<p>I don't know why, but I've always had this looming feeling that I'm incompetent. I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I can't help but to think all the time that most of the people around me are doing so much better than me. Even if they don't have better grades than me, they're doing some kind of EC which I've wanted to do but couldn't or they have some kind of talent, etc.</p>
<p>Next year I'm going to be taking AP Bio and Chem, and I'm also skipping a level in Russian, but I feel like this is nothing compared to my competition. (Being from one of the top high schools does not help with this incompetence issue.) I doubt I could be a USABO or USNCO finalist/semifinalist, or get any special recognition in Siemens/Intel/ISEF, and I'm no prodigy. Maybe I could win some prizes in Russian competitions and get a decent spot in All-States Orchestra, but that wouldn't be enough now would it? Not enough to stand out in a crowd full of overachievers.</p>
<p>At home, I'd always be told about how I don't do anything compared to everyone else in my school, and that even if my school is really good, there's other schools equally as good with similarly talented people. I'd be scorned about "barely having straight A's" and being told that "everyone in my school has a perfect GPA" which couldn't be farther from the truth, but there's still some people who have probably managed that.</p>
<p>I just... I don't feel like I could make it anywhere. And my parents always tell me that since I'm Asian, it's either going to the top or nothing becasue of discrimination. All I want is to not feel doomed already as a freshman. Someone help me please?</p>
<p>I’ve felt this way as an underclassmen too, but it does get better as confidence increases with age. don’t worry OP, you’ll probably have too much HW next year to worry about this anyways </p>
<p>I wish I could offer better advice, but I’m not very good at giving advice. just keep your head up and remember that you’re definitely not alone. I know it’s tough, but (as cliche as it sounds) it does get better. one more thing, this website is also full of overachievers so when you see people’s stats, take it with a grain of salt and DO NOT compare yourself to them. some of the things are just flat out impossible (as in, even the poster hadn’t honestly done them)</p>
<p>Ok, you are in no way incompetent. In my opinion, college admissions is one of the worst aspects of American culture right now. It is creating a bunch of kids who can’t just enjoy their high school lives - they have to constantly compare themselves to others and push for that extra thing for their app. The parents do nothing but add to the problem. </p>
<p>I have a couple pieces of advice for you:
Completely honestly, tell your parents to F off. Personally, I wasn’t able to actually start exploring my interests and become a good student until my parents stopped making decisions for me or telling me what I should be doing. This is your life, not theirs. It is your goal right now as a high school student to be happy, not to do chem olympiad or whatever will make your parents happy. Figure out what makes you truly happy and excited and then ignore all the rest.</p>
<p>2) Stop comparing yourself to others. I had a little bit of an issue with this. People always tell you ‘everybody is the best at something’. They’re wrong. Somebody will always be better than you at something so why not just stop worrying about how you compare to others and start doing things for yourself. You should want those straight As because you want to be the best student you can, not because other people would think you’re a good student. If there is one overarching piece of advice, it’s to be selfish during high school. I don’t mean to hurt other people or anything but I just mean to do things because they make you happy and fulfilled, not because your parents or teachers want you to do it.</p>
<p>I can’t relate to the Asian discrimination, as I’m a white male, but I’m pretty confident that the idea that because you’re Asian, you must be “top or nothing” is ridiculous. I doubt you’ll have a problem getting into good schools. HYPS, probably not, but that’s the same for just about anybody.</p>
<p>Have dreams and chase them until your veins pump battery acid. It was when I forgot that that I fell off and lost track of where I needed to be; I hope that doesn’t happen to you.</p>
<p>Any hostility from your parents is misplaced, just keep that in mind. And any hostility from peers is a coping mechanism for their own inadequacies, pay it no mind.</p>
<p>You’ll be fine, good luck. Hope this helps.</p>
<p>Thanks guys, it made me feel a lot better :)</p>
<p>I’ll try not to compare myself with others, at least, not as much. I’ve always had this problem that I think I could always do more- that I could always try harder or add a couple more things to do, etc. Maybe it’s because I’ve never felt like I’ve tried my best… But fortunately I do know if I’m putting way too much stuff to do.</p>
<p>Hey dude, I’m also Asian. My opinion is that you should not take what your parents say to heart. They just want what’s best for you, but (from my experience) Asian parents overreact to just about everything. If you don’t make it to an elite/Ivy, it’s not the end of the world. That’s something really important to keep in mind. Also, remember that you don’t have to be the best at everything. Even though I understand that you’re under an enormous amount of pressure, it’s better to aim for reasonable goals rather than push to be number one at everything if you don’t think that’s possible. You can’t win at everything, and there will almost always be someone “better.” I know that this sounds like a defeatist strategy, but if you accurately assess your situation you’ll end up being happier.</p>
<p>At my school, there are three or four very intelligent people who I accept to be smarter than me; I have no problem losing to them in ranking even as I try to beat them (we’re all friends). However, there are some people that try to take classes that are beyond their intellectual capacity and the results aren’t pretty. Moral of the story is to aim reasonably and ignore your parents.</p>
<p>you seem like you don’t feel special enough, rather than incompetent from the post. i associate feelings of incompetence with feelings of not being able to do basic human tasks, like drive or talk. but that doesn’t seem to be your situation! </p>
<p>I think bimbop’s advice is really great. The focus on the myriad competitions and your place in them is hard to resist, but it can be a really bad thing i think. There is real value to being the best or one of the best, of course, but if you aren’t one of the best - which most of us aren’t - then the best thing you can do i think - to be the best person that you can be - is firstly to resist worrying too much about being the best. that’s what i think at least - i really admire that trait.</p>
<p>so yeah that’s how you might start to stop comparing yourself with others at much - to think of doing that as being something that is bad. but you have to really believe it of course, be convinced that it’s not a good think to do, and by not comparing yourself with others so much you’re doing a really admirable thing.</p>
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