I'm so worried: I've had a rough year.

Applying to College
1

<p>I've come here to seek some much needed advice, if possible. I'll warn you, this will be long, but I'd really appreciate any advice, so if you have the time, it'd be wonderful if you could read and respond. I wasn't sure where to post this, since the High School Life sub-forum is filled with a bunch of threads that are completely irrelevant to my issue. If this is the wrong place for this thread, please feel free to move it! :)</p>

<p>I don't even know where to begin. Essentially, I've always been a very conscientious student and very focused on doing well in school. I had virtually straight As in all honors classes (AP classes weren't available yet). That was about all my life revolved around. I have absolutely no friends, and I have severe social anxiety. I don't do sports, extra-curricular activities (except yearbook), or community service, mostly as a result of the social phobia. About a year ago, everything went downhill. Ever since... fifth grade, I've been a horrible procrastinator. I'd leave projects until the last minute and stay up without sleeping to finish them. I would skip a day of school here and there to do work, but it never escalated any further.</p>

<p>Last year was my sophomore year of high school. All the stress, anxiety, immense amount of work, past bullying-related trauma, you name it, came back to haunt me, and I fell into a really deep depression. It began during the end of April vacation. I had to read Crime and Punishment in two day's time, and I completely fell to pieces. </p>

<p>I didn't get out of bed for two months. I skipped school for two months. I felt like someone just turned a switch off in my brain, because I no longer had any semblance of motivation, drive, desire, nothing. Long story short, my school was extremely accommodating and encouraged me to come back to school. </p>

<p>However, three days before the end of school, I tried to commit suicide. I couldn't do an English paper that would determine my quarter four grade and I was going out of my mind. I was sent to an inpatient unit in a hospital and stayed there for four days until I lied my way out. It was a really traumatic experience. I never did hand in that English paper. It haunts me.</p>

<p>The beginning of this year, I missed a few days at the beginning of school, but I was put into a supportive program at school that deals with kids with social-emotional problems. They've been a very big help. I was hospitalized for seven weeks beginning in late January, because my depression was not improving at all . </p>

<p>Here I am, a few months later. I am not feeling wonderful, but I have been in worse places, I suppose. I had to drop three classes (APUSH, Honors Precalc and Trig, and Honors Anatomy), and I am now left with Honors English III, Honors French IV, and Honors Biology. I've made a very difficult decision to not only lessen my course load for next year (Standard Precalc, Trig and Honors US History, AP Chemistry, and AP French), but also to stay an extra year in high school to make up for lost time. Staying an extra year in high school also allows for me to spread my classes out and have fewer classes each year as a method of stress reduction.</p>

<p>Now, to my question... I am terrified that I have completely destroyed any chance of getting into a decent college. I mean, I really wish I could handle the amount of work I could before, but I can't. My stress tolerance is extremely low, and I'm still struggling every day. I know that my mental health is my priority, but I can't help but worry about the implications this experience will have on my WHOLE LIFE. It kills me more than anything to have to lessen my own expectations for myself, because I know that I can do better. I'm upset I can't take APUSH or any other difficult classes because I know that I am perfectly intellectually capable, and so I feel as if I'm cheating myself.</p>

<p>Of course my guidance counselors are going to tell me what I want to hear, but I'd really appreciate some insight from those of you who understand situations like these or that have had personal experiences that are related to mine. How would colleges perceive my "unique" education plan? Would they understand my inconsistent attendance and some of my poor grades (I don't actually know if I have poor grades for fourth quarter of sophomore year, I've been too afraid to look)? Do I have any chances of going anywhere? What happens when I apply for colleges? I just wish I could go back and time and do everything differently.</p>

<p>I'm so lost, and I don't know what to do. My mother is just as upset as I am, and we have no idea what to think. Can anyone offer any advice? Don't sugar coat it, please. I want to know the truth.** Any** help, advice, or support is immensely appreciated. Thank you all so much in advance!</p>

<p>-Michael</p>

<p>(Please excuse any rambling or possible typos. I'm tired :P.)</p>

2

<p>Coming from a high school student, who has no professional training.</p>

<p>I would suggest just that, these forums are not the best places to post these kinds of questions. You should continue to work with a professional to help you with your social phobias and school issues. </p>

<p>Things are never set in stone. It’s up to you to work with what you got. If you have professional help, and harness all the extreme brain power which you clealry have, you can have a truly beneficial high school carear. You can get the perfect grades you want, and even join extra-circs, do community service. Colleges are not who you have to prove yourself to. It’s not the end of anything.</p>

3

<p>Michael, I’m sorry high school has been so difficult for you. I’m happy to read you’re taking an extra year and lightening your load. Here’s one suggestion you may want to consider, because it really made a difference for my son. He goes to a college that’s very small (<2M), significantly lower ranked than the school he attended as a freshman, and it’s not too far away. He boards there, and comes home whenever he needs a break. He’s finally enjoying his college experience, and I wasn’t sure that would ever happen.</p>

4

<p>Dude, no one on this board is qualified to help you. You need a trained psychologist and therapy to get over this.</p>

<p>For what its worth: College is not the only road to success. </p>

<p>Bill Gates didn’t graduate from college.</p>

<p>Compare this:
My mom has a PhD (in psychology)
My dad has a masters (public policy)</p>

