Finding Your People (and Thereby College) Where Your People Are

College Search & Selection
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I am a parent, trying to guide my junior S as he formulates his college list. By far, the most important thing to us is that he go to a place where he has a good connection with his fellow students. Over the years, I have learned that the people he connects with are those who are genuinely kindhearted, warm people. These are his people. It doesn’t really matter if they share his interests, or politics, or background, or ethnicity, if they are artsy or nerdy or social. What matters is that they are gentle, kind, empathetic people. Think the type of person who finds America’s Funniest Home Videos to be cruel.

This priority presents a bit of a dilemma because how do you search for a school that attracts this type of person more than other places? The best I can come up with is to ask on here if anyone has personal experiences with a school that seems to have more than its fair share of kind, gentle souls.

S is one of those “average excellent students” per @Lindagaf, possibly with a small hook. Good grades and scores and ECs, but has not done anything that will knock your socks off and not a natural leader. At this stage, interested to hear about any school that fits the above one criteria, other than the Ivies and the may-as-well-be-Ivies.

Other details. He doesn’t care about weather. Thinks he prefers somewhat of a city rather than rural. Geographic region is not a priority. Obviously doesn’t want a cut-throat environment. Won’t be getting FinAid, able to pay full price but of course, all things equal, would choose a lower price over a higher price. I imagine a LAC would suit him best but could be wrong.

A few disclaimers. I am not saying that this criteria should be a priority for anyone else, it just is for us for these 4 years. I am not saying it is necessarily the best thing to surround yourself primarily with people of this same characteristic - but for a variety of reasons, at this specific time, this is what we are looking for. I am also not disparaging anyone who is not uber nice; not claiming this is the way to be - it just is the way S happens to be (definitely has its downsides).

With all that being said, anyone have experience with colleges that seem to draw more than their fair share of warmhearted students?

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Of course, those people are everywhere, but you might find higher concentrations within certain majors instead of in particular schools.

I’m not sure if service-oriented is a good proxy:

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St. Olaf comes to mind. I don’t have a student there, but we met and spoke extensively with several students and recent graduates during our son’s college search process and they shared a sort of calm, kind attentiveness that was appealing. I have a good friend who is a St. Olaf graduate, and he has this quality as well. Our research on the school also suggested it may be a kind and welcoming environment. Schools do have personalities.

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Will check that out - thank you.

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@tkoparent I have heard good things about St. Olaf. Thank you for that insight on the school. Hoping we will eventually be able to visit, but in the meantime will fully explore the virtual resources.

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As you would expect, kind & gentle will be less in evidence at colleges with a strong reputation for having a highly competitive student body- but even at those there are genuinely kind and gentle people (and of course, even at kindest, gentlest, least pressured school there will be people who are unkind).

So, don’t put the cart before the horse: first figure out schools that are a good fit for him overall: learning style, academic interests, ECs, particular characteristics (type of campus/degree of urban/regionality/size/general conservative/liberal balance, etc). Then vet them for campus culture. Maybe start with the Colleges that Change Lives group and see if any of those appeal?

For a match/safety consider Gettysburg or St Olaf. If the religious aspects fit, Pepperdine.

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Seems like he would have a great personality for a physician… but the pre-med process selects for competitiveness instead.

What academic interests?

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Here are a couple more ideas. I realized there is some crossover between what you are describing and what we were looking for in putting together an initial list for our S19. He has a different personality but had grown up overseas and attended international schools. For his first experience living in the US, I hoped he could find an inclusive, friendly community where he wouldn’t find himself having to deal with a student body divided over politics, athletes vs. nerds, etc. Another school we looked at was Rice - - maybe take a look if his stats are at that level? Although it is a highly selective school and not an LAC, the students we met seemed very laid-back and friendly, and the school prides itself on having a collaborative culture. Yet another one that intrigued us was Whitman College, in Washington state, although it would have been too hard to get to Walla Walla from where we live. Whitman is an excellent school and seems to have the kind of atmosphere you are seeking. Although I am originally from the Northeast, and we looked at some schools there, the top schools in the region tend to have very competitive cultures. Among the schools we visited, Bates was an exception and might be a good fit. @Lindagaf can probably tell you more about Bates if that is a school your son might be interested in.

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In terms of friendliness and warmth I’d definitely suggest Ithaca College. Others that spring to kind are Lewis & Clark, and Bennington.

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Take a look at schools associated with the Bonner Scholarships. Earlham is one and is super friendly. And they do a great job of med school placement.

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You may want to look at Jesuit schools. Not for the religious aspect, but because a number of students choose these schools for their commitment to service.

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I second the idea of investigating the Jesuit schools. Not all of them will be a match, but some seem especially … nice.

Also, check out St John’s College, which has two campuses, one in Annapolis MD and the other in Santa Fe NM. It is a bit of a unconventional reading/books curriculum, but many students seem to be well prepared for graduate school afterwards. All of the information I’ve gathered indicates the students are kinder and gentler than what you might see in a college movie.

Lastly, investigate public LACs. Off the top of my head William & Mary, UNC Asheville, St Marys in Maryland, Truman State, and New College of Florida pop to mind. These generally have smallish enrollments compared to other public universities, and from what I have learned seem to have … gentler (for lack of a better word) environments than larger louder public universities. There are more of these across the country. One benefit for you is while many of these are excellent educational institutions, almost all will cost significantly less $ than most private LACs.

