First day after college and now I'm feeling depressed.

The entirety of this was too long so I had to break parts of it:

It’s a long story, starting all the way back from when I first started school. I am 18 years old with Asperger’s and I wasn’t as excited about college as the extroverts in my high school were. In fact, I may have been the only introvert. That aside, though. I am very depressed now that I started college because I feel so alone now that I’m on my own. How did this happen? Well, yesterday, in English, our professor asked us to write down what burns inside us. I just said that I wanted to be understood and loved for who I was as a human being. During my college process, I started getting worried because I live in the suburbs and the college is all the way in the city, so I have to commute and take the train there and later back home. My mom is finding an apartment in the city for the both of us to live in. No, my parents aren’t getting a divorce, but I’ll get to that. Rather than go to a depression forum about this, I figured that it would be best to vent about this on a college website, particularly this one. Onto the subject:

I am a very shy person, and I rarely open myself up to others, especially in class. If you were to describe my life, it would best be labeled a “tragedy.” Since I was diagnosed with Asperger’s (High-functioning autism) at the age of 5, that was when I first learned to speak. I only learned how to comprehend things by observing others. My first pre-school was composed of bullies and terrible teachers. One of them who was later arrested for child molestation and drug possession. I knew this because it was on the news. I can’t tell if I was molested or not because I didn’t remember it. That probably meant I wasn’t molested, anyway, but it still left a scarring image in my mind. My parents also started not getting along with each other due to money and relationship issues. I can’t say how much each person makes, but I’ll say that my mom is older and makes more money than my dad. I refer to them as mom and dad because my heart is composed of a lot of long-gone childhood innocence that I wish to keep. I’m probably not even Ivy-League material anyway because I don’t refer to them as “mother” and “father.” The only way I can do this is by staying abstinent from drugs and alcohol and “dank memes.” I spent my summer watching those and Family Guy videos because I was too depressed to do anything and I was too busy with my job, so a lot of it had to do with quick thinking and multitasking; something that I couldn’t do. Sometimes I ask myself if my writing is good or not because I’m too much of a failure to begin with.

As I progressed in grade school, I had a hard time coping with and understanding other students and was often pushed around due to my mental illness(es). Therefore, my mental illness made me an outcast. My grade school in the city that I grew up in almost half of my life became defunct due to insurance fraud and being too expensive. The church, however, is still available, meaning that it was a Catholic School, a label that would stay with me until 12th grade. As my family and I moved to the suburbs, my sister and I would wound up going to an Elementary School near our house. Bullies still persisted, both students and teachers. My 3rd grade teacher even called me a “big baby.” I had difficulty understand social cues and the conflicts between my family would grow worse and worse. Later in 3rd grade, I had a tutor (I forgot to mention that I had a tutor in 2nd grade). Two, actually. One of which was nice and the other a big fat bitch (sorry if I said that). The first helped me from 3rd to 4th grade a lot with my problems but we had some trouble communicating with each other. The second helped me during 5th and 6th grade and was downright stern and evil, and would threaten to call my father if I wasn’t doing something right. She would also keep a journal for my progress to keep track of what I was doing, whether good or bad. One time, during midterms, I was reading my journal and a bunch of students were snickering and I said to them: “BE QUIET! I’M TRYING TO FOCUS!” My tutor thought that I was talking back to the teacher, so she wrote that down and framed me. I forgot to mention a few things regarding my family, so I’ll get to that in a minute. Every day, she’ll put her journal in my backpack for my dad to see. When he saw what was written in the journal, my dad threw a fit and said: “GODDAMNIT” while slamming the folder on the ground constantly. My dad also said “YOU’RE GOING TO LIVE NO LIFE” after having a record of bad grades that all required a signature. He also threatened to send me to military school, due to my bad grades.

