I see the OP’s perspective of being a “failure”. It is all about context.
If I am upper middle class and send my kid to an elite private school where the “average” kid gets into schools like Michigan, CWRU etc then it is not that those schools are bad and not desirable. It is also not a statement about other less fortunate people from less privileged environment who got into the same schools. It is that the student “failed” to take advantage of the opportunities given then the college. The parent might feel like a “failure” because they were not able to get the child to convert those opportunities into “successes”, if college admission is the yardstick.
By this yardstick, I am “failed” parent myself, because my child had these opportunities and spent enormous time on things like debate at the expense of grades and got into similar schools which are great, but not brag-worthy in elite-highschool circles. I don’t think I “failed” because he learned valuable skills through those activities and college admissions are largely based on the numeric profile if you an unhooked, non-URM. Holistic is just a code word to cover for liberal agenda/legacy/athletes etc.