So far, I have been deferred from my ED school and two other highly selective universities for early action. I really wanted to go to one of those places, and I can’t help but feel upset because I really loved those schools. I now feel somewhat hopeless about getting into a good university and am afraid of having to go to a school that I don’t like as much (which I got into already for early action). I really am afraid now of not getting into a school that I like and feel very discouraged after those three deferrals. Is there anyone else in the same boat as me? I am still waiting on 4 other schools that I applied to for regular decision, but those are highly selective and if I couldn’t get into my ED/EA schools then I doubt I can get into those. How can I get over this feeling? I know that it was only 3 deferrals from schools that were highly selective and that being deferred isn’t even that bad, but I still feel really upset over this and have lost hope for all of my other colleges.
from your posting history you applied to elite schools. You need to get over the idea that if you do not get into Chicago, Northwestern etc. that you are a failure. You are also an international student so that may have been a factor in your deferral.
I’m not an international student, I only asked that question on behalf of my relative.
Still… if you have let your self worth get tied up in getting into a “prestigious” college, you have set yourself up for disappointment. That is why we encourage students to focus their search on match & safety schools they genuinely want to attend – because they are much more likely to end up at one of those schools. Did you think somehow you were exempt dro low odds of admission?
I agree with the above posters. Chicago, Northwestern are not the only good schools in the nation. There are dozens of other top schools and hundreds of other good ones.
No reason to feel sad even if you did not get in (and in your case you were only deferred) as undergrad is only the first step of your future.
If you have the time and money, buy Frank Bruni’s book “Where You Go is not Who You’ll Be”. I read it and it is extremely insightful on the misconception that the prestige of undergrad is paramount to one’s later success in life.
Reading that should ease your stress.
A few years down the road, you’ll look at yourself and think how silly it is to stress about something you cannot control. In the end, no matter what happens, you will be going to the school that best suits you. Spend this time to enjoy yourself. Hang out with friends, spend time with family, because once you go to college, there will be less opportunities to do so.
I wish you the best of luck on your applications.
@gray7time , you need to look back at the college you HAVE been accepted to and think about why you applied. That might be where you go. If you applied to highly selective colleges and get into none of them, it’s because you just aren’t who they are looking for. It doesn’t mean you aren’t a good student or a likable person. Obviously the school that HAS offered you a place liked you. Now, stop the pity party. If you really can’t stand the EA school, there are still tons of colleges accepting applications. Go for a state school with an honors college. You still have lots of choice. Do not spend your lst year in high school feeling depressed over something you can’t change. Be proactive and find your best options going forward.
I read your common app essay for you a few months back and thought it was very good. You really revealed a lot about yourself in a well written, well crafted essay. The schools will see that as well.
A deferral means you are still being seriously considered, so no need to give up hope yet.
But the advice above is also good. Focus on the school that accepted you and the qualities that attracted you to that school.
Good luck. I will keep my fingers crossed for you
There are tons of amazing schools out there. If you didn’t get into some schools you targeted, then move on. You next four years will be whatever you make of them.
This is an article I’ve posted before and like a lot. http://www.thecollegiateblog.org/2013/07/24/student-stories/
@happy1 , great article, thanks! For more stories like that, I urge the OP to visIt the website college data. It is filled with dozens of interesting and inspiring student stories. A common theme is that many students are rejected form their dream schools, many students end up at their safety schools, for all kinds of reasons, and virtually all of them end up loving the school they attend. I would say 99% percent of the students have voiced the belief that you end up where you are meant to go.
Great article, @happy1
OP, @gray7time, now is the time to a) embrace the school you already have in hand and b) if you have any doubts at all about it, or want to be up the odds of having a CHOICE when April rolls around, consider dropping in one or two more applications to those schools that are still accepting them.
http://www.collegesimply.com/guides/application-deadlines/
(From that list, I’m a fan of Muhlenberg, College of Wooster & Earlham … others can speak to some of the other options.)
College is what you make of it, so your job right now is to set yourself up to make the most of it. That job may feel easier if you get some good news in April, but given the odds with selective schools, you need to lay the groundwork now for making the very best of a different outcome.
Didn’t you say “deferred?” If so, then there’s still hope.
thank you everybody for your help 
this makes me feel a lot better
OP, have you gone to the colleges website and researched what if anything a deferred applicant can do? I know that someone was suggesting to redo their “Why …” Or to send updates if note worthy to the admissions counselor.
@goingnutsmom Yes, I have already sent emails and updates to all of my colleges I was deferred from
I, too, read drafts of your college essay last fall and thought it was quirky and interesting. You came through as unique. As @choirsandstages points out, you have NOT been rejected anywhere yet. I don’t know what your stats were like, so it’s hard to comment on whether you are statistically in the ballpark for Chicago and Northwestern and the others you are waiting to hear from. And you did say you had an acceptance already, right? Good luck and keep us posted.
gray7 - You did great in HS, learned lots, are in the process of growing into an adult, so take a step back and realize all the things you HAVE accomplished! There WILL be a school you can continue to grow and learn at - so embrace this and do the best you can.
BTW - my D did go to Northwestern - and in her first job she worked with grads from Michigan, Michigan State, Carnegie Melon, Purdue, U of IL Chicago and even little Michigan Tech. So they all took different paths - but wound up in the same place. Good Luck!
“Even little Michigan Tech” – way to backhand a school. One of the four NMFs from D2’s class picked MTech because he loved it – he is a happy and successful junior engineering major there, and I would put him up against anyone in the workplace, including grads from my D’s highly ranked tech school. I know your point is that successful grads can come from anywhere, but insulting schools is not good form.
It may be hard to believe this, but things work out for a reason. You could end up a superstar at your safety, and that could open doors for you. Or you could still get into one of the schools you’d like. But whatever happens, your challenge is to make the most of it. That’s a real life skill!
I’m in the same boat as you… the people at my school are very judgemental of where other people go to college so if you’re smart and go to what is considered a “lower tier” school then you are looked down upon. It’s really hard to stay positive because all around me people are getting into top schools that are their first choices while I have only gotten into my safeties and probaby won’t get into my top choices. I wouldn’t feel this much pressure to get into a good college if the whole school wasn’t watching and people were less judgemental
jihihihi I know that is difficult, but try to view this as a character-building opportunity. A real mark of personal growth is being able to tune out others and not be dependent on others for validation. Many people chasing prestige need to do so because that is the only way they feel good about themselves. Being able to recognize and appreciate your own value internally will be a life skill that will come in handy the rest of your life.