Feeling bad about my decision

<p>So I am an international student currently enrolled at Reed College (class of 2018) and I am feeling pretty uneasy--bad-- about my decision. This is partly because I am getting nervous about the infamous workload at Reed but more significantly because I feel that I will miss out on certain things. When my friends post pictures of Trinity (CT), Union, Hamilton, Brown, Yale, Franklin & Marshall and the sorts, I see the typical, romantic college experience that I will miss out on. I enrolled at Reed for the most part because it offered the best financial aid, and because I thought was a pretty good fit and because of the <em>positive</em> things I heard about the workload (the campus looks pretty-ish too). My top choice schools were Vassar, Kenyon and Carleton, and I was admitted to none of them. It was pretty sad because all three were beautiful schools that I thought would afford me the "romantic" experience that I'd wanted.</p>

<p>Is it normal for me to feel this way? For the record, I was admitted to about four schools in the northeast and the midwest that promised the kind of experience I wanted. But it just seemed silly to pay $7-$10k/year more for any of those schools (one of them was Swarthmore, but Swat fin aid was pretty ungenerous and unwilling to match Reed's offer) when I had an offer from Reed. But in retrospect I'm wondering if I chose a school that wasn't really the best fit for me. Maybe I should have chosen an easier school (not Swarthmore, of course) so that I could have <em>savored</em> the college experience? Maybe I should have chosen a school that offered better balance of work and play? Maybe the extra $$ would have been worth it?</p>

<p>Is college really what you make of it? I just don't know if there is room to have a very memorable experience at Reed with all that work...</p>

<p>Having second thoughts and wondering if you can handle the workload and still have fun are natural feelings that are part of the pre-college jitters that many people get before heading off into the unknown. You will rise to the challenge of the workload and still have plenty of time to play. Admissions would not have accepted you if they thought you couldn’t handle the workload and they have great experience in these matters. You will work hard and play hard and bond with your classmates over the challenge and stretch yourself in new ways intellectually along with your peers and this is all part of the “romance” of college. Along the way you will meet lifelong friends and mentors, plus have plenty of dancing and parties and late night conversations in the dorm ranging from the silly to the sublime. Reed is an excellent college and will give you the wonderful college experience you seek, never fear. Also remember that you will thrive where you are planted. What you make of your college experience is ultimately up to you. Enjoy!</p>

<p>@ttm321‌ : It’s so shameful that places that are known to be more academically intense/rigorous have caught on to students as places where students don’t or can’t have a thriving social life and only “easier” grading or less intellectually oriented schools have students that can do and can. Students have bought this idea that it is one or the other and that high academic intensity (as in, anything much beyond the standard “well, it’s certainly harder than high school” is way too much and takes time for socializing) cannot go with a standard “college experience”. We’ve really slipped…However, I pose this question. Why do students at places like MIT and other top STEM schools seem stressed (like other students at selective schools for STEM) but typically do just fine socially and develop wonderful socialization traditions?</p>

<p>I feel as if this over-hyping of the “work hard, play hard” (basically most of such schools where grades are super inflated or the academic and social sphere are almost completely separate in the students’ eyes and academics are viewed more as a chore than a learning opp. by every single student on campus) environment of even some of the most selective schools have caused student to overlook or completely question schools that still primarily focus on giving all students a great academic experience and intellectual training as opposed to mostly just keeping them entertained for 4 years. Most selective schools pre-grade inflation were likely just like Reed. The “traditional college experience” at such places was managing very challenging academics and standards (thus requiring a deeper engagement with academics than today) all the while maintaining a solid social life. However, the current market punishes schools that remain this way, and favors those that primarily cater to the latter and offer rigor only to those who want it (IE, provides many ways to avoid high rigor courses and experiences in favor of more standard “still a bit harder than high school” sort of experiences) and can manage both.</p>

<p>Reed is a great school. Congratulations. Doubts are common, but once you are there you will most likely be glad you chose it.</p>

<p>I really think that you will love Reed. When we visited I left with the feeling that students were friendly and very engaged with each other and the work. The campus has iconically beautiful buildings as well. It sounded like having letter grades kept in a file and only shared if they get to a low level or if you asked made for a less competitive environment, so that most of the feedback you received was in narrative form. Reed also has a very high percentage of students who go on to get PhDs. Congratulations on having made what I would consider to be a wonderful choice.</p>

<p>Second thoughts are normal. There is no reason to think you won’t have a typical college experience there. Reed is a top notch LAC and my D’s friend who is a rising junior there is absolutely loving it. </p>

<p>What kind of things are you worried will be missing? Your other schools weren’t fraternity party/big sports type places - so while those things are missing at Reed, it wouldn’t seem to be important to you.</p>

<p>We visited Reed this spring, and it is gorgeous and very “romantic”. Its just about the greenest school I’ve ever seen. It appears to me to quite social and “fun” - albeit in a off-kilter/nerdy way. They have loads of dances on the weekends, themed housing, etc and tons of traditions that reminded me strongly of my own college experience many years ago. Its at the top of my daughter’s list because of the combination of academics and social life. </p>

