<p>My daughter decided not join a sorority this year, she liked her roommates and they seemed to be fun and cool. She was concern at first because they all had boyfriends but they told her not to worry about that they also wanted to experience the college life. Well, we moved her in this past weekend and now Im getting the calls that they dont want to do anything. She feels like an outsider with nothing to do. All they want to do is sit in front of the TV. My daughter is very unhappy, how do I help her?</p>
<p>If she moved in this weekend, then it’s still quite early…</p>
<p>has she been attending the WOW week activities?</p>
<p>If not, there should still be some for the rest of this week. Encourage her to do them.</p>
<p>There may be a WOW activity tonight…encourage her to participate.</p>
<p>Classes start tomorrow, so she should start getting more busy then.</p>
<p>Also, “Get on Board Day” will be soon, so make sure she visits the different booths and joins some clubs.</p>
<p>Is she in the Honors College?</p>
<p>There was a party for OOS students today. Did she go?</p>
<p>Here’s today’s schedule
[Week</a> of Welcome](<a href=“Weeks of Welcome - University Programs”>Weeks of Welcome - University Programs)</p>
<p>Classes start tomorrow. Right now (unless the freshman have already joined something “big” like a greek organization, or the Million Dollar Band) things are just getting primed to start. When Get on Board Day comes around, encourage her to join the organizations that appeal to her.</p>
<p>There are lots of college kids who don’t hang out with their roommates. Encourage your daughter to participate in Week of Welcome events, go to Get on Board day and look for clubs and activities that interest her, visit the common areas in her dorm to meet people, and basically put herself out there. She’s also likely to meet other students in her classes. It may not be as convenient or quick as forming an immediate bond with a roommate, but she’s going to meet plenty of like minded students (including plenty of non-sorority girls) to spend time with. Which dorm is your D in?</p>
<p>Tell her to get out and explore. Perhaps it is working out at the gym and looking for exercise classes to join. Suggest that she join at least on club this week. She needs to be proactive and not wait around for her roommates. Shoot, if they see her out and about, they may want to join her.</p>
<p>The first few weeks can be lonely for some. Please let her know that she is not the only one feeling this way. And, the feeling it temporary. Encourage her to say smile and say hi to a stranger. One of my DD’s now has a BFF because of a smile three years ago. </p>
<p>We all have huge expectations of the first few weeks at college. Sometimes it doesn’t go exactly as we imagined, but with a good attitude and persistence, she will find her fit. Word of warning…don’t be offended in a few weeks when she doesn’t call you because she is too busy with her new friends! Hang in there mom…</p>
<p>scroll down for tonight’s and the rest of the week’s schedule.</p>
<p><a href=“Weeks of Welcome - University Programs”>Weeks of Welcome - University Programs;
<p>It sounds like she hasn’t been going to the WOW activities…why not?</p>
<p>I know this is difficult to hear as a parent and frustrating for your daughter. First, you’ll need to give it some time. If it doesn’t work out with these roommates, then she may need to switch rooms later if it cannot be worked out. Encourage her not to depend too much on her roommates for social interaction.</p>
<p>What does she like to do? She can check out organizations on campus during “Get On Board Week” or volunteer her time. The Rise School is a school on campus for exceptional children with Down syndrome paired with “normal” children. They love volunteers.</p>
<p><a href=“http://riseschool.ua.eduhttp://riseschool.ua.edu%5B/url%5D”>http://riseschool.ua.eduhttp://riseschool.ua.edu</a></p>
<p>Is she active in a church group? First Baptist Church has a very active student ministry for college students. Last night they went bowling and to Target Night. Tonight at 8:00 is Bible Study or EPIC. Thursday night is a trip to Summer Snow. Have her look up the number to First Baptist Church and give the College Minister a call…his name is Tim Simpson. There are plenty of students involved in the College Ministry. 