<p>My friends mom dropped out of college
My friends dad didn’t go to college and became an electrician.</p>

<p>Guess who makes more? Thats right, my friend’s family. </p>

<p>Not taking APUSH is NOT the end of your life. Seriously.</p>

<p>No one will care about your SAT/high school course work by the time you are…oh maybe 20. What matters is what you do with 80+years after graduation.</p>

<p>Try taking one day at a time, focus on the present.</p>

<p>and see a psychologist, it’ll help, I promise</p>

5

<p>My $0.02 - you have options with college. You can go to small lower ranked school and then transfer. Take a gap year or two. Etc, etc.</p>

<p>What you can’t do is wait to get better. Concentrate on that first. Get professional help and stick with it. Look for support from family and friends. Then worry about college.</p>

<p>You are not alone!</p>

6

<p>Depression is not something to be taken lightly -as I’m sure you already know- especially when it leads to suicide attempts. Please for your own sake see a psychologist, or a therapist to help you with your situation. They will help you confronting your problem in a proactive way, and will teach you how to deal with the stress.
Obsessing and stressing what classes to take next year is really the last thing you need right now as stress only worsens depression!
I would take things slower right now and try to get your life back on track, even if it means taken less APs or Honor classes. Don’t worry about how it looks to colleges -they will understand that you were going through a rough patch.
Ending your life will get you nothing! Please don’t do it. You need to get better, and you can do it.</p>

7

<p>if i read you correctly you still have a least two years of high school to grow. sounds like you’re on the right track, you’ve recognized your problems which is half if not most of the battle. high school is tough for many people not everyone enjoys it. i think the main thing to remember is that you are not alone, that’s key. my son is currently a music major in a cc. he has applied to four schools as a transfer student, so far he has been accepted to three and he’s waiting on his first choice (USC). the thing is, after high school he just wasn’t ready, but he didn’t give up on his dream. he enrolled at cc and practiced like hell, he matured and became more confident. when auditions came around this year he was in a better place and he felt like he nailed his auditions. you can do it. colleges would love to have a student with your life perspectives. keep growing, be positive, and be persistant. YOU CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN!!</p>

8

<p>You’re obviously bright.</p>

<p>What about (prestigious) online high school programs combined with some community college credits while in high school. Spending less time at your high school while securing therapy to help you with your issues will get your ready for the next step in life.</p>

<p>Obviously the stress and anxiety over school exacerbates the anxiety-- and then you cannot function - a vicious circle.</p>

<p>An online program such as those offered through Stanford and Johns Hopkins are well known and prestigious- but you can chillax getting done on your pace with less of the traditional high school stuff to deal with.</p>

<p>Therapy will help you find the life long combination of stress reduction behavioral modifications you need and help you and your family consider if prescription drugs are also warranted. There is no shame with suffering from anxiety-- there is shame if you refuse to deal with it and take steps to learn to address the stress that leads to the anxiety.</p>

<p>You will lead a meaningful life- do not doubt that-- you already told yourself you will get there…no carve out that plan to do it with help from professionals.</p>

9

<p>Very wise decision to take another year with HS and to take charge of your class management to lessen the load. These are mature realistic decisions and if you are able to be successful with this you will have many choices for college. It is too soon to project or plan for that. See how you do over the next year. Then when you are doing better, and can look at your entire transcript and SAT’s, you can make a reach/match/safety college list. Rely on you mother and plan together.</p>

<p>Dwelling on the past and projecting anxiety into the future are counterproductive games your mind is playing with you to distract you from the present. Try to stay in the presence and enjoy your coursework and work on success with the current load. It isn’t about what you are capable of, but what you can actually accomplish. This is true for many people of high intelligence, they dwell on what they could do instead of getting down to work.</p>

<p>Meanwhile, also focus on treatment for the depression and anxiety. Good luck. I don’t think too many people on this board have experience with special situations like yours, just with general college stuff, but when you have your final set of grades and SAT’s there are many on the Parents board who are knowledgable about more unusual or lesser known gems in the college landscape.</p>

<p>Although I really think it premature to start getting specific, you can read about some of the interesting colleges in the book or on this website:
[Colleges</a> That Change Lives](<a href=“http://www.ctcl.org/]Colleges”>http://www.ctcl.org/)</p>

<p>You might find it is best to start at a place where you can live at home. Or you might look at colleges that have supportive individual based programs. I know someone who went here, got things sorted out and was able to transfer to a very good higher profile school after a year:
[Curry</a> College - Home](<a href=“http://www.curry.edu/]Curry”>http://www.curry.edu/)</p>

10

<p>Rough story man. I can sympathize. I have had some struggles of my own with depression, which led to addictive drug use, which led to a fairly mediocre GPA my junior and senior years. Obviously my situation isn’t as severe as yours. This may not be what you want to hear, but you need to focus on getting yourself healthy and happy and not worry about college. If that means getting drunk and making out with some random girl at a school party and then getting in trouble with your parents for drinking, then so be it. If you live your life solely for grades and academics you will feel empty inside. I know that’s what happened to me. College should be a second priority. Have you missed out on your chance to get into a real name-brand institution like Yale or Duke? Probably. Not certainly, but probably. But that certainly isn’t the end of the world.</p>