Seeking Advice Warning Rant: 80% Chance I won't get Accepted to my ED Next Year

College Search & Selection
1

I’ve been feeling pretty defeated lately because I know I most definitely won’t get into U Chicago for ED next year. I have a 3.5 GPA, and although I go to a very rigorous private school, the caliber of people applying to Chicago are just amazing and definitely beat me out of the pool. I’m panicking because of this, and my mom’s response hasn’t been helping.

My mom doesn’t realize that there’s an extremely likely chance that I will just be flat out rejected for ED, and she just keeps saying stuff like “oh, when you move to Chicago” that are really bringing me stress. When I tell her, “hey could you maybe bring it down a notch, you might be jinxing it” as a light way to bring it down, she just says “Ugh, why are you so negative? Why are you already bringing yourself down?” And on top of that, she’s making me only apply to reaches and maybe two safeties. Although I’m happy to go to them, I still want more schools that I have a 50% chance of getting into.

Every time I bring up looking into more match schools, she just starts getting hyper defensive and angry with me. “You already have the two safeties, and you’re applying to 10+ others, you want to apply to more??” Yea mom, I do because maybe if we’d just remove some of these crazy reaches from the list, there’d be more room for other awesome schools that are more in my range.

She just thinks that because her friends’ children are getting into Harvard, Yale, UPenn, etc that I can too, without even looking at the differences between us. It doesn’t help that my brother completely slacked off in high school, did way worse, and yet still managed to get into CMU through football. My mom just expects that because I’ve tried hard, it means automatic admission, which is not how it works obviously anymore.

I just don’t wanna get to the end of April and fall into a state of depression because I’ve been rejected from 10+ schools, ruin any chance I have of enjoying the process, and to be honest disappointment my parents. I don’t know what to do. Any advice would be helpful.

2

If UChicago doesn’t work our there should be many fine schools you can get into as you have done very well. It sounds like you know what to do – craft a list with your guidance counselor which includes reach, match and safety schools. If affordability is an issue then run the net price calculators and factor that into your list.

In the meantime maybe talk to your guidance counselor and maybe ask him/her to meet with your mother, if your HS has Naviance data go through that with your mother etc.

In the end you need to understand and focus on the fact that there are a ton of amazing colleges and universities out there that can give you a great 4 year experience and get you where you want to go in life.

3

Stop talking to your mom about this. If you are negative and you don’t get in, she’ll say it was your negativity that caused it. Instead, just play along with her, be positive (to her), but have a list of schools that you’ll submit apps to the day you find out that you didn’t get into UChi. Have those apps and essays ready…just have to submit. Your mom won’t likely fight you at that point. She’ll think you tried your best, had a positive attitude, didn’t get in, so now need to add some more match/safety schools.

4

@happy1 thank you, I think that’s definitely something I forget there, and I will definitely talk to my counselor about it. Thank you for the kind advice ^.^

5

@mom2collegekids That’s really awesome advice as well! I can see that happening in my household for sure, and I’m definitely going to follow through with your strategy.

6

I agree that your college counselor could be a great resource and voice of reason for your mother. My guess is that if you are going to a rigorous private school, they have good college counseling.

If you are applying to 10+ plus 2 safeties and don’t have matches, I think you are applying to too many reaches. In addition to the 2 safeties, apply to at least 203 matches and cut back on your reaches by a few if your mom doesn’t want you applying to more.

Does your school use Naviance so your mom can get a better picture of the competitiveness these days?

I think you need to prepare your thoughts in a calm, rational way, and ask your mom to sit down with you to discuss them - nothing on the fly, standing around, while eating dinner. Ask her (and your father if on the scene) to sit down with you to just discuss this, as calmly and rationally as possible. Something like:
“Mom, I know you are trying to be positive and helpful regarding the college process but when you make comments like “oh, when you move to Chicago” it stresses me out more rather than reducing my anxiety about the process. I’m not being negative, just realistic. It is very competitive right now, especially for schools like Chicago. I As part of my trying to be realistic, it is important to me to apply to a more balanced list of colleges which I’d enjoy. I think you, dad, and I should ask Mr./Mrs. College Counselor to meet with us and discuss my list and my chances. I know you want the best for me and are just trying to be helpful. I really appreciate your love and support, but this is what I need from you to manage the process in a way that will keep me from getting too stressed out.”

7

This happens to so many kids with overambitious parents who care a lot about bragging to their friends where their kid is going to college. You mom obviously wants the best for you and she definitely should have input since she will be paying, but not letting you pick your own school list is basically sabotaging the application process. You could end up at a safety if you get rejected from reaches, when you would have gotten into better match schools.

Tell her that UChicago is a reach for EVERYONE and that she is stressing you out more by bringing up UChicago constantly. You can always prepare applications for more match schools, and if UChicago doesn’t work out, you can rationalize with your mom. I think something like 5 reaches, 5 matches, and 2 safeties would be a good proportion for you.

8

@Confusedlifeform You are going to have to sit with her and really discuss how admissions work. Explain than U Chicago is a reach for everyone and that you should waste your ED bullet on a school that is completely Out of Reach.

9

You could also encourage her to open an account here and ask for advice. We’ll set her straight. :smiley:

10

“In the meantime maybe talk to your guidance counselor and maybe ask him/her to meet with your mother,”
“You could also encourage her to open an account here and ask for advice.”