As for my family, my family got into a multitude of fights. In 2007, my parents were fighting about taxes and were afraid of going to jail. My dad got so angry that he slammed the door and broke a coffee mug which nearly injured my sister. I couldn’t vividly remember the entire fight, so please forgive me. In 2008, my family was fighting about something, but this time, it was mainly due to their personalities and their relationship. That was when I remembered that they repressed their feelings for each other, which is why they don’t want to bother with one another because they don’t have a lot in common. My mom taught my sister and I not to be like our dad at a young age, meaning no eating cheetos or junk food in the morning and no golfing. In fact, my entire family hated me, which is why my grades were low most of the time, even if I had the potential to do better. However, coupled with the notion of growing up in an urban area, I had immense difficulty in school and life overall.

Due to the impending loneliness, I began to talk to myself, in which I would later develop symptoms of OCD. I read more often and isolated myself from others. I was often picked last on the kickball team and was terrible at sports. My comprehension skills were weak, yet I was very good at math. However, one time, in 6th grade, my tutor said “You’re not doing your way, you’re doing it their way” when I was doing a math problem. I honestly felt that my way was easier because I knew it was. Later in 6th grade, my relationship with my tutor would get worse and I would later stand up to her abuse by slamming on the table when asked to move and later cry about it because I was scared. The tutor would later be removed from the staff and I would be on my own for the remainder of my school career. After I graduated, I spoke to a neurologist and therapist. The former was terrible and the latter became underused. In August of 2010, I was falsely accused of hitting my mother when I wanted to play video games. When my dad intervened, he said: “So what do you want me to do, beat the shit out of him?” After my mom convinced him to yell at me, he called my name down and asked me if I hit her. While we pushed, she was the only that started it, so I can’t say it was hitting. Not to mention, she was taller than me. I said yes, even if it was a lie, then my dad charged right at me and threatened to beat me up. He threw me across the floor and said: “MOVE!” I ran upstairs crying and my entire family called me a monster for what I did. It was almost as if I deserved it. My dad took a drive and called me a child and a failure and threatened to send me to military school if I did not follow a set list of requirements like waking up in the morning and taking a shower everyday. My parents believed in the philosophy that everyday showering is important, even though it isn’t.

As I graduated from elementary school and went to middle school/junior high, I reverted back to Catholic School and had to follow a school schedule which I had difficulty following. I was bullied constantly and later got into fights which ended up physical. I made a couple of acquaintances in middle and high school, but never any real friends. I was beaten up and pushed around a lot and the teachers did nothing to intervene. The only good teachers that did intervene left during or after my middle school career. Therefore, I was alone. My teachers couldn’t teach and didn’t explain how things worked properly. My skills in math reversed and regressed and I got scared of math teachers because I found them too intimidating. However, my skills in english got better. In 7th and 8th grade, when I got a science test or quiz or pop quiz back, I had to get my parent’s signature and sometimes I would come home so scared that I would let my mom sign it or I would sign it myself. Usually, I was the one that signed them. In 8th grade, when I failed a religion test/quiz, my dad started to cry and said that only a “retard” would fail religion or something, idk, I don’t remember much of the details. During middle school, I made a youtube account to find friends online. I joined a forum, which I would wound up being cyberbullied and such and would stick with me until the end of high school. I remember one time a teacher said to me: “Button up your shirt.” I did that and the next time he passed by he said: “AND YOU! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO BUTTON UP YOUR DAMN SHIRT!?!"