First Baptist Church is downtown near The Shirt Shoppe just off Greensboro Avenue.</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.firsttuscaloosa.org/college.html[/url]”>http://www.firsttuscaloosa.org/college.html</a></p>
<p>There is a such thing as spending too much time with roommates, and there is always a chance they are just not compatible. As long as they can get along, I’d hang in there and just look for a social set of friends. It may actually be that she is better to have friends other than her roommates. </p>
<p>Encourage her to spend this time learning her way around campus. I can promise you that she isn’t the only student in this situation. Encourage her to ask someone if she may sit with them in the dining hall during a meal. The RA’s generally have a hall activity during the first few weeks on campus.</p>
<p>Greek life isn’t for everyone. My daughter has no interest in it at all. She has friends who are both non Greek and Greek, although most of her social time is spent with non Greeks. Moving to campus for the first time can be a big adjustment. Encourage her not to sit in her room, not to depend on her roommates for companionship, and do not give up. Good luck! :)</p>
<p>Our experience is the opposite of yours. Our OOS S has hit it off with his roommates. They have participated in the wow activities, such as the night at the rec center and Target night, which he said was “great”. They’ve been going to dinner, playing basketball and meeting others. Would your daughter feel comfortable going to those types of events by herself, she’d meet a lot of other students who want to have fun and get out of their rooms.</p>
<p>Hopefully, once classes start, she will find students, who want to do more than stay in their room. Tell her to hang in there. Which dorm is she in?</p>
<p>ditto to all of the above.</p>
<p>there is plenty to do right now with wow week going on. she may have to step out and go to a couple of things by herself. even my D who HATED to do that kind of thing, did it. she is now living with a girl she met at one of the events she went to by herself during that first WOW week.</p>
<p>NOW is the time to get out there and meet people,while everyone else is looking for new friends, too!</p>
<p>Someone came up with an excellent way to get students out and meeting new people last year…I’m not sure to whom to give the credit. One night as I was chatting on the phone with my daughter, she received several urgent knocks on her door. When she opened the door, there were several students standing at the door out of breath. They were participating in a scavenger hunt of sorts and were supposed to trade an item for something better from the occupants of other suites within the tower. They swapped a bouquet of fresh flowers for a box of popcorn, candy, and popsicles. The boys in the group were thrilled at their new found treasures and were sure they were winning with that swap. What a great way to get to know others and have some fun! :)</p>
<p>No wonder you are a BamaConcernedMom! No one likes for their child to be unhappy. But hang in there. You’ve been given a lot of great suggestions to share with your daughter. I’m sure it is really hard for you right now. Kind of like knowing a child at camp is really homesick. But it will get better, especially if your D is willing to step out on her own. </p>
<p>There are a lot of organizations on campus. Surely one of them will interest your daughter. I saw your post in another thread saying that you didn’t realize joining a sorority was important (or something like that). Please know that while greek life is a huge part of the college experience for many students, it is NOT important for everyone. It does give an instant community but so do many other organizations. My D did not rush (yet I loved my own sorority college experience). If greek life isn’t for your daughter, she will do just fine without it. If she really wishes she had rushed, she might pay attention to a couple of new sorority chapters who will be coming to campus in the future. I don’t know the details but she could contact the Panhellenic office to ask (or pm ahpimommy from this board). Or she could get involved this year and then rush next year as a sophomore. </p>
<p>Hang in there! With classes starting tomorrow, she will be meeting more people. Perhaps she can form a study group from one of her classes.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your words of encouragement and support. My daughter is staying at the Presidential Village. For some unknown reason to me she has become very shy and this is so unlike her. My daughter has always been the popular kid the one everyone wanted to be with and now she feels lost. I guess she does not want to admit that she feels overwhelmed by the school. I have encouraged her to attend some activities and she has but nothing has come out of it. Thank you all for your help.</p>
<p>I think you just discovered part of the issue. She has always been the popular kid…the one everyone wanted to be around. This lonely feeling is very new and probably rather unexpected for your daughter. </p>
