You are not being overly sensitive. Those comments come across as totally misogynistic.
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Itās a group for acoustic guitar players. Some sing, but I only do instrumentals. Trust me, no one wants to hear me sing! There is a huge range of playing styles and ability levels. I play a classical (nylon string guitar), but I am not playing classical pieces. Just happen to be playing a classical guitar. So maybe think, finger style guitar? Not strumming chords.
I do NOT play from memory, so I am reading music in these videos. I think that is part of it - many of the guys on there play by ear and strum chords and sing. So, maybe they donāt understand the level of concentration? But there are certainly many others who play in the style I play.
I think it is primarily the fact that there are no comments like these on any of the menās posts. So, they do have a sexist undercurrent to them. To me?
Again, there are SO few of these. Itās mostly very relevant comments. Itās just a matter of weighing the positive v the negative. And, I suppose, I am the only one who can determine if putting up with the nonsense is worth it.
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I saw that. I just donāt know how that plays out in groups. I suppose I could message the mod and ask.
Iām going to wait it out and see what happens.
Consider changing your camera angle to limit view to instrument.
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Just as an aside, donāt doubt yourself on how you are feeling about these menās posts. If they bother you, they bother you. We all have different levels of sensitivity to things. I donāt belong to a lot of facebook groups - but two of them are part of paid programs and the others are related to my college alumni groups and cooking. Not a lot of room for critiquing! Larger groups can turn into a free for all.
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I thought the comments were creepy and Iām sure they knew it. I second aiming the camera at the instrument only.
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I wouldnāt take those comments as derogatory in the least. Having performed in public they are just natural feedback and relevant to performance. Sitting up straight is fair comment also to a performer. They are critiquing the entire performance (including your dress matching the type music) not just the music. You are performing for a FB group even if not in a traditionally public venue. You do you but Iād just shrug those comments off and move on. If you just want the music/technique to be the focus then just aim the camera there and donāt include yourself.
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Facebook groups are super important for my career because of recommendations. At the same time, these groups can be incredibly destructive for the community. They used to be primarily about finding a good dry cleaner, a nice local hike, or where to get the best bagels. Over the last five years though, these groups have taken some very ugly turns.
I never comment on any post that becomes heated.
I wonder if the comments you encountered are to help you if your goal is to be able to work professionally as a musician. The comments, while probably annoying, donāt seem too offensive. Perhaps the wording left something to be desired?
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I would understand that if those types of comments appeared on posts all the time. But, they donāt. I have never seen a similar comment on any of the menās musical postings.
Most of the people playing (men) are wearing t-shirts, jeans, short, etc. This is not a professional thing at all. They arenāt on a stage.
But, only showing the instrument is not a bad idea at all.
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Maybe. Though I have no desire to work as a professional.
But, all of this feedback is helpful. Thatās why I like coming here - to see the range of reactions/perspectives.
Turn the tables to see how it sounds.
Very nice. What would make our viewing pleasure better is a beautiful smile from a beautiful man playing a beautiful song.
Hoggirl is correct that a similar comment made to a man would seem very strange, and has not occurred to her knowledge.
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If a guy presented wearing a tux heād probably get comments telling him to either dress it up with a different color bow tie or wear something else for performance. Feel free to comment.
Or no comments because men always think theyāre right anyways and itās useless to give advice because they never listen no matter how helpful.
LOL Just wear jeans/ t-shirt/ sweat pants next time and nobody will give performance comments. Or a t-shirt with āthis is my rehearsal shirtā emblazoned on the front.
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It says more about the men posting than you.
Posters could be older and not trained in harrasment employment standards.
Could be lonely hearts looking for love.
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Actually, fair points about nobody saying anything about appearance if it was a man performing.
If the group is otherwise helpful, Iād stay in it but block anyone who is annoying. You can always try flipping it around too. āWould you comment on my smile if I was male?ā That could lead to an interesting discussion!
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Not really very interestingāwomen smile 62 times a day vs menās 8 times according to studies. Eight times more often! Itās just expected to see women smile more as a reflection of emotion and therefore would be commented on probably more often from audience view.
I think it definitely has to do with age and not having had training in harassment employment standards.
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I actually really like Facebook groups.
Iām in one that is such a lifeline for me. We share a common interest but itās become so much more than that. This group is small and very close.
I also belong to groups that are about a common interest. Those are trickier.
If it were me this is what I would do. I would make a separate post and tell the group what youāve told us. That you are uncomfortable with comments about your personal appearance and facial expressions. I like being nice and pointing out that although a person may think they are harmless that as a woman they feel off to you. Ask the posters to really think about their comments and how they make others feel.
Personally I hate it when men tell a woman to smile. Itās nails on a chalkboard to me. Itās rude and misogynistic. But I wouldnāt be that rude.
Also is the group moderated? You could reach out to the group moderator but honestly I would make a post, I think you would find a lot agree with you.
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Iām in a travel group. They get a lot of repeat post. There were certain posters who would tell you to use search. I found it annoying as many of the users are older.
I made a really nice post that sometimes Facebook search is difficult, that a group benefits from new members and a lively engaged group.
I got tons of responses, people thanked me for explaining how it feels to ask a question and then be told to search for an answer.
I find that it changed the group, they donāt do it as much.
Iām a proponent of try to enact change
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Yes, women smile more often, and itās due to cultural pressures/norms rather than biology. Hereās an article aimed at a lay audience explaining more: Women smile more than men, but differences disappear when they are in the same role, Yale researcher finds | YaleNews
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Agreed. The harassment I have received in my life to smile more has overwhelmingly come from older men. It is rarely from younger men, and it is never from women. It certainly is not the worst type of harassment you can receive, but it does wear away at a person. The men who make these comments will protest that it is in no way harassment, but they would never say it to another man (they know they might get punched.)
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