<p>To get straight to the point: my family is pressuring me to attend the most prestigious university possible for my stats (which they find inadequate), and encourage shouldering massive amounts of debt if it means more prestige.</p>
<p>They are unable to help me financially with college. Knowing I want to pursue a grad or law degree, I want to get through undergrad with as little debt as possible. Community college for two years then transferring has definitely crossed my mind (especially since I would like to be there to help out), but my parents refuse to put any thought into a school that is not an Ivy/ranked top 20 by US News.</p>
<p>A little backstory: my brother has autism and my sister was recently diagnosed with a learning disability. Basically, they've decided to depend on me to be successful and eventually support them. I can't understand their way of thinking, but I know our circumstances are tough, so I'm really trying to be patient and work through this.</p>
<p>Potentially something like $100k of debt before I even go beyond a bachelors degree is hard to swallow, and frankly, I'm unwilling to dig myself in that hole for my parents' contentment. They're resistant to compromise so far.</p>
<p>I hope that made sense, heh. I'm a little frazzled at the moment.</p>
<p>Well, your parents aren’t helping you out financially, so simply ignore everything they say. They aren’t going to pull their dollars out if you go to a “non-prestigious” school, since they aren’t contributing anything.</p>
<p>What year are you in now? Junior in high school or . . . ?</p>
<p>Your instincts are right–taking out 100k in loans to pay for college is stupid. I would look into 2 years of community college + transfer OR applying to places that will give you GREAT financial aid (in the form of mostly scholarships/grants rather than loans.) (One thing to consider is that 4-year colleges usually give better financial aid deals to freshmen rather than transfers. So my advice would be to apply to likely 4-years . . . keeping in mind you can always go to a CC anyway if none of the 4-years give you good enough deals.) If you post your stats and general location, we can help you figure out some good schools to apply to. :)</p>
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<p>Wow . . . I would tell them straight out that they aren’t going to mooch off of me. OFFERING to help out a relative is one thing but saying, “Hey bro, guess what . . . I’ve decided you’re going to support me for the rest of my life!” without even TRYING to do it on your own . . . yeah, NO.</p>
<p>Wow . . . I would tell them straight out that they aren’t going to mooch off of me. OFFERING to help out a relative is one thing but saying, “Hey bro, guess what . . . I’ve decided you’re going to support me for the rest of my life!” without even TRYING to do it on your own . . . yeah, NO</p>
<p>^^^^^^^^^ that is very harsh dont do that</p>
<p>basically just tell them about the law school admission process and how GPA and LSAT are most important. I told them about premed and this is how i got my parents to stop being prestige whores. basically they gave up their dreams for me going to a prestigous university for me to go to an university where i will be happy and get the best grades</p>
<p>Do they realize that any loans beyond federal student loans will likely have to be THEIR loans? It isn’t possible for a student with no income/credit history to borrow that much on their own.</p>
<p>You sound very savvy and mature, so unless you can get into one of the schools that promises to meet 100% of need or can find something close to a full scholarship, please stick to your guns and save the “presitge” schools for your grad degree. Maybe if they understand that it’s that degree employers will give most weight to, you’ll have at least a few years of peace! You can educate them on this and might also back up your claims with some independent sources - run the numbers through the calculator at finaid.org, for example, so they can see what the monthly payment on that amount of debt would be. You could also point them to the stories from actual borrowers on Project on Student Debt’s site…that should be enough to turn anyone’s attitude around!</p>
<p>Since they aren’t paying, then they have NO SAY! Seriously! You don’t need to compromise with them. </p>
<p>*
Potentially something like $100k of debt before I even go beyond a bachelors degree is hard to swallow, and frankly,*</p>
<p>A little backstory: my brother has autism and my sister was recently diagnosed with a learning disability. Basically, they’ve decided to depend on me to be successful and eventually support them.</p>
<p>Tell your parent that with that kind of debt, you would have no ability to help them out financially. Your money would be going to 1) your debt 2) your living expenses 3) spouse/children. There wouldn’t be any money leftover for THEM.</p>
<p>Also tell them that with that kind of debt, you wouldn’t be able to also afford law/grad school.</p>
<p>Your parents are VERY WRONG. They don’t know what they’re talking about. You have more wisdom than they do on this subject. Don’t argue with them. Just do your best at school. Apply where you’ll get the best deal. </p>
<p>What are your stats? GPA? SAT/ACT? If they’re good enough, you might get a scholarship?</p>
<p>Would you qualify for financial aid?</p>
<p>(How would they like it if you started pressuring them to go back to school, get a better education, so that they could get better jobs to support the family?)</p>
<p>I think you need to sit down with your parents and respectfully but unequivocally let them know how it’s going to be.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>You’re going to get a very good u/g education at THE LOWEST POSSIBLE COST.</p></li>
<li><p>You’re investing in your future, you’ve done your research on this, and you know how to make choices that will put you in the strongest position (financially, educationally, and in terms od quality of life) in the future.</p></li>
<li><p>You love your siblings and want to do whatever you can to be of help to the family. However, they are not your children, you are not primarily responsible for them, and these next 4-8 years need to focus, primarily, on preparing you for a successful productive future.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>It is not selfish to want to set yourself up for success in life in the smartest, most strategic way possible, and that is what you are doing. Don’t let your parents or anybody else “guilt” you into making or accepting choices that aren’t in your best interest.</p>
<p>If they plan to pay for college, they get a say (not final decision-- a say). If they aren’t planning to help pay, they dont get to dicatate your plans. Period. IF they are moochers, or potential moochers, less debt for you means more $ for them. Maybe they will understand that!</p>
<p>Wow, sorrel! I feel for you. I can’t wrap my hands around the reasons they believe if you spend more money on your education how that will benefit them financially!! You seem to be very well informed and grounded…good for you! I think you are thinking in the right direction with what will best suit you. If your parents aren’t going to help you financially, you need to make the best decision for yourself. I wouldn’t use any harsh words with them when explaining your case because they are your parents and even though they are looking at your college through rose colored glasses, you don’t want to damage your relationship with them. Hopefully in 5 (or so) years you will be able to look back on this situation and be very proud of yourself for sticking your ground, having some money to live your life and still having a healthy and happy relationship with your parents.
