@indianguy1, what you’ve portrayed of your family life have led some people who don’t understand ethnic and minority cultures to believe you are in some kind of imminent danger. from what i’m sensing, is that you are not. this is a terrible time for you, i understand. you’re wishing your parents would get a divorce and be done with all the fighting. they want, want, want, from you, and you feel pulled and pushed and helpless. meantime, your grades are sinking. and you are worried about explaining your poor grades to prospective colleges. are you making D’s and F’s, how bad is it, you don’t exactly say. i just don’t think this situation is as bad as it seems on the outside. certainly, not to the point where you should be calling a government agency on your parents (or telling a psychologist at your school which might lead to this as well). i agree with the posters who have advised confiding in a good teacher. meantime, you should be spending as much time in the public library as you can, or attending special help sessions at school in order to lift your grades – and giving you a distraction away from home. turn all the negative energy into something positive, and look into a weekend volunteer job. and talk to your younger sibling about what’s going on. be helpful and kind to him/her. everything is going to be fine. stay strong.
Just to clarify, are these fights between the OP and his parents about school performance? And then a parent storms out for days? I guess I read this as parents fighting with each other and the one walks out. Which is an awful situation but is it the domain of child protective services?
@EarlVanDorn, the OP doesn’t actually state that he is the cause of his parents’ fighting. (since when do parents fight --to the point of one leaving the house-- when a child is not performing well at school?) it’s always about their own stress, societal stress, job stress, marital stress, the stress of raising children. and, it’s just life that kids get dragged into adult fights when everyone’s living under one roof. but there is simply no indication of abuse in anything the OP stated.
Agree, at least with this information I am not seeing abuse. It also struck me as wrong that a parent would storm out over grades, but perhaps we just aren’t understanding the situation with the very brief description OP gave. But I hope OP will speak with the school psychologist who can give much better support than strangers on the internet.
I think there are some details we don’t know.
I also wanted to suggest that the OP try to remove himself and hopefully younger sibling from home as much as possible. Perhaps you have a friend willing to host you at their house to do homework, or can you get to a library?
Teachers are also mandated reporters. Again, talking to anyone at school is serious business with potentially serious c onsequences. In fact, talking to any counselor is these days.There is no way for anyone online to tell what is going on, but I again want the OP to understand what might happen.
My grades aren’t so bad A’s B’s and a few C’s. I am a person that would like to get straight A’s and I know I can do it, this is dragging me down so much. I am just want to explain to colleges that my grades were affected by this and this is not who I really am. I am doing very well this trimester all A’s, 1 B+ because I spend a lot of time in the school.
But are you telling us that your parents are so angry with you over a few Bs and maybe a C that they just walk out on you for days? Or is it the case that they are having a lot of fights with each other and storming out on each other, which of course is upsetting you but does not seem like it would concern child protection services. Divorce is commonplace in this country and children are not routinely being removed from families where the parents are having that level of conflict.
Having to take care of a sibling is not that unusual.
No, they don’t really have a problem with B’s, they do however have problem with C’s and those are in the classes I don’t want to take. My parents love us, but they get carried away with arguing with each other.
@indianguy1, i’m sure they do! if they didn’t, they wouldn’t care so much about your academic success. deep down your parents know their fighting hurts you, but it’s hard to separate those feelings in the heat of the moment. find a quiet time to speak to one of your parents about it, away from the other. tell him/her how their fighting is impacting you, that you feel overwhelmed at school, discuss your fears and your ambitions. this is part of their learning, too, as parents. sometimes in this journey as parents we get caught up in the “raising” of children and forget to stop and learn about our children as real people. communicating better with your parents will also help lessen the anxiety you have about colleges, too.
What classes are the C’s in? Are they honors level classes? My older kid is now on the college prep track and doing okay. He dropped down from honors when the grades were slipping and the whole issue was very stressful. So we felt that backing off from that path was the only reasonable option.
It’s hard for parents who were educated in India to understand the schools here. I do feel there is a lot of competitiveness in the Indian community in the US. I feel it even though I have lived in the US since I was a kid, and my parents were not even the pushy types. I rarely discuss academics any more with my Indian friends.
If you have an extended family member to speak with in the US, that would be helpful. We are not sure if your parents arguments are about how to handle your academics or about their own issues. Perhaps, we can give you better advice if we have that info. But we strangers on the Internet cannot replace getting advice from a professional or a trusted friend or family member. And, yes, Indian families will not go to family counseling, as pointed out earlier.
And that makes things more difficult.
“It’s hard for parents who were educated in India to understand the schools here…”
No, it really isn’t. All they have to do is be open to the concept that their new country does things differently from their home country. It’s fascinating how those of us who are Americans can completely understand how other countries work.
Will this put me out of the running for NMF?
Will what put you out of the running for NMF? I thought you had issues with your grades and family problems, and now you are wondering about National Merit? I am stumped. Many folks on this board have taken the time to give good advice. But when the conversation abruptly changes, I am not sure what to think.
Yes, I am sorry that came off as really rude. I need to take the time to sincerely thank everyone of you that have responded, you gave me so much advice that has helped me. I took the time to go to my counselor today and explained her everything and she was very accepting. I have also placed into different classes for next trip. Thanks everybody for all your help!
@mathprof63 i was asking if the C’s i got would automatically disqualify me for NMF.
Too many C’s will be a problem. I am not sure about 1 or 2. Look through the NM forum, or ask there. Do you have a qualifying SI? (As though anyone knows what that is this year…).
i technically have 2, i retook a class and got a C, terrible teacher, to many absences not sure if the retaken C counts? besides I am a determined person and have gotten excellent grades so far this tri. Hopefully they like upward trends. Thanks for your response! @mathyone
If you have no luck with your counselor, go to the head of the guidance dept, or the vice principal. You need to be proactive. If you can’t make anyone aware of the problem, you can’t get help. Good luck.