<p>So, the kiddo wants to go to a boarding school, but we're going to need almost 100% FA to make it happen. First, our annual income is less than the tuition at some of these schools, and second, we have some medical expenses that eat up most of the rest of our income. Are there any other parents here who are doing the prep school/ boarding school thing that are in a similar boat? How much do the kids really need monthly, extra? Any schools particularly tough socially on scholarship students? Anything I should keep in mind as an outsider to the BS world while we're making our rounds?</p>
<p>Thanks. I'm the only person I know doing this, we're probably the only family in the county even thinking about boarding school, and right now this is the thing i'm most scared of- that the kiddo will get into some schools and we won't be able to send her.</p>
<p>I get free lunch at school. My single mom’s only income is social security disability. Our income for a family of three (Mom, me, and my older brother) is less than $20,000 in a state with one of the highest costs of living. </p>
<p>Needing full aid makes it so much harder to get in. Not just because of money needed, but because we haven’t had the same opportunities as our wealthier peers. </p>
<p>Stargirl, how many schools are you applying to? I heard a broad net that will get you what you need should be between 10 and 15 schools, but because we’re behind the 8 ball (sick family member means no time to drive the kid to sports or extra curricular activities, etc) we are applying to more than that. I didn’t know the 10-15 school limit when I started, so we’re applying to 30 schools, to try to get the mix of right fit + affordable. It’s basically a full time job for me managing to applications right now.</p>
<p>Are you going through one of the foundations that’s set up to help those of us from outside the private school/boarding school culture navigate the process? Apparently some of them will even help cover gaps in financial aid. One of the AO’s I spoke with had good things to say about the Jack Kent Cook Foundation, which I still haven’t had time to look into personally.</p>
<p>I found out about Jack Kent Cook too late and I don’t qualify for Prep For Prep or A Better Chance. </p>
<p>I applied to Groton for eighth grade. Can’t believe that was two years ago. Boarding school made its way on our radar in January, two weeks later the application was in. I was waitlisted. </p>
<p>I applied to 10 schools last year. 8 waitlists, 2 rejections. Applied late to 4 more. 3 more waitlists, and one that kind of left me hanging.</p>
<p>This year, my list is about 15. There would be more but I just can’t afford to miss any more school for visits. </p>
<p>I think there are quite a few parents here whose children are attending boarding school with substantial financial aid, as well as another cohort who are scraping by because they are putting so much of their income toward their children’s education. Many of us come from outside the boarding school world. Welcome. </p>
<p>As far as extra expenses, travel is the biggest. There are also expenses for sports (uniforms, equipment) and the occasional surprise fee (labs, etc.). It is possible that some of those expenses would be covered by financial aid, depending on your situation and the school, but you would need to determine that. Weekend outings would be extra (movies, mall, etc.) but my son seems to have no interest in those. He wants a little pocket money for snacks and sodas, but not much more. </p>
<p>I wouldn’t worry too much about the social aspect, either for your child or yourself. The kids come from all kinds of backgrounds and blend together well, according to what I hear from my son and read on this board. And if the adults wherever your child ends up are half as gracious at those at my son’s school, you will feel comfortable among them in no time. Good luck!</p>
<p>When my kid fell in love with one and only one boarding school… she was so excited, then she got the sticker shock. She said… “Mom this isn’t for me…”<br>
I said " That is no way to live in this world, so you deserve to ask for this"…
What came after was a big risk… to put herself out there with the very real possibility that we would not have the funds to cover tuition even with a big financial aid package. I often worried I had sold her on something that was impossible. Sometimes I registered I had promised her impossible things… on money we did not have, what a cruel lesson. Well it worked out!
