I was accepted to the engineering program to a decent school but my freshmen year, I just did really badly. In high school, I got mostly As and Bd so when I failed 2 classes in college, I didn’t know what to do. I was told I can’t do engineering anymore as my GPA was way too low so my counselor gave me a semester in my sophomore year to take some easy classes and get my cumulative GPA to 2.0 kinda like a “last chance”. They told me to pick a major in the school of arts and sciences that I could transfer into if I could get the desired GPA. My final exams haven’t come back yet but I recently got an email that said my application to SAS was denied so that basically means I got kicked out. It’s not official yet but it may as well be. I recently went to the doctors and I was told I have depression so that makes sense as to why I’ve been so off. I haven’t been myself at all in college. I’m out of state so I fly back to college in about a week where I will probably be forced to move out. This obviously has me very upset and I have no idea what to do. I’m asian so my parents don’t really believe mental illness and dismissed my doctor when she told me to go to therapy and since I’m gonna he kicked out, I can’t use the school resources. So what can I do? Any help would be much help as I’m really lost right now and I’m dreading the conversation with my parents about telling them I got kicked out as they would be understably disappointed 
You have no choice. You may dread it but you have to come clean and tell your parents about your status. Besides the fact that it costs money to fly you to a college that you will be kicked out of, where will you live? What will you do? Your parents will be disappointed, but that’s a reality of the situation. They will adjust and hopefully find a way to help you.
Just tell them, and let them know what you have been going through. I suspect people who don’t “believe” in mental illness change their minds at least to some extent when it’s about their own children. You’ll need to take some time to work on yourself…to me, it sounds like you are burned out. I personally would get a job and work for 6-12 months, get some counseling, then start to make a plan about the future.
Good luck, you can work this out. Not everyone needs to take the same path.
I agree with the earlier posts. In addition, it might help if you think about taking gap time. There are wonderful things that you can do when you’re NOT in college. This might be a difficult thing for your parents to understand at first, but you can point out that gap time isn’t “wasted” time – at least not in the USA. USA students are not in a race. There is no timed finish. You don’t need to graduate at a certain time. Gap time allows you to do many things all of which, in a way, put you ahead of people your age in college. They might be “ahead” in terms of getting a degree, but they will be “behind” in terms of learning life skills and on-the-job training that you will have. (Life skills include things like paying the rent, finding a job, networking, showing up for work; getting a bank account and learning how to invest, writing a resume, etc.)
As a parent of one child who is in gap time, I can honestly say –
- It’s a little scary for the parents because they are afraid that the child won’t continue to grow and prosper. You can help your parents adjust to this by telling them Do not worry! I have a plan and the plan will help me grow and prosper.
- Here are things that can reassure them (and maybe yourself) by helping you to get a "plan" -- ---- Do an internship with the SCA -- The Student Conservation Association has internships, long and short-term, year-round, for students your age. They have a variety of topics and opportunities, everything from counting prairie chickens in Texas to helping with sled dogs in Alaska or doing archival work in a museum in Massachusetts -- https://www.thesca.org/serve/young-adult-programs
---- Get a job near your house – you can work at nearly anything and can learn valuable skills. Even taking a volunteer position is useful, maybe with Habitat for Humanity, or volunteering for your nearby school or church/temple, or food bank.
___ Try workaway.info – this organization allows you to travel and live in a home or in an inn. You work for a few hours a day and that pays for your lodging Sometimes it also pays for a meal or two. There are many opportunities for work near and far, everything from farming (remind your parents that farming is related to agricultural science and other sciences that you might want to study when you return to school) to running a inn to helping with yoga retreats to childcare (all of the above relate to academic programs and you can remind your parents that you are gaining valuable sklls).
____ Try coolworks – that’s a website that lists places to work for PAY around the USA. Many of the places also offer lodging. You pay a nominal amount for lodging and you work on the premises in often beautiful locations.
____ Try volunteer.gov – some of the positions offer housing. Use the search engine to find opportunities.
___ Try Americorps programs including FEMA and NCCC etc. This includes work, a uniform, a place to live and funding for college once you complete the program. Use Youtube to find out more about these programs, how they work. There’s a video about how to best complete the application.
