I took the lead, but my son and I were working together on this. Nothing wrong with you being involved. And it’s not true that they don’t want to talk to parents, particularly if your child signs a waiver allowing you to talk with the school, disability office and/or counselor. My son did that. He and I didn’t care about sharing his grades, but he certainly has always been fine with me being aware of his medical and mental health issues as well as his learning disability accommodations.
He attended Penn for 10 weeks. When we visited during his gap year and then when we flew to drop him off, we met together with the disability office. It was perfectly acceptable. When he began to struggle, I stayed in communication with as many people as I could. Penn was fantastic in that way. Yes, they expect the student to be proactive; I was 2600 miles away-nothing I could do. But I could definitely stay in communication with them to see if there was anything he could be doing better that I could encourage him in.
Unfortunately, it was too much for him, and he came home. Don’t be intimidated out of being involved and being supportive if you and your child feel it would help her be successful at school. That’s not helicopter parenting; that’s just plain parenting.