As I reached high school, a lot of things changed. I went to a private middle and high school which were of the same branch and I was unable to stand up to my abusive teachers or bullies because I had a very strict dean and if I dropped out I would’ve risked going to a bad high school filled with black kids. Yes, my parents were racist, also. This led me to distrust people overall, especially people of diversity. My school also had a reputation for cocaine and cocaine trafficking, and even the most prestigious students were infamous for possessing cocaine. K-9 units would be dispatched to sniff out every locker open so they can find the perpetrators holding the drugs. Students would also come and go and would often stand up to abusive teachers like my math teacher(s), especially in freshman year. In freshman year, while I was retaking a quiz, a student ripped apart his scantron and my math teacher said: “The hell do you think you’re doing?” He responded by saying “What I should’ve done years ago”, signifying that he was a senior who attended his class. The two fought and they chased one another, where the student tried to escape the school by entering the SUV, but the math teacher pulled him back and dragged him to the dean of student’s office. I never saw the student again. I remember when my biology, math, and guidance counselor teachers would say that the school wasn’t a fit for me because I was different from the rest of the kids in class. The teachers knew I had asperger’s, yet they didn’t have the materials to help me with my difficulties. My biology teacher would later leave because he kept setting the chemistry labs on fire. I was picked on by my Composition and Grammar teacher and lived under the fear of my MS Office teacher, who had a deep voice and often scared the everliving shit out of me. In sophomore year, students began acting childish in chemistry, one time, and I tried settling the dispute, but my Chemistry teacher blamed me and told me to shut up. He then told me to see him tuesday after school, but that never happened because he forgot. In november of sophomore year, I was invited to a Christian leadership workshop but I didn’t have enough time for my essay, so I plagiarized it because I didn’t have enough time. I was caught in december and was put on "academic probation.” In January, my depression began to hit me and it felt worse. I’ve been depressed since I was 7 or 8; almost a decade fill with sadness. This would alter the entirety and latter half of my high school career. When I failed geometry, my guidance counselor threatened to call CPS on my Dad because I wasn’t seeing a therapist, yet, my family was finding one. I later spoke to a therapist, but was too afraid to tell her about myself.

After the meeting, my dad was so upset that he planned on sending me to the school he mentioned before. In junior year, my teachers were far worse than I could’ve imagined. I had to teach myself spanish since my spanish teacher kept saying we were going to fail (sometimes pass) every test or quiz he gave us and my physics and math teacher couldn’t teach math. We had an intervention in December and my dad said that my academic career was going to be “shot”, which sounded kind of weird since it didn’t make any sense. My grades were so bad that I was at risk of expulsion. Also, I was planning to go on a Kairos trip, but my dad told me to cut my sideburns. He didn’t exactly say which length, so I shaved it all off. He got extremely upset and prevented me from going anywhere with my shitty haircut. My parents would also make fun of it and it became sort of a stigma. Whenever I had EDLINE updates with bad grades, my dad would tell me how much of a terrible person I am by saying I am good at manipulation and misdirection like a magician. It made me break down into tears. My dad was often enraged and would say things like: “YOU DON’T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ANYONE BUT YOURSELF. He even made a “contract” in december of junior year which mom, dad and I had to sign, preventing me from having any fun. After Junior year, I went to summer school for History and Physics, which was weird because Spanish, Math, and Physics were my main priority. I forgot to mention that my history teacher was also bad as well. In fact, 90% of the teachers there were terrible. Senior year was much better, though many of the scars still remained. The violence at my home was escalating to the extent that I couldn’t bear it anymore. I later reported them to my guidance counselor who later called CPS, but it made me so guilty that I wanted to commit suicide. I attempted suicide 3 times and tried to self harm but failed at it. Two of them were with a gun and one of them was with a blade. My mom also began to develop psychotic-like symptoms. She would often threaten me with a knife or a spoon and would yell in the office in which I worked at very often. The co-workers did nothing to intervene. I saw a psychiatrist throughout Senior year and the summer and I haven’t gotten any better. I feel so ugly.

As I graduated and prepared for college, the scars of bullying and abuse stayed within me. I planned on going to community college so I can have a real education and go to a decent university like Rochester. I spoke to an academic advisor on how to prepare and told her about my difficulties in life, though not all of them. Since yesterday was the first day of community college, I experienced a lot from two classes. My math teacher kind of scares me and I heard that he gives out pop quizzes. I already received the syllabi and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I can be in his class. My english teacher is nice, but it’s been a while so I have to get used to some things. Would you like to see my class schedule? Also, what do I do? This took me nearly two hours to finish so hopefully I’ll get some responses. I just don’t want to feel like a failure. I’m going to have to do my homework now so thanks for your help.

