I have remained in the group and posted a few more pieces. I have had no more negative comments about my lack of smiling until my little friend came back today.
This is how I have decided to handle it. My reply is just a photo with my face blacked out - no comment other than his name is automatically tagged because I am replying to him. I have blacked out more here (names and little circles with profile pics for privacy)
In my mind, I am trying to deflect with humor. We’ll see what, if anything, he comes back with. I have no issue questioning him on whether he makes these smiling observations about male players (he doesn’t).
I’ve decided I’m not going to let this guy run me off. It’s a GREAT group overall. Very supportive generally, and I love listening to what other players are posting.
Haha, at first glance, I just thought “wow, that looks like a tough chord!” Then the finger placement sunk in and I just thought “No! Hoggirl wouldn’t do that!” Or would she?
The guy who criticized my lack of smiling (both on my most recent video and on another) simply came back with, “funny,” in response to my blurred out photo.
Since then, though, I have gotten a few other replies and comments from both men and women under the blurred out photo along the lines of good response and good sense of humor, etc. So, I am glad I went with that approach.
Thankfully, one woman has also come in and written what I would have liked to - that what I am doing is not easy and that I am concentrating. She wrote that she herself sometimes makes even a “mean face,” trying to get her music played correctly, but she can still tell I am having a blast. Jerky guy has come back and written he can’t imagine I’m having a blast. I replied to her with a - and saying that she was exactly right.
Once FB added the ability to post anonymously in Groups, that’s likely the beginning of the end for me. They already didn’t do enough to discourage trolling and spamming and now they seem to want to actively encourage it further, dropping any pretense that they aren’t actively seeking divisive engagement.
Gosh, he’s just insufferable. A reasonable person would understand that people can do things that bring them joy and satisfaction without smiling. Do painters smile when they paint?
If you’d like to continue with humorous responses, here’s an idea: reply with this link and state that “Crew is an amazing guitarist and he doesn’t smile”
Going back to the original question. I am in a few groups. Two are parent groups based on year of HS graduation of the kids. Both are amazingly supportive groups of people. In one case we have had multiple in person meet ups and I consider the members some of my closest friends. The other group is equally cool.
The other group I am in is of people with interest in the same hiking trail in England. That group is also really great. People are helpful with tricks and tips about the trail
I’m a member of three local chatter groups. One has turned into an endless stream of ads. They claim they allow them only on Tuesday and Thursday, but really, responses are everyday so the ads are too. Originally the ads had to be from businesses in our town or neighboring abutting towns…which was OK as I support local businesses. But then the admin decided to open it up to any town in two counties of the state.
I am probably going to opt out of that one soon…and I’d love to say why, but I’m sure the admin would delete.
Your response seems like it was pitch-perfect, Hoggirl!
I agree - wouldn’t just simply thank them for the feedback - the guy sounds so clueless that he might take that as a legitimate validation of his gendered and irritatingly superficial comment! Your approach was great!
I am on two facebooks. One for the camper van we have- they can get snarky (I ignore) and I don’t post but, the information has been extremely helpful for any issues that come up mechanically. That information does not appear to be elsewhere and has gotten us out of a lot of situations that could have been difficult but were solved.
The other one is H’s high school group which is very supportive. The reunions, etc are announced there and no where else.
I had never seen an anonymous posting in any of my FB groups until very recently. It was in a homeowners group. I thought it was odd b/c while many posts in that group have been political, controversial and (in at least one instance downright offensive), this was merely a question about one of the community swimming pools.
I also have never seen an anonymous post. I belong to several groups - small, medium and large in size. I guess I can understand from a sensitive subject point of view but rare occasions - depending on the group I guess. I could see it for a group related to a health condition or social situation.
- and saying that she was exactly right.
