<p>to be honest... seems a little odd that you're like often I want to kill myself and apply to college... college have a record high suicide rate as of now ... to them tihs entire college experience won't seem anything good to them. THat's a stat they're not trying to push. MAybe, you go get some treatment,and write about that... you know to show some personal growth. </p>
<p>Speaking of thaat you sound stuck, I've been there... you really wanna get unstuck very soon...1st piece of advise stop harping no the negative stuff ; if you've already make this growth (your realization) try to play that up more.</p>
<p>You sound kind of immature saying that college is the only place for you display potential... you should have displaying that potential prior (hopefully you've got some good stats), because I would have done better but_______, although now I will, ain't too delicious of a taste in the admission officer's mouth.</p>
<p>Lastly, sound a bit more open.... colllege is supposed to be place of learning , you are supposed to take some away form the experience other than "i awed them all with my awesomeness..."</p>
<p>Are you sure your teacher didn't actually say "don't" try to to "sell" yourself like some cheesy commercial and you didn't hear her correctly? Either that, or your teacher is giving you really bad advice.</p>
<p>i didnt say i want to kill myself, nor did i say i had a mental illness. at one time in my life, i did consider the stupid thought of killing myself. god does wonders though, as he has in my own life.After i came to faith in Jesus, many of the qualities in me that would be deemed "crazy" slowly began to fade away as I found myself happier and not caring so much about the world and its inner workings, and more about the opportunities Christ has planned ahead for me</p>
<p>im gonna go ahead and rewrite on it, focusing more on how i overcame than the actual predicament. thank you again for ur comment. i take no offense if they used harsh language. i appreciate the blunt honesty. maybe i should pick a different book, seymours just kinda depressing. if i did salinger again, maybe franny and zooey would be better, since it has a lot of discussion on christianity</p>
<p>Yea, the whole idea of the college essay is to sell yourself. It's not poorly written, but it would make me want to get you as far away from my academic institution as possible if I were an admissions officer. I also wrote an essay that made me seem a little off beat for my common app essay (the one about people who influenced you, but it portrayed me more as someone who thought in a non-linear way, not as someone who contrasted sharply with the rest of society. I haven't read the book on Seymore, but I read a lot (or most of his few published books) or Salinger's stuff including Banannafish (a short story where Seymore comits suicide), and drawing parallels to yourself and him doesn't paint you in a flattering light. PM me and I'll let you see my essay (I'm done with the whole process, thank god) if you want. I think it was good, maybe you can draw something from it.</p>
<p>yeah. ive actually changed the book to show my happy qualities, rather than the dark portions of my life, since im not a depressed anti social maniac anymore. jesus really changed that a lot. im probably gonna stay away from salinger since hes agoraphobic and all. anyone know any good books to read? i could use something happy</p>
<p>I'm not sure if writing about religion is a great idea cause it can be controversial sometimes. But you can risk it, if you feel that it might benefit you</p>
<p>well luckily im neither suicidal or depressed. and i dont spend all my time testing so ill write a lot more about my involvement in my youth ministry and my school extracurriculars. i clearly see the essay doesnt show that in any way, hence my decision to rewrite</p>
<p>Oh my God, camper, are you a complete idiot?? This essay is complete trash. It shows and tells nothing about you and nothing about your good qualities. All it talks about is suicide, cutting wrists, and depression. You need to stop thinking so much and be yourself. And why are you saying you have your whole senior year to revise it? A college essay should not take more than a couple of long hours to write, not a couple of long months. If I were an adcom, I would seriously reject you just from this essay alone. Why on earth would you even think about writing about anti-social depression? You seem like a smart guy or girl, so wouldn't it occur to you to write about something uplifting? Duh!! Throw this entire essay again and start from scratch. Think of things that you are good at, that people like about you (if you have any friends, since you are obviously anti-social), or that you could market to the adcoms, and any good qualities. Do you play at sport? Write about an amazing win! And also, your introduction was completely horrible. You talked about things that were too specific. Don't talk about a book, for God's sake, and how the book parallels to your life! That shows absolutely nothing about you as a person and is not interesting to read. I couldn't even finish the essay. Just write about a memorable experience you had, and don't use such big, sophisticated words all the time. Sometimes, it's better to use easier language to read so that the adcom can paint a picture in his mind of what you are talking about. Talk about the beach, a travel experience, anything but the crap you wrote! Trust me, I got into Duke and Penn talking about my state championship win in basketball. Just show and tell an experience, don't just state it.</p>
<p>i just read the first sentence it didn't grab my attention so i stopped reading. Erase it and start with a good first sentence. The intro must grab the reader's attention. Your first sentence fails to do that. No worth reading the rest.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Since the dawn of my intellectual awareness, I, as well, have possessed an unquenchable desire for the acclamation of knowledge, complemented by a near photographic memory and strong skills in analysis.
[/quote]
Admissions officers can infer from your SAT scores and your grades how many words you know. There's no reason to try to fit them all into one sentence.</p>
<p>camper, the more I read your essay, the more I see how much bull-**** it is. Your just stuffing big words together and being a pompous ass. Your "near photographic memory and strong skills in analysis"? What kind of essay is this? You are reminding the adcoms of that psycho from A Beautiful Mind. Don't try to impress them with a photographic memory because it doesn't work. Be real!</p>
<p>read all posts before deciding to post an opinion thats no longer of significance since im rewriting it...to recap my previous posts u havent read:
im gonna go ahead and rewrite on it, focusing more on how i overcame than the actual predicament. thank you again for ur comment. i take no offense if they used harsh language. i appreciate the blunt honesty. maybe i should pick a different book, seymours just kinda depressing. if i did salinger again, maybe franny and zooey would be better, since it has a lot of discussion on christianity</p>
<p>yeah. ive actually changed the book to show my happy qualities, rather than the dark portions of my life, since im not a depressed anti social maniac anymore. jesus really changed that a lot. im probably gonna stay away from salinger since hes agoraphobic and all. anyone know any good books to read? i could use something happy</p>
<p>well luckily im neither suicidal or depressed. and i dont spend all my time testing so ill write a lot more about my involvement in my youth ministry and my school extracurriculars. i clearly see the essay doesnt show that in any way, hence my decision to rewrite</p>
<p>but dont feel ur comments arent appreciated. im coming from a community without a lot of experience on college essays, since the only ones who end up going to somewhere other than sul ross or angelo state are top 10 percenters, who could write a one word essay and still have auto admission to ut, tech, and a&m. im just ready to get out of the desert and to a college somewhere out of the way before i return eventually.</p>
<p>Why do a "book effect essay" at all? Why not just write about your problems and how you got over them? No need to piggyback on someone else's writing.</p>