There are times in life where you know what should be done, but the people who get to decide won’t listen to you. In these cases, it is frequently a good idea to get someone else to tell the people who get to decide. This lesson will remain useful long after you are done with university.

You (with or without your guidance counselor) should be able to come up with a reasonable list of matches, then have the guidance counselor suggest them to your mom (even if YOU came up with the entire list).

By the way, I know one person who currently attends U.Chicago (a friend of a daughter). He is VERY smart and VERY hardworking. I don’t think that he ever got a B in middle or high school, and the A-'s were rare. He comes back during breaks and complains about how much work it is. It is a very academically demanding university for people who had straight A’s in AP classes and had 1500 on the (two part) SAT. Not only it is very unlikely for someone with a 3.5 GPA (which of course means very unlikely for 95% of the population), but it is not a good “fit” for 95% or probably more like 98% of the population. It is a great university for SOME people, but it is not a good choice for MOST people. Fortunately the admissions folks there prune out most of the “not a good fit” people, but there isn’t a lot of gain for you to wait for them to prune you out.

If your mom opens an account on CC, I would be happy to do my best to guide her towards a more realistic list. You can private message me with a pointer to the thread if I don’t respond in the first 24 hours. However, I suspect there are many more folks here on CC who would be equally willing to help! :wink:

11

“Explain than U Chicago is a reach for everyone and that you should waste your ED bullet on a school that is completely Out of Reach.”

This is entirely true and correct. However, just as important is the need to find a university that is a good fit for each individual student. Just going to the academically most challenging and difficult university that will let you in is a rather bad way to find a “good fit”.

12

Agree with thoughts in #1; I can’t imagine that having a side pile of applications is going to work very well as there are only two weeks between ED results and RD submissions. Are you believing that if you were denied at Chicago they would suddenly go along with your list of appropriate schools, and what happens if you are waitlisted - it’s not like you wouldn’t be applying to other schools as well.

You are absolutely right that a reasonable number of reach, target and safety schools makes sense (6 reaches, 6 matches and 2 safeties is a good ratio) and you are right that Chicago may not be a realistic reach for you; the process of determining what makes a reach is different for everyone - if you have a 34+ ACT or a 1500+ SAT it’s possible, but with a 3.5 GPA it’s not likely unless you have a hook like your brother had at CMU - and regardless CMU accepts a much higher % anyways so it’s not a fair comparison if they tried to make it.

So start the process now with your GC, using Naviance if possible, so that your parents can see what’s realistic. And remember. the school doesn’t determine someone’s future, what they do with while they are in school and then in the workplace does.

13

“80% Chance I won’t get Accepted to my ED Next Year”

The title of this thread actually is a bit off. The acceptance rate at Chicago in 2016 according to Google was 7.9%. Perhaps the “80%” in the title should be “99%”.

14

Read this thread, about a parent trying to find articles to help explain this to grandparents. Several good links in there. http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/discussion/comment/20649119#Comment_20649119

Explore and apply to a RANGE of schools, ALL of which you like. The objective should be to have a CHOICE when it’s all over. Guaranteed choice of schools you like (so that means at least two safeties, and a bunch of matches). Reaches are great, but they are NOT the most important part of this process. Good luck!

15

UChicago’s ED decisions come out in mid-December. You should be able to find attractive match/target schools with application deadlines in early/mid January (or later), in case UChicago doesn’t work out. It’s actually not a bad strategy to hold off on match and safety applications until after ED/EA decisions come in (as long as you pay attention to schedules, get the timing right, and don’t miss any early FA/scholarship deadlines.)

16

Does your mom understand that ED is a card worth playing ONLY if you already have the stats to get in? You seem to understand that there is almost no chance, but your mom doesn’t. I agree that you are wasting your ED card. I wish you would urge your mom to read this thread so she can realize that with a 3.5 GPA UChicago isn’t going to happen. Your one ED card is far better used on a college that you have good stats for and that doesn’t have an under ten percent acceptance rate.

I think playing along with her is a good idea, but I am worried about you wasting the ED opportunity. You don’t mention your test scores. I am thinking that with your stats, you might be able to have a couple of rolling admissions acceptances in hand by the time you have to apply ED. So maybe you should look at some schools where your stats put you above the 50th percentile and see if they do rolling admissions. Having even one acceptance early is a great way to relieve stress.

17

What’s the $ situation for college? Are you looking for need based aid, or does mom think you’ll get merit money out of UChicago? Or is she willing to pony up the money for full pay? If full pay isn’t in the cards, you may be able to use the reality of financial aid - with the help of your GC - to make your point about more appropriate schools to apply to.

18

@JustGraduate , good point. There is no chance OP will get merit aid even if admitted, which is unlikely. OP, you might want to consider some LACs if you can get a good test score. There are a lot of great ones and you may well be offered merit aid at some of them.

19

Just want to say that there are some high schools (limited) out there where a 3.5 GPA does have the possibility of an acceptance at schools like Chicago. Still a reach but not a outright impossibility. The OP’s college counselor and Naviance would be helpful in assessing the possibility in determining whether it is a reach or futile.

20

OP, have you taken the SAT, ACT yet as that would go a long way in determining whether Chicago is realizable or whether your GC should blow the whistle now and start to help you and your parents put together an appropriate list?