Okay, first of all, welcome to College Confidential!

Second – try to take out anything in your post that turned into asterisks. They kinda crack down on most swearing here. You have 15 minutes from the time of posting to edit your posts.

Third, I can’t tell from your post if you are in a position where you feel safe. Are you actually alone / away from your abusive parents? Are you seeing a therapist/counselor/psychiatrist of some sort? If the abuse you have suffered continues to occur, it might make doing well in your classes very difficult, and first priority should be your physical and mental health.

Finally, as for the classes – have faith. Most people are varying degrees of nervous when starting college. It can seem like a big adjustment. But even if it’s harder, YOU will get better. YOU will adapt. Trust in yourself, your work ethic, your intelligence. You’ll do great.

Don’t feel guilty that you had to report your parents…something needed to be done. Some outside force needed to intervene and stop the violence.

You have more control over your life now. Start focusing on doing well so you can get a degree and move away from the abuse.

Your community college professors are there to teach you…they are not out to get you.
Right now you feel scared…but you need to work past that.
Go to the office hours of your professor and just talk to them. Tell them that you have Aspergers.
This will help because if you respond to them in a way outside the norm, they will understand why.
If you don’t know what to say then say “I have not had good experiences with high school math…what could I do to succeed in your class?”

Also ask about any questions on the materials you have.
If you don’t know what to do about the syllabi, ask the professor during office hours. That is what they are there for…to talk to students.
If you read the chapters and do the homework, you will be prepared for pop quizzes. The only reason professors give pop quizzes is to make sure that people keep up. Also try to not listen to the “tapes” of your father in your head if you don’t do well… Now if you fail a quiz, realize all that means is you don’t know the material. Go to the professor’s office hours and go over the material. Do extra practice problems if you need to. Remember that college isn’t something you have to do…its not something you do for your parents…its something you do for yourself so that you can be prepared for jobs.

Same thing with your English teacher. Go talk to them about what is expected in the class.

Does your CC have a counseling center? I bet they do. Go talk to them about your background and how to succeed. Talk to them about your Aspergers and coping skills.

I told my academic advisor that I have Asperger’s and I’m going to meet her on monday. I just bought my textbooks for Public Speech and English and they’re going to arrive on monday. My mother and I are moving to the city. I just don’t want to be alone and judged anymore.

I still live with my parents and I’m currently seeing a psychiatrist. I’ve taken risperidone, aripriprazole, and haldol and none of them work. They only make me more depressed.

Hi @MidnightRain

I don’t have a ton of input, unfortunately, but I wanted to say that I found your post very poignant and I am sorry that you had to endure all that you have gone through. If it is of any comfort to you, I know many students (myself included) who experienced varying degrees of trauma in primary and secondary school who later found that college was a very liberating, positive experience in comparison. I wish you all the best.

When you say you’re currently seeing a psychiatrist, do you mean that you’re in “talk therapy,” or are you just being prescribed medication? I know you mentioned having problems opening up to people, but it sounds like you really need and want to connect with someone who can help you. This forum is great, but I would recommend showing this post, or an abbreviated version of it, to a therapist (or a counselor or social worker, if your school has them). Someone close to you can connect you with local resources to ensure that you are safe, and that you can transition into college and adult life.

@SpringAwake215 both actually. However, I recently checked that only 26% of Americans are efficient in math. This made me depressed because math was the only way I could’ve communicated and the way I lost my skill at it was like how Spider-Man lost his powers in Spider-Man 2. It just vanished. However, this made me communicate more effectively than before with others, but I’ve yet to improve my math skills. I’m getting a bad vibe from my math class. One of the students had a bit of an attitude towards the teacher and it kind of scared me. If this goes any more south, I may have to switch classes. There is a limited window of time to switch out of classes so I need to know what are some signs of a bad math teacher. I heard that the teacher’s style is horrid online and heard that he goes way too fast. But as far as I’ve experienced, he seems “ok” to say the least.