<p>She can be that person that everyone wants to be around again…she just is starting from ground zero this time. Again, encourage to seek out club and opportunities that she is interested in. She will be fine. This is just something she probably has never experienced before. I know it is heartbreaking right now. But, when you both look back on this, you will realize that she will be a better person for the experience. She is obviously a very social person…she has just been knocked off her game.</p>
<p>Make sure she tells you one good thing that happened each day. No matter how small. Don’t let her focus only on what hasn’t happened as expected. Hang in there mom… you will both be ok.</p>
<p>Hopefully with the start of classes tomorrow, things will change.</p>
<p>1) Have her join some clubs during Get on Board Day</p>
<p>2) Go to the Rec Center, join a class or two.</p>
<p>3) If she’s into acting, have her look into the College of Eng’g’s Theater Group…it’s called Col of Eng’g does ART… Many of the participants are NOT eng’g majors…being an eng’g major is NOT required…they accept anyone. </p>
<p>4) look into the service groups. There was a wonderful community service activity today, there will be others. </p>
<p>What is her major? It’s likely her major has clubs and groups associated with it.</p>
<p>I know it’s hard but things should pick up once classes start. If it helps at all this is so common, it’s a huge change from Chicagoland and honestly the instant “BFF” thing always puzzles me. The roommate thing may end of working out great or not at all. Just Please don’t worry that she’s missed the boat by not going Greek, once she starts meeting her floormates and classmates she’ll get a better lay of the land and things should pick up. We (as parents) always get the worst of the calls because we’re a soft place to land. My Chicagoland son was all over the place emotionally when he first got there. Of course if she seems miserable after a month then maybe some cause for concern, but I promise you there are tons of kids out there feeling overwhelmed and lost at this point. Hang in there Mom!</p>
<p>There is a suite of 4 guys from our area who live in Presidential Village. They are respectful, polite and delightful young men from great families. They’re hockey jocks but soft-spoken and not interested in alcohol. They had a friend pass away who aspirated on his own vomit after a night of drinking only 2 weeks ago. One of the guys was a pallbearer. I can’t express how sweet they truly are. I bumped into one of them last weekend on the Strip. He expressed that he was interested in meeting other students other than his room mates. Would she be the type to walk to the Ferg for coffee if a nice young man shows up at her door?</p>
<p>Making friends when you’re not Greek is really, really difficult. I have friends who are extremely involved in many different clubs and still say this. I know a lot of girls who rushed as sophomores because they had difficulty meeting people freshman year. It’s not impossible, but you do have to be willing to put yourself out there and try really hard to meet people. My closest friends are people I met at Bama Bound, my roommates from last year, and people I met through Greek life.</p>
<p>You really can’t be afraid to be friendly. Try to meet your neighbors. Get really involved in a club to the point where you’re spending a significant amount of time with some of the same people, not just an hour every other week for a meeting. Make an active effort to get to know people in your classes and try to get together outside of class, even if it’s just walking to Starbucks together after class or studying together before a test. Even if your neighbors/classmates don’t become your best friends, the more people you know, the more you’ll meet. Maybe they’ll introduce you to someone who becomes your best friend.</p>
<p>Just remember that everyone is going through the same thing. I’m a sophomore and I was Greek last year, and I still felt really lonely when I first got to school a week ago – my roommate this year has a boyfriend whom she spends all her time with, and all my other friends were busy with rush. If you don’t know a lot of people it’s easy to feel really isolated and lonely in your dorm, but that feeling will definitely change once classes begin.</p>
<p>I hope she gets out and pursues her passion(s). Most non-Greeks do just fine and there are more non-Greeks than Greeks on campus. But some people adjust to being away from home more slowly and this sounds like a major change for her. There are intra-murals, go work out in the rec center, take a walk and visit with some one when you grab a coffee or iced tea. </p>
<p>It is hard to shine when you’re among a lot of shinny folks! And UA is loaded with talented, beautiful (in more than looks) people.</p>
<p>I know how this must affect you! We worry so very much and I’d want to be protecting her, too. Maybe some of this is ‘girl stuff’ (sorry but that happens) and she is tired from the move.</p>
<p>Things will pick up. She’ll have to be the leader and get out of the dorm and maybe others will follow. We can hope the TV breaks. What’s the point of leaving home and watching TV???</p>
<p>Anyway, I hope you find peace and I’m confident your daughter will find her nitch. Hang in, MOM.</p>
<p>It’s important for freshmen to realize that everyone is feeling the same! I hope all the students reach out to each other and build relationships. It won’t show on the college transcripts but it’s an important part of the college experience and prepares you for life.</p>