<p>Hello,</p>
<p>I'm going through a really hard time right now. It's financially shaky for my parents, and one of them may lose their job, which would be quite catastrophic for us. In addition to this, I've had a few recent deaths in my family, I'm holding down a part-time job, and I'm trying my best to keep up with my 16 credit course load. But I'm starting to feel this overwhelming pressure and anxiety of falling behind and keeping up.</p>
<p>I was supposed to have an exam today and a paper due today, but they were luckily postponed due to severe weather over here in the northern midwest. I should feel blessed for this extra studying time, but I already feel like I've wasted time and that it'll just get me even more behind.</p>
<p>In particular, I'm worried about this tutoring class. It's very hands-on, and we have to do readings, writing center observations, actual tutoring sessions, reflections, and all kinds of work. I've fallen behind with the reading, and I'm barely on par with the tutoring sessions. I have a lot due by the end of next week, and along with studying for the postponed test set for Monday and for another test next Wednesday and another next Friday, I think I'm going to lose it.</p>
<p>I want to do everything perfectly and full-heartedly, but I'm afraid that I'm going to slip during this hard time and then never be able to get back up. I've managed well so far, but I fear that I'm stumbling over the edge.</p>
<p>Any advice or words of wisdom? I think I just really need help with a plan that will help me cope through this. My poor parents have enough to worry about and I really don't want to worry them or let them down. Thank you so much for your time.</p>
<p>
This is commendable but can really trip you up. I have to assume you can schedule your time well. Keep that up. Allocate your study time based on how well you think you know the material and just go with it. You can’t be a perfectionist. It’s too easy to give up when you start falling behind. Keep up as best you can and try to make it through to the next rest spot and challenge.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>You have a lot going on, both tangible and intangible. Maybe you should consider dropping a class if it’s still early enough not to show on your record and it won’t delay your graduation. </p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>In a practical sense, it might be useful for you to make a list of the things you need to do for the tutoring class to catch up, and then make a plan for the next 5-7 days that gets it all done. But maybe you aren’t a list person, so try dedicating chunks of time to studying and catching up , as if it were an appointment or a job (which, if you think about it, having class is)</p>
<p>You can’t control your parents’ employment, and worrying about it is normal but only gets in the way. This is what adult life is like – lots to cope with all at once, with no directions on “how” to do that. Sometimes it goes well, sometimes it goes great, and then there’s a bunch of time where you feel crappy. It won’t always feel like this. Try to take care of the little things you can control — studying, sleeping, eating, getting outside, avoiding problem behaviors, —and the rest will become more bearable. </p>
<p>Perfectionism is for sissies 
It’s easy to reject anything that is less than what you hoped for, or give up because things aren’t perfect. The hard part is taking those things and making it work, anyway. You want to aim for excellence, not for perfection. Plenty of students have less-than-perfect grades and habits and they go on to have wonderful lives, and you will too. Just keep trying, and it will happen.</p>
<p>You have a lot of stress on you! Find ways to ease the stress. Divide up your stressors into things you can’t control and things you can. Your parents’ job situation is outside your control. The amount of pressure you put on yourself is inside your control. Perhaps you can take a leave from work, or drop a class? Now is not the time to strive for the “ideal” situation, but to figure out solutions that can get you through to a better time. </p>
<p>And speaking of that better time - try to look ahead to it! It could be in a few weeks when an exam is over, or a few months when a course is over, or even next Christmas. Picture a time ahead when all of these stresses will be behind you. It’s not that far away! Sometimes we just have to grit our teeth and push through something, knowing it won’t last forever. </p>
<p>Be kind to yourself.</p>
<p>You might ask your tutoring class professor for an extension on those responsibilities. I am not sure what this class is, but I know at my D1’s college they asked her to take a special English class after her first semester so she could become a writing center tutor. It was a GREAT campus job. Flexible, interesting, and she really liked her co-workers (good students). So if it is for something like that, it might be worth plowing through this semester!</p>
<p>I don’t feel from your post like you are drowning, exactly… but that you are worried that you will. You sound like someone who can plan their time and work, though, which is a really good sign. I would suggest that you draw out a schedule of the next 10 days or so, and figure out what you need to do to make it through. Then see if there is something you can postpone (like any of the tutoring items), or skip (can you drop a shift at work or two during this window?), or not do (any club or social events that you had in mind that you are going to have to skip)? </p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>If you walked into my office with this problem we would do two things. 1. Look at dropping a course. If you dropped a 3 credit hour class, you’d be at 13 hours and still full time. 2. Grab a planner and set up a realistic schedule. You would come back at least twice in the next week as we made adjustments. As you got better at keeping up, the meetings would become less frequent.</p>
<p>When you left, I would walk you out past the student health office, where I would point out the counselors and suggest you make an appointment so you could talk to somebody about the stress you feel regarding things back home. </p>
<p>Do you have an academic success center at your school? They’d love to see you now, early in the semester and before you get far behind.</p>
<p>I never really learned to study in high school. As I went through undergrad, Masters and PhD programs, I had to get better about it. I did finally start breaking my work into chunks and putting those chunks in a daily planner. That really helped make things more manageable for me.</p>
<p>For now, you might want to take the advice of “Feeling Good” author David Burns, “Dare to be Average”. Just slog through this.</p>