Best of luck to you!</p>
<p>DON’T DON’T DON’T do it, especially since your gut is telling you no. Are you a junior or a senior? If your stats are “inadequate” from your parents view, then you may not even be able to get into a Top 20 school. </p>
<p>I think the responses to this thread have been awful! I agree that if the parents aren’t paying they should have no say in where the child goes to college. However, calling parents “moochers” is disgusting. No culture is perfect, and this is one of the unfortunate negatives of American culture. In many cultures around the world, it is the NORM for children once educated and successful to take care of their parents when they become senior citizens. </p>
<p>I’m a born and raised, multi-generational American. There is no way I’d consider my parents “moochers” because they needed me to support them in their later years. No way I’d ship them off to a nursing home unless they literally couldn’t raise a hand to feed themselves or go to the bathroom. Otherwise, they are living with me and I will take care of them, if they don’t have the finances to support themselves. They aren’t “moochers.” They’re your family for Crissakes! Your parents!</p>
This doesn’t sound like the way people from cultures where it is expected that the children will care for the elders traditionally speak. Parents focused on the child going to a name school, regardless odf the cost, unwilling and/or unable to help defray the cost, with no expectation to help pay but every expectation to be provided fo by this individual/young adult doesn’t sound like parents who are loooking out for the best interest of their child.</p>
<p>I don’t know your specific situation, but it’s possible going to a prestigious school can be cheaper than a state school. If your stats are good enough to get into a top school that meets full need AND your family’s income is fairly low, it could work out. </p>
<p>If you are in that situation, look at the Questbridge program and schools that meet full need. We didn’t think it was possible to give our daughter the education she hoped for, but it ended up working for us. </p>
<p>Perhaps your parents aren’t concerned with the prestige, but instead are aware that many top schools have incredible financial aid for top students who have financial need. Our strategy was to have our daughter apply to such schools in the hopes she would get into at least one.</p>
<p>There will be a limit to loan dollars in your name alone. Everything else will require a co-signer and you would also need to agree to signing the loan documents. You, at this point, have no idea how your financial aid packages will be assembled. In a strange way, you are in control of the situation by virtue of the statement that your parents will not contribute. You are in control of which loans you sign and which you refuse to sign. Where they want you to go is, in reality, moot and dependent on where you can afford to go.</p>
<p>College_Query is correct, it’s not the sticker price, it’s what you pay after the discount. Some top schools will pay all need for worthy candidates. </p>
<p>More about our O.P. from another of his threads:</p>
<p>You don’t need to go to the most prestigious schools to make money. Sure, they may help open some doors for your first job or get you into a top graduate school, but it is definitely NOT a requirement. There are plenty of threads on this forum and many people have shared stories about this. You may want to gather several of these stories and show your parents. My wife and I both went to mid-level public colleges and now make more money than we ever imagined when we were in college. Prestigious schools are NOT the only path to wealth. Make good career choices and manage your money wisely and you’ll do fine.</p>
<p>He can apply to some top elite schools that give great aid, but in case he doesn’t get accepted then he needs to also apply to some financial safeties that will give him great merit for his stats.</p>
<p>If he’s a citizen/green card resident, he’s a likely National Merit Finalist. He could get a free ride at a few schools. Those can be his financial safeties in case top schools - like Ivies, Stanford, Vandy, etc, don’t work out. He needs to give up his school size parameter because that will likely hurt him for financial safety schools.</p>
<p>What state do you live in? Are you a citizen/resident?</p>
<p>" my sister was recently diagnosed with a learning disability. "</p>
<p>There are plenty of people with LDs who obtain higher education – even doctorates – or vocational education and are financially very successful in life.</p>
<p>Just because she has an LD doesn’t mean that you’d need to take care of her.</p>
<p>I don’t see any reason for you to bother to argue with your parents. They aren’t planning to help pay for your education, so they don’t need to have any say in it. No reason for you to bother arguing. That just makes it seem as if your parents would have some control over what you choose to do, which simply isn’t true. </p>
<p>You need to work with your GC and use the resources here on CC to find the most affordable and best college options for yourself.</p>
<p>Do you live on a farm? I’m wondering how you can be involved in equestrian activities.</p>
<p>Your stats are great. If you’re a U.S. citizen or a green card holder, your stats are strong enough that you should be able to find a full ride at a good college.</p>
<p>As a parent of a child with severe autism, I would add - </p>
<p>When need is calculated, it is difficult to predict whether schools will take the expenses involved in raising a sibling with severe autism into account. Many of our families have incomes that normally would not qualify for financial aid, but have not been able to save for college (or retirement) because of the extraordinary expenses involved in raising our disabled child. </p>
<p>When we realize that we cannot afford for our non-disabled child to attend colleges they might have otherwise qualified for, it can be a bitter pill for us to swallow, especially in this economy, when it is not hard to look around and see adult children without any disabilities unable to achieve financial independence. </p>
<p>Some of our families have been successful in appealing financial aid decisions, however, after our child has been accepted. And merit aid seems to have been tailor-made for families such as ours.</p>
<p>I think that the OP stands a very good chance of getting a full-ride in a prestigious honors program, however, and should apply to more than one of these as well as to schools he might have considered if finances were not a consideration.</p>