My S20 was turned off by the atmosphere at UNC Asheville because he wanted a different atmosphere. However, it seems a good fit for my D24 because she is a quieter, more introspective, more polite person. Not that S20 is rude or even impolite, but D24 is in a completely different realm of being polite and kind - sounds like your child’s natural state of being.

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A good list to start with is “colleges that change lives”. They tend to attract the types of students you describe. You can find them all over the country. See link:

https://ctcl.org

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S18 was looking for something similar. His list included a lot of Jesuit schools as suggested above. He felt the “nice kids vibe” at Sacred Heart, Ithaca, and Assumption. He ended up at Brandeis where they put a big emphasis on social justice and inclusivity. After acceptance, he went back for an admitted student visit and connected with some students. He was impressed with one student who took the time to walk him to his destination when he got a little lost and asked for directions. (It’s not that big a campus but he inherited my lack of direction! )

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I second Jesuit schools. Two of my students in particular stand out for being the type of person you describe. One of them attends Loyola Chicago, which might give you the urban environment your son wants, but she also was considering Holy Cross, which I recommend. @wisteria100 can give you info about HC. The other student is currently considering Earlham, Allegheny and Dickinson as his top choices.

It seems reasonable to consider schools with a lot of community engagement and high numbers of volunteerism. There are lists online. I would also consider Siena, Susquehanna, and Bates. My D is Bates grad and there is a lot of community engagement. Students are friendly and collaborative.

I would honestly deprioritize the urban thing. Sooooo many kids think they need to have that, but the reality is that their activities, food, friends and beds are on campus and they spend a lot of time there. Kids who attend really urban colleges have a city as a campus and spend a lot of money going out in the city. They don’t have as much of a traditional college experience. Not to say that those students aren’t happy.

Edit: agree with @tkoparent that Whitman is a good choice. My D applied to Whitman and considered, then years later became friends a a group of Whitties on her study abroad program. Great people.

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I second @tkoparent suggestion of Rice University in Houston. Rice is located the museum district in Houston. There are lots of things to do close to campus. Rice gets high marks for happiest students and race and class interaction. The students there are collaborative not cut throat. My daughter is a student there, and she comments on how nice everyone is. Even if a student is a bit nerdy they are accepted rather than bullied. Rice does not have the Greek system, but has an inclusive residential college system instead. Each student is assigned to a residential college where they live for 4 years. Each residential college has a cross section of different types of people: athletes, musicians, STEM majors, humanities majors, architecture students, etc. Rice also has excellent academics rivaling some of the Ivies.

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@hifidelity Both of my kids also prioritize kindness in themselves and others. You have gotten excellent suggestions upthread regarding LACs and Jesuit schools. We were very impressed with Saint Olaf and “kind” was the main impression I took away after our tour, both on the part of the administration and the students we met. Of the Colleges that Change Lives, College of Wooster (OH), Earlham (IN), Centre (KY), Rhodes (TN), Knox (IL), Lawrence (WI), Beloit (WI) also have a reputation for kindness.

In addition to Whitman, maybe give U of Puget Sound a look.

All of these offer merit aid for strong students, probably a maximum of around 30K these days.

Some may claim that schools with a lot of social justice/change the world/do gooder types can be unkind if the political liberalism shades into intolerance or self righteousness. For example, there are a lot of assumptions like these about places like Macalester and Oberlin, which our family looked into. If your son ends up looking into these schools, I recommend on campus visits, if they could be arranged. In person we found them both to be very kind, compassionate places. But not everybody is the same.

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Geesh, I wish I had found CC earlier, I would have encouraged D21 to also look at Rice. It gets many positive reviews here & sounds awesome.

First, good job for looking at culture. Some temperaments simply require it, in my opinion. All can benefit from a healthy environment & the world needs kind people, but some with intensity in one+ way or another, can do well with a more gentle and values-oriented culture. Can eventually grow to be quite the force for good… :slight_smile:

After a pretty wide search for 2 years and it becoming increasingly evident our daughter needed an environment that she can continue to challenge herself & stay active, outside of a competitive-oriented culture, she landed on Pepperdine. An idealist, she would have had much in common with interests of American U students (her og pick Jr yr where she did get in) but that intensity all-around right now probably would zap some of her energy. Editing to add: They do offer Living Learning Community to freshman however).

She loves the friendliness of Pep students and the warmth of professors, who know students by name. And loves that this values-centered culture carries into their study abroad program often led by campus professors at their own international campuses.

Life-giving experiences all-around. But is not in a city. Mountains, ocean just outside LA. It is expensive. Approx 10% of highest gpa get top merit. Some departmental awards. Athletes…

Might want to look at Hope College as well. Known for its friendliness & we definitely experienced that when there last year. Right in their lovely town with whom they have a great relationship (on beautiful & large Lake Macatawa). Relatively not difficult to get merit and other awards.

Both are Christian schools that are open to all who like to be non-judgmental, warm, and service-oriented. Good luck!

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@ucbalumnus. He enjoys history, literature, theater, music, physics. He is a strong math student, but it doesn’t interest him that much; doesn’t dislike it, but he is not particularly engaged by it. Strong public speaker, but does not like the spotlight - go figure.

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@collegemom3717 Will look at those - thank you.