<p>I'm stuck between a rock and a pickle (or whatever the expression is), and I thought that I could get some advice here.</p>
<p>I'm 18, and recently my relationship with my parents has degraded to the point where living in their household has become a nightmare. I don't want to make them look bad, since it's not really their fault - simply a product of their upbringing. We're a South Asian immigrant family and my parents and I have extremely incompatible views when it comes to how life should be led, and my father is of the absolutist mold that will not accept anything but his own opinion. He considers much of what is normal life in the west to be abjectly immoral and holds his children to an impossible standard. At this time, we're not speaking, for the completely silly reason that I have a girlfriend, which falls against "our" (as in, the pre-ordained family) moral code.</p>
<p>I don't want to make any rash decisions, and I know I'm young and that things might settle down in the future, but as I know my father, he is not going to change his opinion. As such, I really have no intention of returning home once I leave. The problem is, emotional baggage aside, I'm financially tied to my family.</p>
<p>Most of the schools I've applied to offer only need-based aid, and my family is quite able to absorb my college tuition without sweating financially. There is, however, this sense that in a year or so, I will be completely estranged from these people, and I have no idea what I can do. The easiest thing is to just swallow my pride and take their support, however, that support might not be there by my sophomore or junior year.</p>
<p>Is there any way that I can have financial aid assessed independent of my parents' wealth, or am I bound to their money if I want to go to one of my top schools?</p>
<p>Unless you become an emanicipated minor (that means that you have no contact with your family at all, and receive nothing from them at all), you are considered a dependent for financial aid purposes regardless of where you live or whether you agree with your family or not. If it were as "easy" as you are saying, thousands upon thousands of college students would say "my family and I have come to loggerheads and I (the student) can no longer live with them" in efforts to become independent. Clearly that is not the case. Having said that, there ARE situations where the student can demonstrate that they are independent from their families...but it is not an easy process and must be done for a prolonged period of time. And you must also show that you are able and are supporting yourself on an income generated by you. This may sound optimistic right now...but have you considered that the separation of going to college may be enough for you and your family? In other words, perhaps once you are living at college, their views may not be quite as "in your face" as you are thinking they are now. Many high school students don't agree with their parents (not minimizing your situation, but this is true) and they find that they can become more of "their own person" once they move out to go to college. Some find summer jobs at their colleges and go elsewhere on breaks too.</p>
<p>Yeah, I basically assumed this would be the case. I do believe that the separation of college will do a lot to quell the day-to-day difficulties of this sort of situation (which I understand is quite common). The more serious issues, however, will probably take hold as I get into my mid-twenties, issues such as career choice, finding a partner, typical life issues, just escalated by the friction that already exists. My parents feel it is their responsibility to educate me as best they can, and have done their utmost to do so up to this point, and will continue to do so. The question I'm asking is almost moot, since I doubt I have the tenacity or sheer blind stupidity to try and sever my ties with my family. I feel it's an issue that will come to a climax around the time graduate school rolls around, and by that point I most likely will be able to put myself in a position that will allow me to be more independent.</p>
<p>I don't want to try and sound unique or in a desperate place, I understand that many high school seniors are where I am, but my situation is less "disagreement" and more "total estrangement," a notion with which I've been threatened in the past, if I fail to meet certain expectations.</p>
<p>Keep in mind that in most cases, once you have received your first bachelors degree or are age 25, you ARE considered independent for finaid purposes. Also, by the time you are making those "life decisions" of spouse, career, etc, you will likely be out of college also. As students get older, they DO become more independent from their families...that is what is supposed to happen!! That you say "My parents feel it is their responsibility to educate me as best they can, and have done their utmost to do so up to this point, and will continue to do so" is a good thing in my opinion...and that is what parenting is ALL about. As parents, we do what we think is important for our kids...then we hope that they can mesh those values with what fits in with their own values as life goes on.</p>
<p>Girlfriend
Parents footing bill for my education
Girlfriend
Parents footing bill for my education</p>
<p>Tough decision!!</p>
<p>I dont mean to poke fun at your situation, but there are plenty of parents who believe in the golden rule or at least a certain version of it.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>"He considers much of what is normal life in the west to be abjectly immoral "</p>
<p>Makes me wonder why he would bring his family here, if that is his feeling. Or if he felt he had no choice than to come here, then why would he think that raising a family in the west would not cause his children to absorb western values? Culture and values clashes are a tough issue. I would be careful about doing anything that causes a permanent rift. I don't think you would be able to be independent for financial aid purposes.</p>