<p>Does anyone know if it would be possible for this student to get information from Social Security about the bio-mom? I’m guessing that they have documentation showing why she qualified many years ago for SSDI, and that it might be useful for college financial aid departments to verify that she is out of the picture and unable to pay for anything.</p>
<p>I’m no expert but I think the last thing this student should do right now is to try to find the mother that he has no memory of. The better energy is spent working with the colleges to establish clear independence.</p>
<p>Ready,
I lost one of my parents at age 25 and I thought I was handling the situation well – until I headed to the dentist for a “cavity”. The dentist said there was no cavity but I had an ache from clenching my jaw. </p>
<p>Your regrets are very normal part of saying Good bye. Along with everything else going on in your life, I hope you will find some time to learn about the process of grieving the death of a parent. It is very normal to have some major emotional swings – and sometimes it can blindside you at weird times. There are steps you can take to honor your father’s life and to help yourself navigate the months ahead. </p>
<p>I can appreciate that you would like a direct connection between the tutoring time and a particular college acceptance – but it may be that going to tutoring gave your Dad a confidence that you were going to have a path and be ok. You may have lessened any guilt your Dad had about complicating your senior year. </p>
<p>The tutoring is yesterday’s events. Late March is very dramatic as everyone sorts out the college options. By May the sun will be out and a path will be clear. Hang in there.</p>
<p>I was in a very similar position to yours when applying to colleges. My parents both died before I turned 17. In the middle of the emotional turmoil of those events, I also had the stress of needing to perform well academically. I felt that I was the one responsible for my future. That is a tricky position since many of my peers were rebelling and pushing limits. I needed to be working a part-time job and acing tests. I juggled all of my finances beginning in senior year in high school. When I reached out to adults, I could usually find someone to help. My older sister was very helpful but could not offer much in the way of financial support. The parents of my high school friends invited me to live with them for extended periods so I could finish high school. This adult guidance and hospitality made all the difference to me. It helped with that deep sense of mourning and frustration that you and I know so well. I did get accepted to many college with “workable” financial aid. I worked 20 hours plus per week during undergraduate school and my first graduate school program.
I received merit scholarships, loans, and work study jobs. I learned to be very persistent and communicative to keep myself afloat. One of the professors in my major at a big state school in CA looked out for me and offered me a TA position so I could work through graduate school. Another individual (a surgeon in the community) offered to be my pre-med mentor. At Stanford, the financial aid office helped me find a way to fund my graduate education. A women’s philanthropy group chose me as the recipient of their annual scholarship.<br>
I am saying that it is not an easy road. There will be support along the way. You are at the beginning of this process. Reach out to people. They will surprise you with their empathy and understanding.
I use all of this determination in raising my 5 children and working with families every day.</p>
<p>I’m no expert but I think the last thing this student should do right now is to try to find the mother that he has no memory of. The better energy is spent working with the colleges to establish clear independence. </p>
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<p>Very good advice.</p>
<p>I didn’t write my question very clearly. I didn’t mean to suggest that student try to find mother. I was wondering if the documentation necessary to establish independence could be available through the SSDI records.</p>
<p>Independence is already established in terms of the federal aid guidelines. The issue for this student is the individual schools’ policies, and it is wise for the OP to discuss the situation with each school to find out what will satisfy their requirements given the student’s unique circumstances.</p>
<p>Thanks for replies everyone. Wings: thank you to taking the time to write all that out. I really appreciate your thoughts and sharing your experience.</p>
<p>Two of my colleges abruptly said my folder was complete. Startled me…worried about admission. But I have a few who haven’t even asked.</p>
<p>Thanks all! I will keep you posted.</p>