@preamble1776 what do you mean? I’m afraid I won’t live a successful life. I plan on making math a strength again rather than a weakness because I want to be good at it.

@bopper I don’t think pop quizzes were mentioned because on the syllabus, quizzes are already listed.

What’s your opinion on having late night classes. I heard that afternoon classes were fine, but since I’m commuting from the suburbs to the city, it will be very difficult to come home late and waking up in the morning.

@MidnightRain Your concerns about not living a successful life are entirely normal - many people your age have the exact same fear, but you shouldn’t let that fear consume you. You’re young and you have your whole life ahead of you - just work hard and things will fall into place.

As for wanting to be a better math student, I strongly recommend using online resources to supplement course materials. They can fill in some of the gaps in your knowledge and you can work through videos at your own pace - I for one am a big fan of Khan Academy. Whether you’re struggling with Introduction to Algebra or you’re struggling with Differential Calculus, there are KA videos that can help you with improving your math skills.

I’m not sure if your late night class question is directed to everyone, or just bopper, but I’ll answer it anyways since I’m a commuter student – how beneficial/detrimental late night classes are depends a lot on your schedule. If your first class on any given day starts at say, 3PM, then a class at 7PM isn’t that big of a deal. But if your first class is at 8AM and then later on you have a 7PM class, it may be exhausting to spend all day on campus, especially if you don’t have a dorm to crash in during lengthy breaks (and it can be challenging to commute back to your house during your break because it may discourage you from actually returning to campus.) If you’re particularly motivated, you could theoretically use any long gaps to work on homework/study or you could use that time for extracurricular involvement/job/internship/etc. but it takes a lot of motivation and it can become really tempting to just dillydally.

I’ve taken late night classes and I’m generally not a fan solely because I personally work best early in the morning so by 6PM I get pretty groggy if I have to sit through a lecture. I didn’t actually have an issue with coming home late and waking up in the morning, though. With the particular class in question and my one hour commute, I was usually home by 8:30PM. That gave me enough time to shower, check my email, and watch some T.V. before going to bed - I made it a point to always make sure my homework was done ahead of time so I wouldn’t have to worry about doing it when I got home (I knew I’d be way too tired to read 40 pages on Foucault lol).

As regards to your schedule…Set yourself up for success.

So if you have a mornign and a late class…that may not work because you will be on campus all day…unless you can use the time for homework. If you get energized at night, it may work. If you are exhausted, then probably not.

@bopper and @preamable1776 I’m trying to change my class schedules but all I get is morning and night classes and very few afternoon classes in between. I’m planning on speaking to my academic advisor about this. Can she help me with this?

You should tell your advisor that you have Asperger’s. There may be disability services that will make attending class less stressful for you. For example, you may be able to take exams in a quiet, more private room or get help with note taking. You need to have patience with the disability services process though, most people start this at least a month before the semester starts. Start by talking to your psychiatrist about what accomodations might make college easier. You will need a letter from a doctor indicating diagnoses and medically necessary accomodations.

Do you need to maintain a full course load for any reason? You may just drop the late night class and not replace it if the schedule is not working for you. If your doctor indicates that your medications leave you exhausted by 6 pm, disability services may be able to give you a priority registration for earlier classes in future semesters.

The counseling center at your college will not replace your regular psychiatrist, but they probably offer things like stress management groups and other support. Check them out and see what is available. Make an appointment with a counselor at school and see what may be available.

@AroundHere I told her that I have Asperger’s. However, I recently read a post about Grad School that a C is considered failing and that a 3.0 GPA is the minimum. I’m not saying I’m going to grad school, but that’s what I heard. I’m taking remedial math and I have 9 credits. Once again, I said I’ll be talking to my academic advisor to see if there is a class in the afternoon. I plan on meeting her at 4:15.

I changed my schedule but I’m keeping the night class. It’s on the waitlist, but I have tuesday and thursday off.

For undergrads, typically you need to keep a 2.0 GPA to stay in school. Hopefully you will enjoy college more than high school! Good luck!