessity due to actual lack of support from the parents who may pay one year or some of one year and then not come up with the money. Knowing the college lay of the land, they find cheap housing off campus in the student ghetto, find jobs and make do that way, usually not gettting out fo a number of years, but truly being independent in the process. </p>

<p>A lot of kids want to do what you are thinking of doing so as not to have to put up with the parents and the “maybes”. Sadly, a lot of parents simply won’t fil ou the FAFSA and PROFILE, limiting financial aid options to just what merit awards a student can get and the Stafford loans on an unsub basis. So schools are often not so sympathetic to this without ACTUAL documention that an ongoing problem has been there being officially reported. Especially in paying out their own money…</p>

<p>If you have the stats and proflle that you are a candidate for schools that tend to provide great financial aid packages, you are probably likely to be a top candidate at a number of schools that ordinarily do not, but have some great merit awards for their top students. Look at Momfromtexas and her thread in the archives as to how she dug out those hidden gems. Most colleges simply gap tremendously and getting these overrides does not necessarily mean swimnming in the gravy. Those schools that override may do so ,because they aren’t going to be giving you money anyways and the ones that have the funds and process to do so, may decline it. You do have to go through this process with each of your schools, and one accepting it does not help with the others necessarily.</p>

<p>As for disrespecting your parents…honey, that ship done sailed. You are going to be accusing them of ABUSE. If you are on that ship all ready, you are going to need every shred of evidence you have. Just reading your post, without some official proof, I would deny your request in an instant. IWhat your story is and what you write is going to just be the catalyst in all of this, not what sways anyone because a lot of people can unload and write anythiing they please for the money. It’s the strong evidence that will make the differene. Statements to police, hospital, social workers, incidence report, all of over a period of time, years, would make a strong case. Your listing of things will mean nothing. Anyone can do that.</p>

11

<p>Thank you all for your very detailed responses. They truly are appreciated. </p>

<p>A combination of my own research and your responses has convinced me not to pursue the dependency override. I now fully realize the significance of documentation in these cases, and I do not feel that it the best course of action to commit myself to this endeavor.</p>

<p>However, I would like to clear something up that’s been bothering me…You’re certainly welcome to reply, but I will no longer respond to this thread. </p>

<p>Domestic violence is an incredibly deleterious social plague on ALL parties involved. A house where one does not feel safe, a house where one awaits the threat of violence is undoubtedly an emotionally abusive home. Physical scars fade, but emotional scars can persist for a lifetime. These are issues I’ll face for the rest of my life–worring about my mother, unlearning unhealthy relationship patterns. I’d like to share a link in order to raise some awareness:</p>

<p>[Effects</a> of Domestic Violence on Children](<a href=“http://www.domesticviolenceroundtable.org/effect-on-children.html]Effects”>Page Redirection)</p>

<p>My comments regarding “disrespect” refer to my mother’s struggles. I felt conflicted because this situation isn’t just my story. There’s so much shame associated with domestic violence. If you grow up in a household where you witness domestic violence, you become accustom to secrecy…so much secrecy. Maybe I was ready to talk to someone, but if she wasn’t, is it my place to speak up?</p>

<p>Although, I received very informative responses (for which I am thankful for), I felt that I experienced unnecessary discourtesy from posters who were simply not educated about domestic violence. </p>

<p>Again, I thank you for the information, all the same.</p>

12

<p>Merryberry, my heart goes out for all of those involved in domestic abuse. There is often no good solution to the family. In a number of the cases when the authoritites were involved, what ensued made life more miserable and tortuous for those who needed the help. I think my comments came out much harder and discourteous than I intended them to be, but I was trying to get across the difficulty of the situation and in getting an override. </p>

<p>However, I would give it a try in some cases. What do you have to lose if your father truly refuses to fill out any forms for you? There have been times when kids have gotten an override with just a description of the situation and the GC also supporting an override. If it works out that simply for even one school, that’s all you would need. If you can’t or won’t come up with info for schools that ask for more, than that venue is closed to you at those schools. So by all means, talk to your GC, and give it a go. But be prepared for a request for official documentation. Don’t be surprised or shocked. Be happily grateful if you get the override without such a request.</p>

<p>The whole college process and payments are really a business when ti comes down to it. The schools are not looking for reasons to give students money, but to get it from parents willing to pay for their kids. You would not expect to get a car from the state when you need one, would you? However, colleges like to get the top students in order to have the draw for more paying ones, and will pay for certain students. </p>

<p>So do give it go at a few colleges and see what happens. What harm will it do as you are not going to go beyond a certain point on this. I can tell you that if I were the fin aid officer, yes, to get the overrride, I would want evidence of some sort, not just a description. But I’m just one person, and there are others that may go with what yougive. </p>

<p>What are your alternatives? What will you do abouf financial aid? Will you get aid, given your parents’ financials and how much are they willing to contribute towards your education?</p>

13

<p>^^I agree with cpt. if they 'want" to try and fund you and are willing to help you fill out the FAFSA then you have nothing to lose by continuing on and waiting to see what the financial aid packages are.</p>

<p>You might also consider if you can fund 2 years at a CC with whatever aid and scholarships you can amass. If you work a part-time job and can find friends to live with you might be able to swing it financially and gain your “independence” that way. Alot would depend on where you live and what is available to you with regard to community colleges and low cost housing and if you have any friends headed for your local CC. My boys have friends who have gone this route (moved out into an apartment and commute together to the local CC.)</p>

<p>Also BTW, I don’t think anyone has been discourteous to you. I think you have gotten alot of straight talk, but i do agree with kelsmom that you might want to talk to someone like your guidance counselor about what is going on now that you are deep into college applications.</p>

14

<p>I think I came off as harsh when I said, I would require official documents if I were in that situation where I was evaluating these NCP waivers. Maybe I would, maybe not, but I feel such serious accusation need back up. It’s easy to sit there and mull over in one’s mind all of the terrible things that have happened and convince ones self that a college will look at the horror and not only do the NCP but pay the money so the poor kid can escape the abusive horrible environment. That is absolutely NOT the reality. It MIGHT happen once in a long while, but that’s just not the way it works, and those who have undergone such trial by fire, need to come up with the official paperwork–the CPS reports, the police reports, not just what is written on a waiver form and kept confidential. I did not want the OP to get lulled into the feeling that this is going to be an easy go. Sybbie can problably tell her privately what it takes for a GC at a school to corroborate this sort of thing. </p>

<p>Many families and household have a lot of abusive incidents occur. It’s whether they are documented that count after the fact.</p>