In the end, you can help them to understand that you can improve your college performance by learning where your heart lies. My gapping child we all "thought* was interested in studying a type of science. In the end this child, through working, has found an interest in accounting. We were all of us hugely surprised. Never would we have considered this for this child. You similarly may find a love of a subject or profession through taking time and trying new things. When you’re ready, then go back to school. Taking time out from school is so common that the USA colleges have programs for what are called “nontraditional students.” Womens’ colleges and other top schools have programs for nontrads. Because you were in college, I would suggest telling your parents that your plan includes something like: 1) taking gap time and working to figure out your best direction and learning life skills and job skills; 2) when the time is right, going to community college to raise your grades; 3) applying for transfer programs to schools that have your desired area of study.
Having a plan will help them relax somewhat. Don’t worry. You will be okay. Really and truly.
I think you should call your school and talk to someone in academic advising (or the equal to that). You don’t yet really know all your options. I’d start there. While staying in your parents’ home for a semester or gap year may sound like it would be a good option, it is quite possible that it isn’t the best option. So before you do anything else, pick up the phone. Call your school. But before you do that, decide if you would want to go back if they said you can attend for this semester. You want to know all your options to avoid premature foreclosure on any one of them.
I agree that it would probably be a good idea to consider the possibilities discussed above once you know what the school may have to offer.
I second that: contact someone in academic advising today. Find out if you really are going to be removed from your school now, or if you have another term, or any other options. Know what’s up now, not once you go back to school. You need to know where you stand.
If you are removed from the school, or if you decide to take a semester off, use that time well. If you can get your health back under control, you may be able to return to this school, or else apply to a community college and rebuild your transcript.
In addition, you have medical insurance, yes? If so, you can arrange for weekly visits to a counselor on your own, without having your parents involved. They will know about it; but your insurance should cover a certain number of visits, and you can pay the copays yourself if your parents won’t agree to do so. Is this an option for you?
Do you know any other students or people who are roughly your age, who are from your same community/ethnicity, and who have seen therapists/counselors for mental health issues? If so, perhaps talk to them about how they dealt with their parents. It may even be that you can have their parents talk to yours. I’ve seen that help in similar circumstances.
- Tell your parents everything
- Contact your Dean of Students and tell them about the depression diagnosis and ask about a retroactive medical withdrawal. (its like the last semester didn't exist (except you paid for it))
- Get your mental health under control.
- Perhaps return to community college to see how you can do.
- If you do well, then consider transferring to another college.
Excellent news! You now know the reason for your academic failures. You will be able to deal with this and move on.
Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Whether your Asian parents recognize mental illness is irrelevant. You are the adult and you own your own life so you need to believe in it.
If it’s serious enough, your doctor will prescribe an anti-depressant. It can take 1-2 months for it to start working. It’s important that once it starts working that you also seek out therapy from a psychologist. It will be important for you to develop cognitive strategies for dealing with your depression, and once you have mastered them, you may be able to taper off anti-depressants.
Don’t let your parents bully you. You need to take care of your mental health one day at a time before you are able to take care of your academic future. This could be 1 semester or it could be 1 year. Don’t rush it, it will be there when you are ready. You do have an academic future if you want one.
Honestly, this is what you can do. Tell your parents. Get your head straight. See if you can submit an academic appeal and what you plan to do to correct the issue / have resolved your issues. Maybe even find a job and work for a while so you can self-finance yourself through one semester to prove to the school you can handle your crap. If you can’t get in that way, you can try and go to a community college and take your time there to build your academic record and then transfer.
Were your parents paying for your college or did you have financial aid?
Oh my God, you poor kid. I don’t know if you’re still reading this, but you will get through this! Depression tends to be episodic, and things will get better. You need to tell your parents. Yes, Asian immigrant parents are stereotyped as being very hard on their children, and not understanding mental health issues, but you are theirs and they love you, want to help you, want the best for you.
I agree with a retroactive medical withdrawal, if it can be done, and then a leave of absence. You need to go home. Are your parents involved with any kind of a church? If so, perhaps you can go to the pastor of the church for help in getting them to understand your need for mental health counseling, possibly medication?
Once you are home, you need to get some kind of a job. If it’s not too late, you should enroll for some classes at the local community college or local state college, take something you really enjoy. You need to build a track record of academic achievement in something you love. Then you’ll probably wind up transferring, possibly to your flagship state university, to finish up.
Don’t despair! This happens to more people than you know. Many of them are able to get back on the academic horse and be very successful. It happened to me - and I still became an MD. It happened to my sister while she was in law school - and she wound up finishing and having a successful career in law. It happened to many people I know while they were in medical school - and they still came back and finished, and went on to practice successfully. You are not the only one, you will get better, you will still have a bright future and a successful career. You will be okay.
Now, if you’re reading this, and haven’t called your parents yet, go call them. And go see the school counseling office tomorrow. Good luck to you.