Sitting properly might possibly be considered part of playing the guitar. Clothing choice for a video of a practice session? Nope. Smiling? Nope.
I agree that women are judged for not smiling much more commonly and harshly than men. It is particularly annoying for those of us who have a genetic predisposition for a serious looking disapproving facial expression. (There’s a nasty phrase for it that I won’t repeat here, but it’s unfortunately quite accurate for me.) One thing that made me appreciate wearing a mask!
First, I appreciate the helpful and positive responses the OP has received here.
I realize the situation is different for someone who participates in Fb groups for professional reasons. In my case, I have separate Fb accounts with modified versions of my name (no last name, for one thing.) I use available privacy settings to (hopefully) prevent being found through searches and I allow only “friends” or group members to see posts.
Initially, I used a version of my name/nickname with no last name on an account where I interact with a few relatives. I also didn’t use my photo as an avatar. That way I was able to avoid a couple of toxic relatives who’d contact me whenever they wanted something. I also use different settings for how often I see other’s posts or they see mine, if at all, without having to unfriend anyone. That began after several in-laws sent friend requests.
Later, I did something similar for a Fb group started for our current neighborhood where everyone had to be invited to join. I created the account, emailed the one person I knew to identify my account and then used only my first and (otherwise not used) middle name. I have blocked a couple of neighbors who were rude to others (and one who was rude to me when she failed to get a freebie I offered and became hostile.)
Yet another Fb account is used for shop inquiries, product information requests and other things that I don’t want connected to even my minimal real information. Each of these accounts is tied to a different email address. I hope I’m not kidding myself about how well my privacy is preserved through these measures, but I think they do help.
Um… Gonna disagree. It is definitely part of performance. As a singer you learn to smile with the upper part of your face (smile with your eyes) and just not your mouth (you can’t smile and sing at the same time). Learning to not look like your scowling (furrowed eyebrows especially) is actually pretty hard!
This is a perfect real life example of what a burden it is when women are obligated by cultural pressure to smile more. Those women who are deemed to fail in the duty are told their faces are all wrong and given a label that involves an actual swear word. It can get to the point that it becomes a relief to wear a mask to avoid the scrutiny.
And one of the biggest criticisms in singing competitions at least is the “facial expressions don’t match the emotion of the music”. You can’t sing a happy song and look like everyone is dying and you can’t sing a ballad about the end of the world and look happy about it to score well.
I obviously am looking at these posts as innocuous comments from a performer to another.
I wouldn’t block them. I’d say something shocking, obnoxious, or more likely sarcastic. I would likely enjoy doing that to someone saying inappropriate comments to get them to stop. If you need help, I have all sorts of obnoxious, sarcastic remarks I can come up with in a moments notice.
I agree that for professional or competition level singers, that facial expression should match the feel of the song. But if I remember correctly, the OP is not singing (just playing the guitar) and is not at professional/competition level, but is rather at the stage where she still has to concentrate while reading from the music.
If someone still feels they need to give comments about clothing or facial expression, a quick way to check whether it is really constructive criticism vs. gendered harassment is to ask yourself whether you would say the same thing to a man. Would you say:
“Very nice. What would make our viewing pleasure better is a beautiful smile from a beautiful man playing a beautiful song.”
or would you say:
“The piece you are playing on the guitar is a happy song. Matching the tone of the piece with a happy facial expression would make the performance more coherent for the audience.”
LOL. Nope. If I were a guy to a guy I’d say : “Come on, man! You look like you’re at a funeral and the music suggests you’re at a festival!. Get your “blankin’” act together if you want to get hired.”
Then I’d use some more colorful language that wouldn’t go on an internet forum and my point would be happily conveyed to the male contingent who wouldn’t have hard feelings. Then we’d all go out for a drink and watch the game on the big screen TV at the local sports bar.
Very sorry. If you don’t like comments then just say it. I got off topic with singing. Respond directly to the comments. “I’m just here to learn technique” etc. If it continues after that then defriend them and report it.
Keep having fun in your group!
Well, I’ve been playing over 50 years, so I reckon I am never going to get to the point where I don’t have to concentrate on reading the music. Lol. I also try to concentrate when I read words. I don’t read a book (whether silently or aloud) while smiling constantly.
It’s not that I have some stoic face the entire time. I always smile at the end of my videos.
I did not mention that I previously had a different comment that said, “I could do WITHOUT the smile at the end.” I just put the laughing emoji and said can’t please everyone.
Which, I get. I am putting myself out there. I have to accept whatever comes my way, and I have to be able to handle that. I have a YouTube channel as well. I have gotten a couple of interesting comments on there - one was just, “Old.” Lol. I removed that one. Another was, “Looks fake.” I just replied, “Well, it’s not.”
But you are 100% correct when you flip that quote around to a man. Your second comment is much more respectful. I could handle that. I think. I really didn’t get the guy’s comment about wearing a black dress (it wasn’t a dress - he couldn’t tell what it was - he ASSUMED it was a dress…hmmmm). It was just a black top. Plenty of people ALWAYS wear black when they perform. Look at orchestras! Not that I view what people post as, “performances.” BUT, my bottom line point is nobody says anything to the men about what they are wearing!!
It makes me personally uncomfortable when people are debating the specific criticisms that the OP shared in her post.
To me, the criticisms are irrelevant. The OP’s feelings about the criticisms are.
And to me when people give credence to the criticisms, it negates the feelings women have about comments from men.
Women are allowed to feel the way they do. They can call out those who criticize them because how are people (men) are ever going to learn that their comments aren’t right.
The OP isn’t a professional and I am positive to all those on the group understand that. Their comments should not reflect what a professional should do when it’s apparent that the poster has no idea of doing so.
You are putting yourself out there as performer when you have a youtube channel. That’s no longer just a random facebook group. And I really applaud you! And you aren’t a beginner either–far beyond one of us trying to join this group. Again that’s fabulous! But if you didn’t think you’d get some criticism constructive or otherwise I’m not sure what to say.
Being told to smile by men is extremely irritating (to me as a woman.) If you are asking for feedback on your presentation or for help getting ready to audition or something, then sure, it might be relevant. But I might just let it go.