Twinsmama is right… travel is a large expense outside of tuition… not only for your child but also travel and board when you go to support them. There’s always a solution if you are willing… it’s on you.</p>
<p>GMT plus 7 is right…although of course, the girls borrow clothes from each other all the time. There’s one dress I’ve seen on five different girls–and after making a comment that everyone seemed to have bought one, I was told that it’s just one dress, passed around the dorm. (and interestingly they do not all share the exact same body type or size) Beyond that, I’ve got kids here (I’m a teacher at a b.s.; can’t say which one) on 100% financial aid who get an allowance as part of their aid award. It allows them to go out for dinner, see a movie, etc. Many school activities are free, and our financial aid guy has funds to ensure that students on 100% aid get help with buying non-issue athletic equipment, etc. This summer I was talking to a boy on the football team who said that the school covered the costs to return to school in July for a football camp. I don’t know if he is on any aid or not, or whether the school paid for the whole team or just the kids on aid. </p>
<p>It’s true of my school, and in some ways even truer at the boarding school where my best friends teach that the institutions do try to keep issues of money from affecting the kids as much as they can. I think it’s an important question to ask schools how they handle it–no boarding school is new to the necessity of blending kids from widely varying income level families, and they understand how serious and important the issue is. I can’t imagine anyone in our admissions office having a problem with being directly asked how they handle the gap and how students manage. As for which schools are better–ask about how weekend activities are funded. (does the school drive a van to the mall and drop the kids off, does the school buy X number of tickets to a pro sports game or musical theater show and say 'first thirty kids to sign up get a free ticket." It’s probably a mix. Some schools also hire DJs, hypnotists, jugglers, and other entertainers to do free shows on campus.)</p>
<p>Beyond that, there’s not direct socioeconomic malice among the kids; just a lot of wealthy and upper-mids making honest clueless comments from their frame of reference. There are a lot of casual references to country clubs and European cities–not bragging references, but mostly “oh, everyone is familiar with this.” Another time there was a drive to collect “all the soaps, shampoos and lotions from your hotels over the holiday.” A faculty member stepped in and explained to the kids how they were making an assumption that was not universal and they quickly shifted the language.) The uber wealthy are the most discreet and careful not to broadcast their wealth, and for the most part, I don’t know whether most of my kids are on aid or not. Again, I’ve never witnessed any kid deliberately using their family wealth as a weapon to put anyone down, but teenage me grew up working class in a wealthy college town, and would’ve needed some conversations and preparation to be in that kind of a climate and not feel self-conscious. Even adult me felt like I was living in a foreign country with a different culture and language when I first got here.</p>
<p>Great post, Albion-- seems to be what I see at my DS’ school as well. They also cover costs of elective things like big trips over the break for language study, performance experiences or community service (if you’re on FA, they guarantee FA for at least one overseas trip during your time at the school). Who is or isn’t on FA doesn’t seem obvious at all, except, I hear, at OFF campus parties during vacations, especially among the NY area crowd.
The only other comment though is to GMTplus7: I do think girls care about clothes, but the boys seem to as well. It might be easier to follow dress cose cheaply (in general, a blue blazer looks like a blue blazer), but some boys seem very focused on the right brand. We know one boy on pretty full FA whose father says he just INSISTS on the right brands-- seems to think it’s the only way to be accepted ( which I guarantee from others’ experience is NOT true)-- so they spend a lot getting him VInyard Vines this and that-- spending more on the kid’s clothes than the dad spends on his own. Of course, this is just silly and unnecessary, but I’m just saying some kids feel the pressure from somewhere–including boys. I don’t think that’s universal by any means, but it’s not just among the girls.</p>
<p>I understand how you feel about this. My D is applying to ONE school only, as a day student and needs FA. If she does not get the required amount, she cannot go. Period. End of story. Sad, but true. She understands this and has accepted it. So, the school has to believe in her enough to invest in her… Good luck to you! </p>
<p>Thank you everyone for your input- my girl isn’t that interested in clothes (although that seems to be changing in the last two months, to my relief/sadness) but she is worried about appearing snobby or snooty in her current school. We’re comfortable, not on welfare or free lunch, etc, and she’s very careful about not flaunting her relative wealth, in a school where I’d guess half the kids are on free lunch. On the other hand that makes her aware of the converse- she’s very worried about being in a tough situation where the kids around her aren’t as thoughtful, or some of the mean girls rub things in her face.</p>
<p>I think, however, it’s a universal fear to not fit in, and it’s just at its peak in 14 year old girls. Especially since she’s a bright artsy kid in school where the other parents are shocked- SHOCKED- I won’t let her stay out till 11:00 at night to watch the middle school football games, on a school night. That they schedule them that way says more about what the district thinks of academics vs. football than anything else I could say.</p>