<p>Here's the deal. I didn't want to go to college to start with. I had to move back in with my parents, and I thought I'd try it because of my scholarships. I was on antidepressants for a month and a half after the start of the semester.
It gave me insomnia and agoraphobia and did not fix my emotional problems. I do not talk to anyone on campus. I don't even want people looking at me. Because of my illnesses, I have severe limited memory and concentration, but my parents refuse to put it on my school records so I am now failing at least 3/4 classes. They will blame me for it and call me lazy when that is not the case. I am miserable and they don't care.
I hate being around people all day, I hate being expected to concentrate on the work, and I hate trying to memorize things. I take notes, sit at the front on the class, and I'm always on time and attempt to participate. But I cannot remember deadlines and my anxiety is too high to talk to my professors (who wouldn't care anyway; it's none of their business).
I don't even know what my options are at this point. I cannot "suck it up", "man up", or change. I'm sick, and everybody in my family is in denial about it even with my doctor and a therapist saying I need treatment. I cannot get treatment on my own because I don't have an income or a job.</p>
<p>Get some source of income.</p>
<p>First of all, don’t try and use it as an excuse. Just because you suffer from depression/anxiety doesn’t mean you cannot succeed in your classes. I’m not saying it’s all in your head or that it doesn’t affect you, but the way it reads right now is as a “out of my control” sort of thing. And it isn’t. You can learn to cope with it, even if you can’t make it go away.</p>
<p>People: Unfortunately, you’re going to have to learn to deal with them. People are everywhere… no matter where you work, you’re going to have to talk to someone, and there will be people around and you will need to interact with them. Personally, I find it a lot easier (anxiety-wise) to sit in the back or towards the side of the room. If your anxiety about other students affects you during class, think about what causes it (what thoughts go through your head, why do they bother you?) and see if you can think of a way to lessen that anxiety.</p>
<p>Memorization/deadlines: Write it down! Get a calendar, planner, app, whatever. Every time you get a new due date, write down the assignment, class, and when it’s due. Then just be sure to check the calendar everyday so you don’t forget things. Maybe make it part of your morning routine, or a put a sticky note on your door if you have trouble remembering to check for due dates.</p>
<p>Talking to professors: Yeah, that’s kinda terrifying… they really do care about you, in my experience. They want you to learn, and they want you to succeed. Most professors are happy to see students in office hours and love helping them with things. I know, that doesn’t help with the anxiety. Do your classes have TAs? They tend to be pretty approachable, and because they’re students too they can usually relate to issues and always want to help you as much as they can.</p>
<p>Problems not on your record: I don’t have any personal experience with this. Is it possible for you to step in and get it on your record? You’re in college now, you should be able to file for DSP services or whatever on your own.</p>
<p>Treatment: Does your school have free counselling? Look into it, they might be able to help. They might also have ideas for treatment, or be able to help you get it.</p>
<p>I know, most of that isn’t what you want to hear. But you need to put in the effort if you want things to get better. If you can, pinpoint what causes you problems. If there are triggers that make your anxiety/depression worse, try to learn them so you can avoid it.</p>
<p>Alternatively, if you’re feeling brave, step out of your comfort zone. Force yourself into positions where you cannot avoid people, where you have to get up in front of the room, have to talk to your professor/tutor/counselor, whatever. And yes, the anxiety for it will drive you insane. Pretend to be confident, pretend that the anxiety isn’t there. Yes, that’s a really really hard thing to do, and yes, every part of your head will be screaming at you to stop and avoid people. But forcing yourself into social situations and to interact with people can help with the everyday anxiety, or at least help you learn to cope with it.</p>
<p>In terms of school/options:
- It might help to take a semester off to deal with things. Or rather, it might if you do something productive in the time off. If you’d be able to get a job somewhere (to save up for treatment/put yourself in people situations) or otherwise seek out treatment, this could be a good option for you. But don’t take a semester off to sit at home and play video games the whole time, that won’t fix anything.</p>
<ul>
<li><p>Drop out completely. On this board, probably not seen as a good option. Getting a job probably wouldn’t be any better for anxiety/depression than school is.</p></li>
<li><p>Stay in school. File for help if you want to/can. Get medication/treatment if you can, maybe find a part time job (putting away books in a library, dining hall, whatever) to help pay for it. Force yourself to go to counselling, or to talk to your professors, etc. This isn’t me saying “man up”. This is me saying that you should force your feet to walk you to the office and not let yourself leave without talking to someone. At some point you have to choose between facing your fears or failing a class… you just have to want one more than the other.</p></li>
</ul>
<p>Wow, that came out as a long and slightly mean post. Sorry! Hopefully some piece of it is helpful. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do!</p>
<p>There should be free counseling on campus at student services. Also ask to see the disabilities office and get more info on what documentation you need. Ask what is involved in getting a medical extension or withdrawal, if that is what your medical staff feels is best for you at this time. See if you can arrange a counseling session with your parents in attendance, to talk about the benefits of getting therapy and other help. </p>
<p>You need to reach out to your advisor and campus counseling, NOW. Good luck!</p>
<p>I’m not excusing myself. I have multiple personality disorder which is a great deal more of a hassle to deal with. Depression and anxiety just come hand in hand with it. I’ve decided to take a break from school because I currently cannot handle being in college. I never wanted to be here in the first place, and I most certainly will not sacrifice my mental health for the sake of a grade. I do enjoy learning and some aspects of the college environment, but for now, this is really not working. I’m tired of making myself miserable for the sake of pleasing others.</p>
<p>How old are you? Look IRL no one will hold your hand. If you want to drop out, do so. See what the real world is like than figure out if education is really worth it.</p>
<p>It’s good your doctor and therapist are behind you. I agree with some of the people on this posting that maybe your current school can help you get the treatment you need because you say your family doesn’t support it. I would also recommend you find a counselor/advisor and tell them about the diagnosis/lack of treatment to date so they can document it. They are not going to tell the world about your discussion, and then there will be a record of why this has been an unsuccessful semester for you in case you do want to return some day. Multiple personality disorder, anxiety and depression are a lot for a person to deal with. I wish you luck in getting the help you need, even if a lot of it comes from outside your family. Oh - and when you are feeling well enough for job hunting, you mentioned certain aspects of college that you enjoyed, so perhaps you can get a job at or near a college or doing work that connects to the parts of going to school that you found pleasurable. One more good luck to you! :)</p>