<p>I just don’t know what to expect from Reed. There is such a romantic charm at Kenyon – something that would inspire great artists and writers, I imagine. I could feel the energy of Vassar’s campus and its students. At Reed, I don’t know… I just feel that it’s really intense and there is little energy left to devote to ECs and the sort. I just feel as though Reedies talk a lot but don’t take their voices to the streets and stuff…</p>

<p>However, I’m probably more of the academic sort than I care to admit. Not very artsy even though I want to be, not very active even though I want to be… I wanted a school that could help me become an artsy activist. A school that would inspire me. Although I’ve already made my peace with the rejections, I just don’t know what to expect from Reed. I just want a memorable college experience. Reedies, esp those in junior and senior years, didn’t exactly wax rhapsodic about their school, which was discouraging. Graduates say you learn to appreciate it after leaving Reed, but I want to appreciate Reed while I am at Reed. It would be sad to reach the top of a mountain and be so caught up by the exhaustion that you don’t take a moment to breathe and observe where you are. To descend and then appreciate the top … now that’s just sad. Vassar and Kenyon students seem to actively appreciate their ongoing college experience. The contrast just made me stop and think if Reed was the right choice…</p>

<p>I think you’re suffering from “the grass is greener” syndrome because you weren’t admitted to the schools you’re thinking are so much better for you than Reed. Swat, Vassar, Kenyon and Reed have more in common than not, and yes, your college experience is what you make it. Finding the right balance of work and play is up to you- no one else can determine that for you.
Don’t listen to what “graduates say.” They are not you. You say you are more of an academic, but want a school to help you become “an artsy activist.” Why do you want to be something you’re not? If you put you’re mind to it, you will find many ways to contribute to the Reed community as well as appreciate what it has to offer.
You applied to the college because there was something about it that spoke to you. Time to give it a chance.</p>

<p>It’s called “buyers remorse” and it happens a lot Also the “grass is greener” syndrome is in there too. Reed is a very fine college. Though Steve Jobs did not graduate from there, he always had a special fondness in his heart for the place, naming his only son after the school. Also went back for a number of things. I mention him as he is a well known sort of alum, but I know some others who went there and have loved it, considering it a major factor in their lives as to who they turned out to be. Not to say, everyone who goes to any school likes it, but your pick is pretty much known as a top rate school. </p>

<p>My daughter (who is an academic as well as an “artsy activist” toured Reed and loved it. She sat in on a class and had lunch with students. She said the students were engaging and energetic. All that she met were very accepting and social. It is a fantastic school in an awesome city! They have some neat traditions. They are one of the few schools with a PE requirement and the options are so cool (and a great way to let off steam and get to know people in a non-academic sense.) </p>

<p>D was wait-listed at Reed and it broke her heart initially but she has fallen in love with her second choice. Go in positive and give it a chance. I bet you’ll find your niche and enjoy it.</p>

<p>The decision is made. It was the best decision at the time given the information on hand. Now, go forward and be determined to make it work. Don’t think about what “might have been”. Continuing to “decide” after the decision has been made serves no positive purpose. Any of the other options would have had tradeoffs as well. There is no perfect college. Good luck. I bet you will LOVE it.</p>

<p>Despite the hype about Reed’s academic workload, it’s not more difficult than Carleton and possibly Vassar. Not certain what’s so great about Kenyon. There’s nothing near Gambier, OH which really isn’t anything - not the sort of location where an international has any place other than on campus.</p>

<p>OP is looking at the world through others’ rose-colored glasses. Unromantic American eyesores include Hartford, CT; Schenectady, NY; Providence, RI; New Haven, CT and Lancaster, PA - all places students want to leave after college. All that OP will miss out on is a crappy city.</p>

<p>Love it, Rhg3rd. And I agree fully, having been to all of those cities. </p>

<p>You made an excellent choice, don’t look back. For the record, Hamilton, Tufts, Yale, and those schools all have a pretty hard workload when you get to the nitty gritty of it. Reed is a fantastic school that will give you a great experience as an undergrad and there is plenty to do in Portland. The acceptance rate from Reed into top grad programs is very high and the campus is very beautiful as well. Many students find after a semester or two that there is no “romanticized experience” and that they will all have to work hard. Don’t let the “grass is greener on the other side” mentality inhibit you from having a great 4 years of undergrad.</p>

<p>To address a point raised by an earlier poster, pre-med or pre-law students or many students planning to go onto grad school (depends on the subject) want grade inflation to make it easier to get in, which is why schools like Harvard make it easy to get good grades.</p>

<p>Gee, maybe I should urge my D to look at Reed. It sounds wonderful!!! And hubby, who has spent time in Portland on business, fell so in love with it that he wants us to retire there.</p>

<p>Reed tends to attract student who love learning and get excited about ideas. I think you will find no shortage of creative, artsy types. You are missing nothing in Northfield Minnesota (Carleton) that you wouldn’t find at Reed (great grad school admission rates, wonderful sciences and attentive professors). Minnesota is brutal in the winter and the snow continues on and on and on. Reed is in a beautiful location with much more tolerable weather. Try to ignore friends. Jump into your new school and get involved. My guess is that you will be happy with your choice this time next year.</p>

<p>Anyone who waxes romantic about Hartford CT has a seriously skewed point of view. :)</p>

<p>^ Ahahahaha. But seriously OP you’re not missing out on anything</p>